Health/Food Posts Tagged as 'Advice'
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Dear Abby: His teenage daughter won’t wear pants, and it disturbs me when I visit
DEAR ABBY: My fiance, “Jay,” has a 14-year-old daughter who has been home-schooling during the quarantine, and she refuses to put pants on. When we ask her to, she gets upset.
She isn’t built like the average teenager. Abby, she’s 5’10” and weighs 200 pounds, so it’s like seeing a grown woman in her underwear.
I think it’s inappropriate for a young woman her age to be unwilling to dress herself fully, and I don’t like seeing her like that every time I go to their house.
Jay doesn’t notice. He says it doesn’t bother him, and he doesn’t mind when I ask her to put shorts on.
I don’t feel it’s my place at this point to dictate what she wears, but I’m uncomfortable. I don’t know if I’m crossing a line or if it’s normal to feel this way. Help!
DIDN’T THINK I WAS A PRUDE
My mother texts me multiple times a day either in a private message or in a group message with my brother and his girlfriend. Most of the texts are “just checking in” or “thinking of you.” I already feel like the world’s worst daughter for complaining about this, but it feels like it’s too much. I am 28 years old, married, and have a 1-year-old. I work full time in an ER, which obviously has its own stressors. For this reason, I haven’t seen my mom since the pandemic started. I know it’s getting to her not being able to see me and my daughter, and I empathize with that. I video chat with her at least once a week, and I respond to her texts most of the time, but honestly she’s driving me crazy. We don’t have the relationship that she wishes we had. I’ve always found it hard to talk to her, and we are fundamentally polar opposites. I feel guilty for thinking this, let alone writing it out, because I know I would feel devastated if my daughter felt this way. Do I suck it up and go on with the multiple texts and group texts and realize it’s not that bad in the grand scheme of it all, or do I upset her and set boundaries?
Picky eating linked to demanding parents who limit foods, study says
Frustrated with your child's picky eating? If you're trying to fix the problem by becoming the food police, you're probably making your child's habit of picky eating worse, according to a new study that followed more than 300 parent-and-child pairs for five years.
The study found no difference among children due to socioeconomic demographics, but did find higher rates of picky eating among children who had problems regulating their emotions. Those children were more prone to exaggerated changes in mood with possible heightened irritability or temper.
One of the best practices for parents dealing with picky eaters is to expose your child to the food multiple times, experts said, and always without stress.
A therapist shares the 7 biggest parenting mistakes that destroy kids’ mental strength
We live in an increasingly stressful world, which is why it has never been more important to foster emotional and mental resiliency in our children.
Not only are mentally strong kids better prepared to tackle future problems on their own, but studies have found that they’re also more likely to be engaged in school and in their future jobs.
It won’t be easy for parents, but avoiding these common mistakes can help.
1. Minimizing your kid’s feelings
Kids need to know that it’s healthy to express and talk about their emotions. When parents tell their kids things such as “don’t be so sad about it” or “it’s not a big deal,” they’re sending the message that feelings don’t matter and that it’s better to suppress them.
If your kid is displaying expressions of fear during a loud storm, for example, considering saying, “I know you’re scared right now.” Then ask them what they think would make them feel better. This teaches them how to manage and cope with emotions on their own.
The goal is to help them practice brainstorming solutions until they find something that works.
Glennon Doyle thinks our kids suck. And it’s all our fault.
New York Times bestselling author Glennon Doyle is unequivocal in her opinion on modern parenting.
In her new book Untamed, she describes how parents receive a ‘terrible memo’ from society as soon as our kids are born.
This memo says that our kids are our saviours and parenting them is akin to a religion. We must give them every opportunity possible and most importantly, we must never allow anything difficult to happen to them.
According to Glennon, not only does this disastrous memo make us parents feel exhausted, neurotic and guilty; but it is also the reason why our kids suck.
The reason our kids suck, she says, is because we no longer allow our children to learn how to lose, or to struggle, or to be rejected.
My wife passed away, and I have fallen in love with her best friend. She feels she would be disrespecting my wife’s name if she went out with me. How can I let her know my wife would not object to us dating?
Teen rips 'lazy mother' for wanting another child: 'She should give up her dream'
A 16-year-old girl sparked debate on Reddit after seeking advice about her parents, who have 12 children already and want three more.
The teenager, who wrote under the username doodlydoot, shared her story on the subreddit AmITheAsshole, where her post has since received more than 25,000 upvotes and nearly 2,000 comments.
