Movies Posts Tagged as 'Predictable'
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Fear Street: Prom Night (2025)

I had to re-check to make sure this tale took place in the 80's because the nod was subtle. The hair looked as shitty as it currently stands, a classic soundtrack was wasted, the kills were so matter of fact that I didn't care, the players were off-kilter and unsustainable, Carrie was the only film that properly explained how a shut out can become a Prom Queen, it's called mapping, the Prom King didn't even decorate, Lilli Taylor is harsh for our time and harsher for theirs. The ambiguity is obnoxious and not true to it's date. The relationships needed stronger emotional situations to stick. Did the besties experiment sexually and one crushed while the other's heterosexuality blossomed? Who knows? Just dress her up as a man and let the kids figure it out. We don't do stories. Dude, you can't have a dance-off with one girl twirling and the other fainting. It was hilariously ridiculous. Why are most high school students categorized on film? I was in the middle. I rarely encountered these people. I've seen a lot of this before, done correctly. 24-May-2025
Gladiator II (2024)

Well assembled rendition of what's been done before. The story had little impact and cliched emotions. The actors and the spectacle are worthy with little help from the script. Entertainment without soul. 09-May-2025
Speak No Evil (2024)

The only thing that banged was McAvoy's body. It was grade A daddy meat. His villain was a parody of elements. The outline kept to its namesake. There were no surprises, leaps or bounds. It frustrated more than it scared, Americans are not "that" nice, women are less, no man sleeps with baby girl and gets away with it. The bunny dependency was a cheat. "Fuck bunny! Do you wanna die?!!!!" Home we go. 13-Apr-2025
Smile 2 (2024)

A frown is a smile upside down. 10-Apr-2025
I thought of something. Rebrand it as "The Frown." 09-Apr-2025
Naomi Scott created a character that was easy to understand and interesting to follow. The plot was basic. Many things seemed random. An out of the blue character always appears to explain the rules. The mythology is so vague that explanations became invalid. I still don't know what was real or not. I was committed because Ms. Scott was master tripping on emotions. I concocted many scenarios but I couldn't accept the smile thing (Joker thoughts), the mythology (not Buffy) or the scares (Terrifier-centric.) 09-Apr-2025
Kraven: The Hunter - (2024)

It had elements that would have created art and stir the heart. It's depressing. The drab appearance lacks animation color. Having no love interest, the vigilante turned hero has no one to pull him back when he goes beyond animal. Kraven's father had only one thought. Don't be weak. He says it in almost every scene with him and his brother. The brother bond doesn't coalesce beyond physical distance which made me not care. Ariana DeBose surprised me. I had no idea that she was Calypso. They missed an opportunity not making her a voodoo priestess because the religion is real and she's scary as fuck. Tagging the Chameleon instead of exposing him was also a waste. The daddies were ready to blow things up but the words in conversation lacked thought. The action sequences were enjoyably brutal, the Rhino took too long to become, Calypso could have been given more to do and villains can only become good after a hero beats them, again, again and again. 15-Mar-2025
Venom: The Last Dance (2024)

It's more of an exercise than it is an accomplishment. I stayed tuned because the man who cracks dicks with his ass is charming as fuck. None of the support matches him. The symbiotes' history did not have enough humanity to make me care. The action sequences depended heavily on coincidence. The chemistry between Mrs. Chen and Mr. Hardy was wasted. The threat was so surreal that it became mute. I stayed to memorize Hardy's butt but he didn't turn around much. 01-Mar-2025
Our Little Secret (2024)

Lindsay Lohan made me realize why charismatic actors lose their mojo. Are they uncomfortable and think that everyone is going to judge every word they say? Yes. I want her to flare up again. She's almost there. She needs a challenge. My favorite fairy legend wastes her magic on shitty lines. If the writers have nothing valid for her to say, let her sing. Ian Hardy was a trip. I couldn't place him. He was that cutie asshole that always irked me, for sure. Of course, he was the perverted teacher that dated his underage students on PLL. Every time he smirked he resurrected a part of Norman Bates. The idea that a woman would want to keep that she dated a Darren Stephens the Second type a secret was astonishing. Just because it's fluff doesn't mean we shouldn't try to say something. 02-Dec-2024
Abigail (2024)

