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All Posts Tagged as 'Perception'

Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.

 

I’m in My 30s, and I’ve Never Been Able to Make It to Home Base With Women 

 

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 34-year-old straight, male virgin. I don’t have any trouble talking to women, frequently match with attractive women on dating apps, and often get to first base. I’ve even gotten to the “finish line” a few times, even getting to fingering and cunnilingus, but between being so nervous I can’t get it up, putting my foot in my mouth, and pure terror, I’ve always screwed it up. My first time in bed with a woman (someone I’d just met at a party), at age 27, it was the nerves, but the five subsequent times, in my 30s, I guess I didn’t even know where to begin. In all but one case, I told them I was a virgin, and only once was this a specific issue for my partner. All of them were women I met on a dating app, on the second or third date, except one that I was in a two-month sort of relationship with.

I’ve noticed that I don’t find the vagina particularly sexy. Could this be an issue? I’m also uncircumcised (this is common in my part of the world), and part of me fears tearing off the foreskin.

I feel like I’m missing out on a key part of the human experience. Maybe being in love with my partner would help, but frankly I haven’t been in love in a good 10 years. Maybe I just need to be so consumed by lust that I can’t overthink it, but does that even happen? It’s even crossed my mind to visit a prostitute and get it over with, but then I think really couldn’t get it up—the thought of a partner who is likely not the least bit attracted to you is a massive turn-off to me. I’m interested in your thoughts. Thanks, and have a wonderful day.

—Frustrated

I’m in My 30s, and I’ve Never Been Able to Make It to Home Base With Women

Tags: Advice, Perception, Relationships, Satisfaction, Sex, Sex Identity

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

16-Sep-2020


My Boyfriend’s Obsession With His Straight “Friend” Is Out of Control 

 

Dear How to Do It,

My boyfriend of just under a year, “Tom” is pansexual, which has never been a problem (I’m a straight woman, FYI). However, the night we met he told me that he had recently hooked up with a straight male friend, “Brandon,” and then been rejected, and this situation in particular is an issue. It is obvious that Tom has a huge crush on Brandon. Tom has said on a few occasions that he was ready to come out to his religious parents for Brandon and was hoping to be his boyfriend, but Brandon told him that the sex was a one-time thing and asked him not to tell anyone (a request which he obviously did not honor). Instead of backing off, Tom will text Brandon to join our group at any outing unless I expressly ask him not to by saying that I would like tonight to be just us, or that our friends have invited only us out. When Tom does invite Brandon places, Brandon often does not respond or responds hours later vaguely. Once, Tom said that he wanted to use my phone to call Brandon because he thought he’d actually get him to pick up by using a number not his own that Brandon didn’t recognize. If we pass a bar that Brandon is known to frequent regularly, Tom likes to stop in to see if he’s there, and will want to hang out if Brandon is there. He also repeatedly violates Brandon’s request to keep their hook up under wraps. He’s told many people, not just me. The one time he did get Brandon to hang out, Tom pissed me off by staying out hours after he told me he was coming back, letting his phone die so that I couldn’t reach him, and then waking me up at 3:30 in the morning to let him in because he didn’t have his keys. He’s also lately been floating the idea of Brandon joining us in a threesome, because I have expressed interest in us finding a male partner for one and wants me to spend one on one time with Brandon as a start to getting him home with us. At this point, I think I’m about ready to throw in the towel and let Tom chase this man and implode their friendship unencumbered by a relationship with me. What do you think?

—Brandon Blues

My Boyfriend’s Obsession With His Straight “Friend” Is Out of Control

Tags: Advice, Cheating, Gay, LGBTQ, Mental Health, Perception, Relationships, Sex

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

14-Sep-2020


Dear Abby: My plans with friend are spoiled when she’s handed her grandkids without warning 

 

DEAR ABBY: I have a serious issue with my best girlfriend. We make plans together, adult plans, and then at the last minute, her kids drop the young grandkids off for her to babysit, curtailing any plans we have together. The past few times, we have changed our plans to a “kids” activity.

I have an extremely busy client load, and I’m losing income by accommodating my friend’s time constraints, which revolve around making her husband’s lunch and dinner. Although I’m single now (I am a widow), I do understand why she has her priorities. If her grandkids are there when we have plans, she asks me to pick them up fast food on the way over — on my dime.

