Movies Posts Tagged as '2010s'
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Black and asian youngsters form an unlikely bond during a bukkake video performance. Black man can't climax until the soft whispers of an asian stranger help him out. Voila. Friends forever that will reach the heights of success by becoming the Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker of porn. Mope Tucker and Mope Chan are not impressive beings, they both have little dicks, are victims of whiteness (they don't know how to act black or asian) and they slurp while eating vagina. They can, however, take a swift kick to the balls, eat shit, drink piss and wipe it from the floor. A mope. Tucker wants to expand the brand and put them on display. "The first men on the cover of a porn box." Nathan Stewart expends every last nerve as a man clinging to the last piece of matter that keeps him grounded to an environment that isn't homeless. These parasites keep him sane and fucking. The boys with grand dreams become Steve Driver and Tom Dong. The friendship suffers from favoritism, jealousy and betrayal. Gangbanging the girlfriend tore a nerve, racist remarks cracked a spot, and the cameos hit their marks. It's cheapness adds to its' value. It smells like porn, your feet stick to the floor and the prettiest thing in the room is the popcorn machine. It's a true cis story that would translate well as a gay "great American novel." The guy incinerated from Bridgerton could play the smelly gay guy. 05-Jun-2021
Elizabeth Harvest (2018)
Mad genius harvests wife until she gets it right. Ciaran Hinds does as he looks with no surprises. A better intro to Elizabeth's beginnings might have given the character depth because in the present, she's a dope. Carla Gugino wasted her brilliant cream and Matthew Beard creeped me out. The process of thinking is so wasteful. 14-May-2021
Housemaid, The (2010)
Shuttered young woman accepts a job caring for a very well established family. Wife is made of plastic things and pregnant with twins. She believes her silent brute won't cheat on her because she's the perfect wife having miracle twins. "A man does not cheat on perfection." That is her motto and her curse. The eldest child is a delightful package. She is brave to say what's on her mind and sorry if it offends. A matriarch of servitude is the expert of the house, teaching the young woman how back breaking and useless it is making rich people happy. She is Mrs. Danvers, respectfully. Plotting, conniving, avenging, infiltrating and non-stop hurting to become like part of the family. Daddy is a self-absorbed god. Maid is a sexual magnet. An imperfect powerless naif to be completely his. The mother of the house is an awesome witch ready to set fire to anything that brings shame to their name. The scandal turns ingratiating maid into a hostile. The women cancel her for breaching family code... " you don't steal sperm from family gods that you are serving without asking the women first. Revenge is awesome. 10-May-2021
Pleasantries are spoiled by disappointments. It parodies all fairytales then drenches them with honey. Wilmer Valderrama is drawn like a long faced witch with big dick attitude and no substance. The brides are Godzilla stupid but the music is nice and the singing is delightful. Long-faced cartoons are not charming. 05-Apr-2021
Dying rich old fart with regrets decides to enroll in a new experiment where they transfer your brain onto Ryan Reynolds body. The director doesn't allow the old man to play with himself as soon as he's alone as Reynolds. Bummer. It's a grim and bumpy ride. I thought the ending was sweet but I wish I hadn't seen it coming halfway in. Not worth the bullets or the destruction. 09-Mar-2021
Good Boys (2019)
They don't know fancy they just emulate it. The trio has swag, is interracially charismatic and have the cojones of steel. They made me laugh, spin, adore and cheer them. Boys surviving through primal instinct. Take it or leave it that's what boys are. 04-Mar-2021
Avengers, The (2012)
Arise the madness. Superhero magnificence. 16-Feb-2021
Pete's Dragon (2016)
This is the the corny one but not to death. Elliot is a majestic dragon with fur and radioactive green. It still acts like a dog but it's butchy. Slave boy becomes orphan boy after wandering off into the forest post a fatal family crash. He is adopted by Elliott, becomes Tarzan boy, lives with animals, lives like animals and acquires 6 years knowledge of the English language by reading the same baby book over and over. No. The dragon doesn't talk. He whimpers. I frown on animals talking but dragons don't exist so it's okay for them to talk when we need shit explained. Redford was enervating, Howard was luminous and Fegly imagined. Sweet and magical moments stand out. 16-Feb-2021
Maleficent: Mistress Of Evil (2019)
Jolie's Maleficent is a sublime creature that never got a good movie written about her. Her work remains unmatched. Jolie, learning etiquette, was funny and bright. The dinner choreography didn't make sense. Maleficent overreacted when the prospective in-laws hadn't hit her soft spot yet. Her denial of murder should have been the catalyst. Once the scene is set, it skits, stalls, enchants and sentimentalizes. It's better than the first one.
Also, don't call a witch evil unless she eats babies. 21-Jan-2021
Alice Through The Looking Glass (2016)
Alice trips that she's a pirate, the savior of the unrighteous (Mad Hatter) and a liberated heroine. Hahahahahahahahah. 18-Jan-2021
Everything elephant was precious but the presentation is preoccupied with telling the audience how to feel instead of writing it. If you can't find the words or interactions, add more magic. The pink elephants were successfully woven in. It was happy. 18-Jan-2021
Hot Summer Nights (2017)
If you want to see the privilege slapped and punched out of Timothee Chalamet this is the film for you. Tight and punishing. 12-Jan-2021
I Feel Pretty (2018)
They conk a woman on the head to get her to realize that if she acts confident she can become something. Mumbo Jumbo is not needed for that. There are plenty of people who rely on confidence to achieve their goals without being pretty. Who better to represent badass confidence than Amy Schumer. She breaks a soul cycle and claims hilarity and sweetheart rights but I paid for a bitch not a strawberry. Maybe next year she can be conked and black. 30-Dec-2020
Christmas Project, The (2016)
The adventures of future supremacists as they waft through their own battlefield of family traditions and alpha bullying. The parents are ditzoids driving their children to partake of a Christmas tradition called Elving. You leave presents on the doorsteps of needy/hopeless families everyday until Christmas. The town bullies are on the roster this year. The tween female interest cements hardons and impels macho competitions. She looks 20 while the boys look 8. Reality rarely sneaks in and there is no character to get attached to. I pictured future supremacist twink getting married in prison to his alpha bully supreme as he forever pays black fit homeless grand daddies with raspy voices for some sugar. The kindly school bus driver was black. 25-Dec-2020
Space Station 76 (2014)
I watched expecting to find any reason to turn it off. It didn't feel like comedy but the players were so adamant on cultivating their characters that it gets downplayed as a natural part of life. They live in space, sometimes alone and sometimes with family. Some have seen earth, others have not.
Highlights of the future:
We still have to roll it, light it and smoke it ourselves
The robots seem like leftovers from the NINTENDO R.O.B. collection
The future has picked the 60s as their futuristic style
The tech must have been collected from PeeWee's Playhouse
There is only one child in the colony and it plagues her with panic. Her mother wants to deny her joy. Her pets keep dying because mommy hamsters have a tendency to bite their babies' heads off. Is it because she feels they don't have the skills to survive? That's how mommy explained it. Liv Tyler is the newbie getting accustomed to living with strangers and doing her best not to let anyone down. Her boss (Patrick Wilson) is hyper, mentally unravelled and suicidal because he can't stop jerking off to the Grinch. That was funny. Matt Bomer is married to lonely child's mother. She loathes the newbie because she has gained her daughter's affection and she likes her man. Bomer does a "pretty" acceptable job of being man trash.
A story about space that has nothing to do with nerdy technical explanations. I liked that. 13-Dec-2020