Wisps Posts Tagged as 'Family'
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My grandmother would babysit me on certain weekends so my mother could free herself from the drudgery of doing nothing. My grandmother acknowledged me with derision but in comparison to the others (cousins) I was useful. I could serve her, protect the child and gain the privilege of her hating me less. The favorite grandchild had curls spun from gold and the disposition of an angel. The prince came from nowhere. There is no evidence of a father. Mythologies passed on from cousin to cousin deduced my father, the rapist, was in the running, my aunt's pedo brother too and a made-up greek guy that no one's ever seen. No cousin/grandchild would ever receive such bountiful love from the adults in the family. I loved him too.
My grandmother once announced to her 15 grandchildren (ages 6 through 12) that they would not receive a Christmas present from her because she could only afford to give it to one and she was bestowing it to the most deserving. Seven of my cousins later became Jehovah's Witnesses and never celebrated anything ever again. The two year old prince doesn't remember that day but that's the day his life was destined. That Christmas he was granted grandma's glee, heart, exquisite presents and everyone's hate. We were so angry at her. She could have shared that gift with him at anytime. They lived together. Why did she choose to humiliate us by having us witness it? "Because she's a witch." "She hates us." "I hate her!" The family dynamic was set. Avenge the Sith.
We could see her coming. Through the windows. Before the elevator dings. "Here comes that demon mother of yours," she would say. It was almost a countdown on how many bad things my grandmother could state about my mother before she arrived to terrorize her. Ding!
My mother would make her account for every mistake (the cheating, the twins, the lying and the pastor) she ever made. It happened a lot. My grandmother would end up screaming, crying or both. It was horrible. I didn't really understand grandma's sins but I forgave her. My mother obviously could not.
My grandmother taught me how to live a successful miserable life and to always be wary of mother. 22-Jan-2021
GIF: they always find a way in.
My worst case scenario has come true. I have to relive the aspects of my life I was frightened to visit. I am a needy person. As such I need to acquiesce to the support (family) that saves, not the one of invention (gay.) I have faith now because how else could I survive. It is family prayer that gives me breath. But I don't believe. Stop the crap. This is why you suffer. Because you won't let him in. "But..." I give out benedictions and prayers to everyone as I crack inside. My mother cries that I never gave her a grandchild. I kiss God's lips for hearing me on that one. "Gay was a failure or you wouldn't have come crawling back." I didn't come crawling back. They tracked me down. I was made to believe gay would be beautiful, romantic and forever. I didn't know I was in a cesspool of perverts. My sexual predators are now bffs, the meanest people are my mentors and I keep asking what did I do so wrong? I wanted to die in peace. 27-Dec-2020
One of the most mystifying gifts my mother laid on me this year is for me to stop pretending to be black and just be white. She's never seen me as anything but, so it is so. Racism doesn't apply to me because she's always seen me as white. LOL. It was said in an advisory tone to offset future guilt. Head explosion. If I went outside right now and declared I was white they would shoot me. I'm not black because my hair don't kink, she says. (2 blunts.) My nephews and nieces are black because their fathers and mothers are really black. There are no black people in Puerto Rico. They're Indian. Body collapse. 25-Dec-2020
My sister and her brood are coercing my ailing mother and my heart replacement stepdad to enjoy Thanksgiving with her sons and their children, wives and friends. You know, like Oprah taught. There will be lots of hugging, plenty of food, loss of cognition, diaper twerking and a death right. They are immune because family love and God conquer all. Good job, Spanish news. Happy fucking Thanksgiving! (I'm mad!) 22-Nov-2020
I came out to my mother when I was 17 years old and no longer residing in her household. I didn't expect a good reaction so I called her on a public phone and announced it to her. She cried, became quiet and told me she suspected it but that she loved me, no matter what. I didn't have to lie to mother anymore. It was freeing. I visited her a few days later. She had time to absorb and ponder having a gay son. She cried again, I asked why and she said because being gay meant I was destined for a miserable life. That's impossible, it was such an overwhelming feeling to be me. I had to prove her wrong. She asserted conditions for my new identity: no meeting of "my men," I must continue to have a masculine presence, especially around family and don't get sick. I ignored her, introduced her to every one, told as much of the family as I could bear and kept my masculinity in check.