I have kids and grandkids myself, and they are important to me. I’m tired of being held hostage by her adult children who I feel are using her and taking advantage of the “drop-in day care” with Nana. How can I talk to her about our time being important, too? I have intentionally NOT made plans with my grandkids if she and I have plans, and I would love some reciprocity. — THROWN UNDER THE BUS

Dear Abby: My plans with friend are spoiled when she’s handed her grandkids without warning

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Entertainment, Family, Friendship, Grands, Parental Burden, Perception, Treatment

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

13-Sep-2020


Call Me By Your Name director defends casting straight actors and shying away from full frontal male nudity

 

The idea that a marginalised minority should be given the opportunity to portray themselves on the big screen was dismissed by Guadagnino in a new interview with The Independent.

“I read too much Freud to be taking seriously these kind of critics, meaning that I honestly don’t believe I have the right to decide whether an actor is straight or not,” he said.

“Who am I to know what somebody is thinking of himself or herself within themselves? Yes, Armie is a straight man with a wife and children and the same can be said of Timothée. But do I ask them to swear on their sexuality, on their identities, on their desires, before I cast them? I don’t!”

Call Me By Your Name director defends casting straight actors and shying away from full frontal male nudity

Tags: Actor, Employment, Entertainment, Experience, Film, LGBTQ, Opinion, Perception, Representation, Talent

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

12-Sep-2020


My Mother-in-Law Told My 12-Year Old to Lose Weight and “Fix” Her Face 

 

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am white, and my husband is Korean. We have two daughters who are 12 and 15. My husband and I both come from big families, but his is tighter-knit than mine, and they all live close by. Of his four siblings, three have kids, and our daughters are close with their cousins.

We had a socially distanced family picnic, and when we were saying goodbye, my mother-in-law started commenting on how nice our older daughter looked. But then, she started telling my younger daughter that she needed to start losing weight if she wanted to look like her sister, and if she was in Korea, she would have taken her to get her eyelids and nose “fixed” much earlier “because when you do it now it won’t look as natural.”

My younger daughter was mortified, and my older daughter didn’t even say anything! I was shocked and tried to bring it up in the car, but my older daughter just said it was “how Grandma always was” and my younger daughter didn’t say anything. When we tried to talk to her about it at home, she said the same thing, that she was just old. We are both very angry at my mother-in-law, and are worried about how this impacted our daughters’ self-esteem. What can we do to get them to open up, and how can we confront Grandma?

—Beauty Queens

My Mother-in-Law Told My 12-Year Old to Lose Weight and “Fix” Her Face

Everybody knows American parents prefer doctors, not loved ones, to tell their children they're fat and a little disjointed. 01-Sep-2020

Tags: Advice, Beauty, Children, Choices, Family, Overreaction, Parental Burden, Perception, Racial Tension, Racism

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

01-Sep-2020


Black People Believe Racial Hiring Discrimination Exists Where They Work. White People Disagree. 

 

When pressed, many Americans will acknowledge what research has proven to be true: The hiring system is broken, and white people have a historic, systemic advantage over other races when it comes to getting a job.

In a new HuffPost/YouGov poll conducted this August of 1,000 U.S. adults, almost half said that people of color are treated less fairly than white people during the hiring process in the U.S. Seventy-nine percent of Black Americans and 69% of Latinx Americans said that racial employment discrimination was at least somewhat of a serious problem in the United States. (HuffPost/YouGov did not highlight results for Asian respondents due to small sample sizes.)

Hiring discrimination can be especially insidious, because candidates rarely get insight into what recruiters and hiring managers are thinking. A person may never find out why exactly a given company never called them back, but that doesn’t mean discrimination is not occurring.

“I was once told that my long hair and beard had to go and that I must state that I was a Christian.” — multiracial man, 64

Black People Believe Racial Hiring Discrimination Exists Where They Work. White People Disagree.

Tags: $, Choices, Employment, Equality, Perception, Performance, Psychology, Racial Tension, Social Distance, Study

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

24-Aug-2020


On Political Correctness and Clear Thinking / Stephen Fry / COMEDY / Rubin Report 

 

Stephen Fry

Tags: Celebrity, Interview, Opinion, Perception, Psychology, Representation, Society, Video, World

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

30-Jul-2020


Help! My Husband’s Been Sending Skeevy Messages About College Girls to His Friends. 

 

Q. Is my husband a perv? I am married and have two kids. Recently I came across a series of text messages between my husband and his buddy. My husband texted a photo from a poster of female college athletes from my daughter’s sport hanging in her bedroom. They then said this athlete, previously discussed to be hot, was “false advertising”—she’s actually more like “Jabba the Hut or a cow.” My husband sent a photo of a college freshman from our daughter’s poster to make up for having sent the ugly photo.

There were many other messages remarking upon waitresses, cashiers, co-workers, etc., which maybe is more normal “guy talk.” But this interaction really disturbed me, especially given that there are high school seniors on my daughter’s team. Also, this is a sport where sexual abuse is rampant.

