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All Posts Tagged as 'Preposterous'

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Joe Millionaire: For Richer Or Poorer (2022-) Woof

The unbalanced black flat chick ended her rage after it was discovered that she was too mentally unwell (she spoke truths that insane people don't want to hear). White people like to have fun. They don't whine if their hair frizzes up like their foe. They just reinvent it. The latin mother is so obsessed with her conquest that it feels like she has a cartel up her ass forcing her to do so. Adios. My pecker is like a compass and the needle is not pointing to either Joe. Can we bring original Joe in? He may be a hideous bear now but I'm sure he can still make slurps sing. 23-Jan-2022
It took two bachelors to add up to one Joe Millionaire. The original's historical "slurp around the world" was magnificence. My pecker picked the poor one until I got to know him then I switched. Tarzan hair is fun but he's such a pendejo. He has no sexual entitlement. Cowboy Cheeky is fuckable in a Chucky kind of way. He has a bubbly ass. In my day, they would have called the contestants, escapees from mental institutions. A desperate "housewife to be" decides to wear the same dress as another contestant. Neither chose to "rock" the shitty dress and left it up to the millionaire to decide which tacky slut filled it the least. It depends how gay the men are. Black girl gets drunk and starts feeling used. She goes on a rant. White girls are not having it so they plot. Mothers of America. Shame on You! You've turned your daughters into dumb sluts competing for basic. Original Joe hands. Classic. 10-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Brutal, Comfort Food, Cowboy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Emasculating, Fake, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Hilarious, Over the Top, Overcooked, Pitchy, Predictable, Preposterous, Psychological, Reality, Revenge, Romance, Scary, Showy, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Tough, Wit Crack, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ Tough

Filed under: TV

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23-Jan-2022


Wasteland, The (2021) Bites

I can't identify with a child that wakes his parents up so daddy can walk him to the latrine which is terrifyingly one block away. To piss. Why didn't he just piss in any corner of the house except where mama hangs laundry? It debates whether parents should compromise a boy's sensitivity by forcing him to become a man if the times deem it necessary. It's a future where woke people are forced to eat animals named Fluffy to survive. Suicidal grandpa daddy grants himself an early reprieve by getting a conscious in between bouts of "I don't give a shit! and "I want to die!" Daddy did not deserve a vacation. Mother madness is spooky with minimal slaps and torture towards children. She did good with killing animals, though. I didn't understand it. "The monster is made of trees, branches and bad lighting, maybe. You imagined the whole thing. You're just like us. Nuts." The child riled us up but the director couldn't give us a reason for any of it. 08-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Coincidence Laden, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Foreign: Spanish, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Wit Crack, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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08-Jan-2022


Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) Arf

Venom is nothing without that spider boy splitting his ass in half. How fortunate that Tom Hardy has a dick-breaking ass. Venom's and Tom's duality don't combine. There are attempts to bring them together but talking to green screens is all it is. I imagined a wraparound as opposed to a pop out. I was aghast at how youthful and beautiful Mira Sorvino looked then realized with humiliation that it was Michelle Williams. Michelle got rid of the haughty accents, loosens up and shakes her sourpuss. Reid Scott was a supportive adorable dunce. I thought Stephen Graham was a Walhlberg doing a bad imitation of a better Wahlberg. Woody Harrelson was channeling an old white woman from the 1950's out on her last stroll. Go nuts, daddy! The film has no purpose except to destroy and sell but it has stupid entertainment value. I liked Asian Venom, they gave us a hint at Lady Venom and didn't dare realize a Drag Queen Venom. Why not? 07-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Camp, Comic Book, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director Experiment, Director Movement, Enthusiastic, Fun, Funny, Hot Swatch, Mad, Magnetism, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Trashy, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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07-Jan-2022


Lost Daughter, The (2021) Bites

A Karen gets flashbacks of her maternal discord and cheating ways when she spots a young Karen with the same problems while vacationing. The whole shebang is weird and nonsensical. Maggie Gyllenhaal's direction made me dislike Olivia Colman's acting method. I love Olivia Colman. Don't show me Olivia Colman's acting method, show me her acting. Director did not appreciate the beautiful creature Lady Colman is. That's all. 03-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Fatigue, Preposterous, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Tedium, Weird, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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03-Jan-2022