One night, the teen said her mom asked her to put her twin 3-year-old siblings to bed while she was busy studying for a test and was met with backlash when she refused to do it.
“She said that it is my responsibility as an older child,” the 16-year-old wrote. “I lost my temper and told her that she can’t take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life.”
Redditors rushed to the girl’s defense, with a majority agreeing that her siblings were the responsibility of her parents and not her. Reactions ranged from urging her to call Child Protective Services to suggesting she move out.
My Mom Wants Me to Break Social Isolation and Visit Her for Mother’s Day
My Husband Wants to Bone Through the Pandemic. I Keep Thinking About My Parents Dying.
Dear How to Do It,
I live in a small apartment in New York City, and I’m currently “sheltering in place”/self-isolating with my family (husband, two small kids). I was sent home from my job that I love, with no idea if or when they will ever reopen. My parents fall in the coronavirus “at risk” category of 60+ with underlying conditions. I, myself, have a rare lung condition, and I don’t know if that puts me in a higher risk group, too. So, having said all that, I’m struggling with thoughts of existential anxiety 24/7 and have zero libido. My husband, while largely in the same boat, does not have this problem and his sex drive is as high as ever. He thinks I should try to take my mind off things, and the best way to do that is with an orgasm. I think the odds of me orgasming right now are … zero. I can’t turn my brain off. Even during foreplay, I find myself worrying about my parents dying, worrying about the upcoming bills we have with only one income, worrying about going grocery shopping and contracting COVID-19, even if we take precautions. I feel guilty for denying my high-sex-drive husband sex, but I just don’t know how to relax enough to enjoy myself while we’re staying inside for the next weeks during this pandemic.
Our Son’s Next-Door Friend Is an Aggressive, Manipulative Trickster
Dear Care and Feeding,
Our neighbors moved in next door a couple of years ago. We were thrilled when we discovered they had kids. Their son is one year older than our son, and, while we initially thought he would be a convenient playmate for our son, we couldn’t have been more wrong. On the day his family arrived, we invited their son to play in our backyard so that his parents could focus on moving in. The new neighbor boy immediately reached out from the top deck of our play set and started dismantling the swings from the beam, to the great amusement of our son. He also proved to be a rough and aggressive kid with no regard for others’ belongings. To his credit, when we intervene, he changes his behavior, but only momentarily.
Besides being excessively aggressive, he’s manipulative as well. He instructs our son to do things that he knows will get my son in trouble (even from his side of the fence during this time of quarantine). Even though we have discussions with our son about how, “The neighbor boy knew you would get in trouble for holding up your middle finger. Do you think he’s your friend?,” our son can’t help but think of him as a friend or even as an older boy to look up to.
We simply don’t have the time to be constantly supervising them. We’ve gone from being thankful for having a neighbor boy for our son to play with to being fearful of letting our son play outside at all. I have spoken with his parents about his behavior a few times, but honestly, I could tell them unpleasant things about their son every day. We feel stuck. What can we do?
—Blustered by This Bully
My in-laws recently moved to our city and live close by in a nice condo. They ask to (actually, inform us that they plan to) stay at our house when we are out of town. I believe they think of it as a kind of vacation. I think that this is weird and unnecessary. (We do not have any pets, children, or plants that require sitting.) That’s my main hang-up—it’s just not necessary for them to be in our space. My husband says we have no good reason to say no. I can definitely name some reasons, not the least of which is preparing a home for guests, but is it enough to simply value our privacy? If so, how do we communicate this to them? I don’t want to create an expectation that our home is available to them as a kind of hotel whenever it’s empty.
—Not a Hotel
Is Casual Sex an Essential Service?
In 1990, as a newly minted social worker, I was invited to present at a San Francisco-based HIV/AIDS conference about what we now refer to as Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder and its relationship to the transmission of HIV. At that time, we had few solutions for people with HIV/AIDS. They mostly got sick and died. So this was a matter of life and death for the gay community.
Back then, I was a young, passionate, highly engaged therapist who sincerely wanted to combat HIV/AIDS. That’s why I was giving this talk – a talk that eventually became my first book, Cruise Control. But this was my first talk in front of a professional audience, and I was completely terrified. How would they receive me? Would they hear and accept my message about the need for sexual behavior change to curb the HIV/AIDS pandemic?