Additional background info: Yes, I did look at my husband’s phone, but it was after inadvertently learning that he was secretly taking drugs. So while normally investigating is not a cool thing to do, I felt like I had to figure out the extent of the problem to protect my kids. That’s a question for another day!

Slate

Tags: Advice, Parental Burden, Perception, Relationships

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

27-Jul-2020


There’s a Divide in Even the Closest Interracial Friendships Including ours. 

 

It was one of those perfect California nights, not too cold or too hot. Ann’s backyard was strung with lights and punctuated with the cheerful buzz of conversation as people milled around with glasses of rosé in hand. She had offered up her patio as the venue for a friend’s birthday party. And—even better—Aminatou happened to be in town. She was in Los Angeles for a work trip and had been looking forward to attending the backyard soiree because she knew and liked the birthday girl and many of the other guests.

When she showed up, the party was already in full swing. Aminatou found that the snacks were delicious and the mood lovely. But what should have been a fun night celebrating and catching up with friends turned sour when Aminatou noticed that she was the only Black person milling around Ann’s back patio.

The Cut

I Broke Up with My Best Friend Because We Couldn’t Agree on Black Lives Matter

South Asian anti-black racism: 'We don't marry black people'

Romance scam: US woman freed after year as hostage in Nigeria

Alaska Airlines flight makes an emergency landing in Seattle after passenger threatens to 'kill everybody on this plane unless you accept Jesus was a black man'

Chance The Rapper Backs Kanye West Over Joe Biden And Twitter Users Aren’t Happy

After Ford employees demanded the company stop making police vehicles, the CEO clapped back with logic, common sense

Jewish groups call out TV host Nick Cannon for defending Louis Farrakhan and spreading anti-Semitic conspiracies

Nick Cannon Dropped by ViacomCBS After Making Anti-Semitic Comments

Tags: $, Auto, Backlash, Books, Business, Cancellation, Celebrity, Choices, Crime, Cultural, Demands, Differences, Employment, Environment, Etiquette, Fraud, Kidnap, LGBTQ, Marriage, Men In Charge, Music, Perception, Politics, Punishment, Racial Tension, Racism, Rejection, Relationships, Respect, Robbery, Romance, Scam, Termination, Threat, Trans, Travel, Video, Violence, Vulnerable, Woman's Rights, World

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

15-Jul-2020


Meet the Man Leading the Charge on America's Boy Crisis / Opinion 

 

"As the women's movement went mainstream, I loved the options for women it created, but also felt there was a demonizing of men, an undervaluing of the family, and a blindness to how boys and men were being harmed that would have profound effects on families, boys, addiction, careers, male unemployment, the global economy and so on," he explained. "When I uncovered reasons that were not part of the public consciousness, I felt I had something to contribute."

Farrell soon discovered that there was little serious attention being paid to the space of boy's development, either in academia or anywhere else. The subject was, in Farrell's words, "a national afterthought."

What was not an afterthought to Farrell were the big disparities in outcomes of every kind between boys and girls in America. Disparities that crossed ethnic, racial and geographic boundaries.

"Before age 9, boys and girls commit suicide equally," Farrell told a Tedx audience. "By age 10 to 14, it is twice the amount for boys. Between 15 and 19, it is four times the amount, and by ages 18 to 24, it is six times the amount. That's staggering." Often, these tragedies seem to share one circumstance: the lack of a father in the home.

Newsweek

Tags: Activism, Boy's Rights, Empathy, Environment, Equality, Etiquette, Mental Health, Misrepresentation, Neglect, Opinion, Parental Crime, Perception, Politics, Preference, Priorities, Profiling, Punishment, Safety, Survival, Women In Charge

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

14-Jul-2020


Amid the Black Lives Matter Movement, Hollywood Examines Its Own History of Racism 

 

AnyAny kid who grows up on Disney knows about Splash Mountain. Along with the Matterhorn and its aptly named corollary Space Mountain, the ride is a necessary stop on any self-respecting thrill-seeker’s visit to Disneyland, with the long lines to prove it. But Splash Mountain is more than a watery tourist trap. It’s also one of the last, oddly decontextualized scrap of a legacy that Disney otherwise wholly disowns.

Defenders of outdated works tend to respond with some version of the slippery slope argument: Even if everything is racist, you can’t expunge everything from the historical record. Without perspective or consistency, specific flashpoints do seem arbitrary: “I don’t think I’ve heard anyone coming for The Jazz Singer,” observes Alfred Martin, an assistant professor of communications studies at the University of Iowa, referring to the 1927 film starring Al Jolson as a Jewish entertainer who performs in blackface. “What precisely is it that we’re coming for?”