Hawkeye (2021-) ArfDowngrade

S1E6. The land of absolute magic couldn't accomplish turning a brilliant D'Onofrio into the behemoth that he deserves to be. How much ass kicking and arrow shooting can we take? It was a lost moment to be brilliant and make a childhood comic-book fantasy come to life. 03-Jan-2022
S1E5. Jeremy Renner plays "that little bitch" in his own series. The female "kickass" trope is extremely tired and damaging, to all sexes. Bad Russian speak has returned and I'm starting not to give a fuck. The MCU has created a complicated mythological puzzle that future audiences won't tolerate because they didn't live through it and will be too stupid to piece together. 01-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Pitchy, Political, Preposterous, Showy, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Tired

Filed under: TV

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03-Jan-2022


Pinocchio (2019) Bites

Someone thought that realizing one of the most horrifying fairy tales to live film was a whimsical idea. The director wastes little time on magic and spends most of it on ugliness. He realized all the threats in a boy's life and all the insanity of the myth. A boy that really isn't a boy is considered a genderless fuck opportunity. Pedos prefer gender non-specific children because it's the baby smell they're after. Pinocchio is the perfect victim. Unique, beautiful, stupid, excited, rebellious and cooperative. The puppet gets enslaved, murdered, robbed, betrayed, hated, abused and exploited. Pinocchio cannot become a boy because his ADD doesn't allow him to sit still long enough to accept love and he's kind of an asshole. I'd be an asshole too if I were created to give hugs and tickles to ugly men. Oops, I was! The director rushes through plot points and changes nothing to make the ordeal acceptable. Why does wood eat? Why doesn't he rust or flake? What is the fairy's deal? His growing nose is a hard-on, not a lie. Jiminy Cricket sucked. It's a horror movie. Becoming a boy only grants him a hole. The world around him still sucks. 29-Dec-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action, Brutal, Creepy, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Indecipherable, Mean Spirited, Preposterous, Scary, Tacky, Tough, Trashy, Twinkie, Violent, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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29-Dec-2021


Pig (2021) Arf

The afterlife Anthony Bourdain would have lived if someone had stolen his truffle sniffing pig. Nicolas Cage rides shotgun on a road trip to nowhere interesting, with an undefinable buddy, to bring his pet home. The transition from woods to city, hurts. It's supposed to be a vehicle to re-establish Cage as a bona-fide actor. He is battered, humiliated, hated yet his composure remains the same. He doesn't give a shit. Cage doesn't get to rage and his breakdown is silenced. Adam Arkin sparked chills by spontaneously talking like Cage and raging how Cage did not. The words ponder nicely but deliver dribble. Imagination does not fly because intelligent thoughts are incarcerated. When imagination ceases to exist, I will still wonder if muting Nicholas' breakdown deprived us of his gift. Bourdain wasn't meant to be Indiana Jones, he was supposed to live long enough to accept his punishment. That's what it should have been about. 28-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Daddy Squish, Good Acting, Preposterous, Sentimental, Timid, Vague, Words Spoke, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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28-Dec-2021


Free Guy (2021) BitesEarly Exit

The premise is too outrageous to describe. Nerd becomes "toxic man" when he meets the inaccessible woman of his dreams. He lives in a game and not. I pondered. Is Ryan Reynolds funnier when the makers convince him it isn't supposed to be funny? Who knows. I accidentally turned on deaf of hearing mode and was perturbed by the narrator describing every fucking single thing that happened. I thought, what an annoying piece of shit then I realized the goof. Oops. I corrected it and fell asleep. I will review it properly later, or not. There wasn't much to like. 28-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Camp, Cold, Comedy, Corn, Depressing, Early Exit, Fantasy, Fatigue, Macho Posing, Over the Top, Preposterous, Repetitive, Star Watt, Timid, Weird, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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28-Dec-2021


tick, tick...BOOM! (2001) Whimper

Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bio, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Gay Swatch, Music Murders, Musical, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Ugly Art, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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24-Dec-2021