Well, it didn’t go well. The moment I began to express concern about having just walked in on some men having sex in one of the bathrooms in the hotel where this very conference was being held, the boos began: “You’re just like those jerks who closed the bathhouses,” and, “Go back to your effing conservative life, you homophobic jerk.” To my audience, individuals who were considerably more attuned to social bias and prejudice than medical science, my message was misperceived and unwelcome.
Q. My husband’s affair partner talked to my daughter: My husband, “Ted,” had an 18-month-long affair with his co-worker “Angela.” The affair began when I was pregnant with our first child, “Lois,” and ended six months ago, when I found out. At the height of the affair Ted would take our infant daughter to the office on the weekends to give me a break. I have since learned that Angela would meet him (at the office or hotels) and they’d have sex while Lois slept in another room. I am eight months pregnant with our second child and could not have afforded to leave Ted before the pandemic began; I certainly can’t now. Ted, to his credit, has done a lot to begin to rebuild my trust in him, including being an open book. He and Angela could both lose their jobs if their employer found out about the affair, so I don’t want to expose them and lose what financial security our family has. At the same time, I made it clear Angela is to stay the hell away from Lois. She used to fawn over Lois when we visited Ted at work, and the memories make my skin crawl. I have spoken to Angela only once in the past six months, and that was all I said to her.
Ted now works from home. On Friday he had a Zoom call with his team, which includes Angela. While I was making Lois lunch she wandered into Ted’s office, and when I went to grab her, I caught Angela asking Lois questions: “How old are you? Are you excited to be a big sister?” I grabbed Lois without saying anything, gave her lunch, went to our bathroom, and burst into tears. I am livid at myself for letting Lois wander away because I can’t afford to be angry at Angela. Ted tried his best to comfort me, and he agrees Angela was out of line, but he doesn’t feel there’s anything he can do. Lois was in Ted’s office for less than two minutes:. Is it a violation of our previous agreement that Angela talked to Lois? Or was she just being a polite co-worker? I don’t know anymore.
Dr. Oz Under Fire After Saying Risk Of Reopening Schools Would Be A "Tradeoff"
In an interview with Fox News' Sean Hannity on Wednesday, Dr. Mehmet Oz discussed reopening schools amid the coronavirus pandemic and said that doing so "may only cost us 2 to 3% in terms of total mortality." The television personality suggested that the potential deaths "might be a tradeoff some folks would consider" and has since come under fire for his comments, with some on social media calling him "heartless."
"We need our mojo back," Oz said in reference to the American economy. "Let's start with things that are really critical to the nation, where we think we might be able to open without getting into a lot of trouble. I tell ya, schools are a very appetizing opportunity."
I’m Having a Lifesaving Affair, but Social Distancing Is Keeping Us Apart
Dear How to Do It,
I’m having a wonderful affair with a man. We’re both married, but we’re careful and responsible—it’s what we both need to survive in our marriages, and it’s what’s best for both of us. (Without saying too much, in our situation, divorce would destroy our big, happy, extended immigrant families. I’m not looking for judgment on that.)
The problem is social distancing because of the coronavirus. Our spouses and kids are now both home full time, and getting away to see each other has been impossible. I’m miserable without the sex and companionship, and so is the man I’m seeing. At one point, he suggested meeting in our cars by the grocery store. I obviously declined. Then today, he called me and said to go to my window and waved to me from his car (we live about two neighborhoods apart). I was moved by the gesture, but it worried me. I feel like I am on the verge of doing something risky, and all this time with my husband, who is a kind man, is making me want to lash out and tell him I don’t love him.
What can I do to keep my head on straight here? I would be cast out of my family if this came out, but this whole situation is making me feel out of control.
—Swelter in Place
Teacher and ‘LGBT ally’ loves her boyfriend but is ‘hesitant’ to buy a house with him because he ‘hates gay people’
The woman from Illinois wrote to the Santa Rosa’s Press Gazette’s ‘Dear Abby’ column to explain her dilemma.
She said she had previously been in an abusive relationship, but broke it off 14 years ago and stayed single to raise her “small son to adulthood”.
She finally found someone she had “strong feelings” for, and who felt the same about her, around seven months ago.
The woman wrote: “My feelings for my boyfriend are strong, and it’s mutual. He is giving, kind, caring, hardworking and protective. We are very much in love.
Retired primate of Nigeria says UK is trying to ‘adulterate’ the Bible with same-sex marriage