The timing of certain reckonings is also questionable. “30 Rock was being produced in the 2000s, and at the time presumably everybody thought it was fine. Why are we feigning concern about it right now?” Martin asks. “Since 1939, Black folks were saying that Gone With the Wind was a harmful depiction of Black folks, and nobody wanted to listen to us. All of a sudden, in 2020, when this movie is almost 100 years old, now you want to pretend like it’s a problem? That’s partly what some of the anger is around.”

The Ringer

Tags: Art, Art Deletion, Education, Entertainment, Environment, History, Hollywood, Instructional, Interference, Parental Crime, Perception, Politics, Protest, Psychology

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

10-Jul-2020


JoJo Siwa responded to and dismissed accusations of blackface in one of her music videos 

 

JoJo Siwa is the latest YouTuber to face allegations of racism after some followers said a young actor in her latest music video, for her song "Nonstop," was performing in blackface.

The video, which is set in a circus, features dancers dressed up as all sorts of animals. One of the dancers, a young white girl, is seen in close-up early in the video with brown makeup and what appear to be monkey ears. The comments on the video have been disabled.

Insider

Former Mayor Resigns After Comparing BLM Protesters to Monkeys in FB Post

Bernie Ecclestone says ‘in many cases black people are more racist than white people’

TikTok Pride event shut down in minutes after homophobes and racists target LGBT+ creators with hate

Tags: Alleged, Backlash, Celebrity, Confusion, Employment, Leaders, LGBTQ, Music, Opinion, Perception, Politics, Pride Killer, Racial Tension, Racism, Resignation, Social Media, Sports, Video, World, Youth

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

26-Jun-2020


Dear Abby: His teenage daughter won’t wear pants, and it disturbs me when I visit 

 

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, “Jay,” has a 14-year-old daughter who has been home-schooling during the quarantine, and she refuses to put pants on. When we ask her to, she gets upset.

She isn’t built like the average teenager. Abby, she’s 5’10” and weighs 200 pounds, so it’s like seeing a grown woman in her underwear.

I think it’s inappropriate for a young woman her age to be unwilling to dress herself fully, and I don’t like seeing her like that every time I go to their house.

Jay doesn’t notice. He says it doesn’t bother him, and he doesn’t mind when I ask her to put shorts on.

I don’t feel it’s my place at this point to dictate what she wears, but I’m uncomfortable. I don’t know if I’m crossing a line or if it’s normal to feel this way. Help!

DIDN’T THINK I WAS A PRUDE

Mercury News

Tags: Advice, Environment, Family, Parental Burden, Perception, Puberty, Safety, Sex

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

24-Jun-2020


A very important investigation into whether Zac Efron is actually "living" in Byron Bay. 

 

Rumours have been swirling this week the Hollywood actor, 32, has been riding out the coronavirus pandemic in the coastal town.

There have been several reported 'sightings' of Efron around Byron Bay, but so far there has been no... proof.

Efron was last spotted by paparazzi in Los Angeles on January 25, and in February he was in California to film The Great Global Cleanup for Discovery Channel, but his location since then is unknown.

Mama Mia

Tags: Be Well, Celebrity, Investigation, Perception, Privacy, Travel, World

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

24-Jun-2020


The ‘anti-racist’ drive to turn schools into woke propaganda mills 

 

School will be a very different place next academic year. Classes will be less full; desks, rigorously sterilized. And if the education establishment has its way, teachers will be aggressively woke.

Education Week’s “Classroom Q&A” blog tells teachers: “As Dr. Ibram X. Kendi would say, there is no ‘not racist.’ There is only racist and anti-racist. Your silence favors the status quo and the violently oppressive harm it does to black and brown folk everywhere.”

Anti-racism, in this worldview, doesn’t mean equal treatment of others; it is an all-encompassing ideology that demands constant questioning of one’s own actions and motives and those of others.

For its part, the National Committee on Social Studies’ Early Childhood/Elementary Community has promised to overhaul content, explaining that “to stop the .?.?. systemic pattern of dehumanization . . . we need to start early. WE, as educators, and family members, need to flood our children with counter messages. . . . Messages that show #BlackLivesMatter. .?.?. It is essential to elevate that message until there is no racial inequality in economic opportunity, no racial inequality in education, no racial inequality in incarceration rates and no brutality from police and others.”

NY Post

Tags: Activism, Concern, Environment, Future, Hypocrisy, Perception, Politics, Racial Tension, Racism

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

23-Jun-2020




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