The child did extraordinary things, quoted words not associated with children and plagiarized previous strokes. The last minute saves were so expected that emotional attachment got lost. Melissa Barrera gave Faith from Buffy vibes. Dan Stevens was blank. The first surprise is like everything before it. Once the cat is out of the bag the movie falls into WB TV status. Yes, it was a surprise but a sucky one. 28-Nov-2024
Hold Your Breath (2024)

The circumstances are creepy and claustrophobic, the era is that "time of the month" and the outcome is numb. Paulson gives more than it deserves. The daughters are convincing. The pace is nerve wracking. The scares were substantial. How does a person survive in an area nature doesn't want them in? Paulson is an easy follow but the ending copped out. 08-Oct-2024
Night Swim (2024)

The foreplay was good, they achieved stimulation but the climax didn't happen. 17-Aug-2024
Oppenheimer (2023)

I understand the importance of the man who did something incredible for his country. A race to be the first superpower to create the best weapon science has to offer. Robert Downey had problems looking sincere being white in a black and white picture. His cranium didn't look right. Jesse Plemons and Matt Damon should play brothers and Ben Affleck must play the hated stepbrother. Daddy Josh was a beholding sight. Florence Pugh showed up to fuck and flip her acting light switch on and off, again. The wind did a better job of styling Emily's hair than the stylist. That's what beautiful hair is supposed to look like. Emily's acting switch was constant. Her story didn't expand. There was more that I wanted to know about her but I was being hypnotized by psychedelics and uniforms. You can't be suspended for three hours and not fall down throughout. There wasn't much keeping it afloat. No action and little surprises. It felt professionally cold. Really, what's an atomic bomb movie without Godzilla, destroying cities? Were moviegoers using Barbenheimer to sleep?
22-Jun-2024
Mean Girls (2023)

A rom-com is conversion therapy for those who don't believe in fairy tales. I saw a handheld camera at the beginning and almost blacked out but then something cute happened. It moved like Grease and had the aroma of a pink lady. It kept me in with mixed results. The music had word limitations and they repeated nonsensical lines that make only cartoon baby sharks squeak. Was no thesaurus available when the music was written? The mean girls were lame and avenged by dorky plans. The cast was bubbly. The lesson was that anybody can be a mean girl. You fix her by allowing her to steal someone else's hot dick to fuck and hope she never calls you again. 10-Jun-2024
Wish (2023)

I tried watching through the eyes of a child and it confused me. What do you mean that man has my wish. I made ten wishes yesterday and two came true. I don't even remember that one wish everybody's talking about. Fuck it. It's only one. The film has Ariana DeBose energy and a Barbie stance. DeBose is so excited to show us what she's got that she faux climaxes before she has to. Some of the songs actually sounded musical. Pine's Shatner was so good that it stunk. The last man with a working penis is stealing little girl dreams. (None of the dreams were to marry a man to save them?) The women and some of their friends band together to destroy him. Some of the friends consisted of weak or mentally disabled boys and feeble grandfathers with no reach. I presume we had to look towards the animals to find culture representation. No gays in sight. Sophia The First looked better than this and brought the magic. One of Disney's junkiest animations. 28-Apr-2024
Anatomy Of A Fall (2023)

Shots were placed strategically, playing P.I.M.P. on rotation filled the house with dread and the dog tore up his scenes. The lead played it one-sided which gave away the outcome. There was no Bette Davis conniver in her spirit. The film never strays from repeating the same story from different angles. It becomes exhausting to sit through. It needed to give the audience a break from the same subject. The clues fell so easily on the writer's lap that no surprises were forthcoming. They coerced the kid to pick a side but the director didn't. 22-Mar-2024
Five Nights At Freddys (2023)

It was difficult to establish how the animatronics were killing people. They never showed it. It was directed for wimps who are scared of horror movies. The reason for living animatronics is an overused one. They couldn't be aliens? How the fuck did that animatronic get in the car? They do not bend easily. How many times did we have to relive Josh's memories? We got it the first time. 07-Mar-2024