My mother recently confided to me that she used to receive dick pics from my croc daddy in the US mail while I was living with him. I thought, he might have done it as revenge for my unwillingness to absorb giant dick pain and or tricking him into being a gay bottom. When I took him to Gay Pride he cried because he thought I mistook him for one of those. He was straight. His shit was no joke but he was. A child molester was my educator and entrance into the gay world. I also figured my mother and I were even. Her boyfriend tried to brutally rape me. Mother's boyfriend was two years older than me, my croc daddy was 55. Our boyfriends shared the same culture, understood the nuances that make people vulnerable, and always seemed to be creepily plotting something sexual for us. Neither man represented our community. They were perverts sidling up to mommies so they could play with their children. (Now I know why she tried to cut him out of my photo albums.) I understand her comments and I realized her concern. My gay education came from perverts. The community hates itself more than the media loves it. Clicks work for a minute, the families we create are fake and we all die alone. We need less "Boys In The Band" depression and more gay reality awareness so we can come up with better coping mechanisms. Not smile at weirdos taking advantage of us because of politically correct etiquette.
I apologized to my mother. My croc stalked me, stole from us, used me, beat me up, tied me up and raped me. Afterwards, he thought of not releasing me because he was afraid I would kill him. You bet your life! But I had no choice, I begged for my life, stroked the psycho's ego and he loosened one arm while he Soniced out of the apt. I was stalked by my ex, my mother was stalked by her ex and I was stalked by both exes. I spent a lifetime trying to prove mother's sentiment wrong but in the end, she was right.
(Pic of my daddy croak included. Mother destroyed my croak dic picks but y'all can ask mother if she kept her copy.) 26-Oct-2020
When I finally blurted out to mother, the family members (sister/cousins/boyfriends) that sexually molested me as a child she contested with:
"They are family. What do we you want me to do? Stop talking to them?!" 03-Jul-2020
The stereotype we run from is our family. 24-Jun-2020
My grandfather was so devastated by grandmother's cheating and impregnation by the family pastor that when he moved to NY, he became a warlock. He was the most affluent and secured force in the family, with my god fearing mother his apprentice and I a witness. 24-Oct-2019
We're not allowed to complain about getting old. The new adults (any person not our age) are so adamant about excluding themselves from God's given fate that they will extricate you to locations that fossilize the brain until you can't remember Marvel movies. I'm scared, my gayby is a Nazi. 18-Oct-2019
Our mothers raise us to perpetuate macho proclivities whilst removing our power. 05-Oct-2019
As predictably expected, there are no more Amazons in my life. They confused controlling my life as support. 28-Aug-2019
None remain but one. Support is a script they memorized but never felt. 27-Jul-2019
Life lessons have taught my amazons to be more understanding. They are fully supporting me and I couldn't be more proud and humbled. 15-May-2019
When everything in your past is based on lies, the most respectful thing to do is try to forget it. 27-Jul-2019
I was an artist for 17 years. My art was regarded and recompensed with awards and scholarships. My mother thought that art was for faggots and adjoined with my sister to bully it out of me. My mother hated the idea so much she would have fucked Bill Maher just to annoy me.
When I was seventeen I made an anniversary painting for my 52 year old lover/daddy. He couldn't fake being impressed. I tossed the picture out and never drew again. I felt my mother and sister were right because they never kept evidence for me to dispute.
I could have been great or shit. I have no idea. 05-Feb-2019
It taught me that war has many voices. 15-Oct-2018
If I needed more information than a program could provide, I read the book. 14-Oct-2018
My cartoons were my respite from reverberations associated with abuse. Still are. 11-Oct-2018
It helped push me out my bubble. 11-Oct-2018
I learned how to tie a necktie for my first job interview by watching JR Ewing tie his own...and I got the job. 10-Oct-2018
I learned I wasn't alone. 10-Oct-2018
I found its world kind. 10-Oct-2018
I travelled. 10-Oct-2018
It informed me that what my mother was doing to us wasn't a punishment but abuse. Thank you Phil (Donahue.) 09-Oct-2018
It's where I met a good mother. Thanks Mrs. Brady. 09-Oct-2018
TV was my mother. 08-Oct-2018
No one cares about the environment because God created everything to destruct. They bloat the planet with children so they can watch them go boom. 08-Oct-2018