Being The Ricardos (2021) WhimperEarly Exit

I exited before any more of my brain cells died. Not all geniuses are meant to portray geniuses. Nicole doesn't squeak enough or husk enough. She couldn't pick an accent from Lucy's bountiful history to make us believe she was Lucille Ball. Nicole is an Australian model failing as a moll bride. Lucy cracked and she bellowed. Ridiculousness was her class and experience was her wisdom. Nicole understood neither. Javier may be a fuckable specimen on his own accord but Desi wasn't that heavily accented or pitiable. Daddy needed some voodoo guidance. Aaron Sorkin placed the blame on Lucy. Fuck you! 22-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Bio, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Early Exit, False Action, Fatigue, Preposterous, Relationships, Sad, Trashy, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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22-Dec-2021


Flubber (1997) Arf

No one should be interested in a man that has left their love waiting at the altar three times. It labels the neglected, a doormat. Robin Williams is the Professor that discovers Flubber. Flubber is a squishy jello substance that appears animal except when it's being materialized as a money making substance. No one dies when hit by a fastball, brains don't get smashed when hit by bowling balls. The film thinks it's funny to apply the same stitches to both. Death is the realistic word. Weebo is a sexy pitched robot that sparks jealousy. Robots and emotions are confusing. We are not of the experienced mind to buy it. Robin is the sad guy who gets left, not the ass clown with regrets. Williams' sweetness permeates, creativity enervates but the story has no gas. 20-Dec-2021

Tags: 1990s, Comedy, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Preposterous, Star Watt, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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20-Dec-2021


Power Of The Dog, The (2021) Whimper

There is no dog in sight. Teen with effeminate ways grabs the attention of the town bully and gets a crush on him. Son is subjected to alpha humiliation that gives him a hard-on which makes mother heartbroken yet keeps boy obsessed with tempting the savage. She marries the bully's brother and moves into the bully's home where he finishes her son off. Cumberbatch has no idea what a cowboy is. He jangles and jingles with exaggerated sounds of the west and comical highwaters but only his butt stood out. His pronunciation of "fatso" held no effect because he didn't know what the fuck it was. It's not a fact, it's a genial insult. His slow drawl compensates for an accent with no attachment to history. He is miscast because the safety of the participants prevails great art. No one is going to take a chance on a toxic male presence for reality's sake. Rick from The Walking Dead would have made a savage cowboy. Jane Campion is obsessed with certain keys of the piano and noises that no one else finds comforting. Kirsten Dunst would have given an award worthy performance if someone had written her one. Her character is scattered and listless. Hiring a tall boy doesn't diminish the film going Brokeback with a child. The film may not consummate it but we're not stupid. Jane Campion spends so much time lingering that the thought is lost. 06-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Inactivity, Preposterous, Relationships, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Too Long, Vague

Filed under: Movies

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06-Dec-2021


Scoob (2020) Arf

Scoob wasted little time visiting memory lane. Shaggy almost lost me when he ate the meat that Scooby dragged across the city's streets. Shaggy's voice doesn't crack enough. Scooby's diction has cleared up and he's become an Avenger. The visits from neighboring toons are a nice touch but are not properly integrated into the Scooby mythology. It's origins taught kids how to unmask the monsters in their lives and fight back. The movie missed that point. They sure were cute, though. 28-Nov-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Adorable, Animation, Chemistry, Crapfun, Cute, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Music: Disposable Soundtrack, Predictable, Preposterous, Sentimental, Sweet, Timid, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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28-Nov-2021


Danger Force (2020-) Arf

Super daddy breaks up with his crack sidekick whose moved on to a new world. Super Daddy becomes a teacher to wee ones with special gifts. They are diverse and indistinctive. Babies are subjected to kidnappings, Brexit jokes, beatings, torture, homo flavor and death. Sex is left to our imagination. The kids are fighting a world that thinks them the punchline. Daddy crunch served with youthful subjugation and lots of gay spirit. 08-Nov-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Costume, Daddy Squish, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Over the Top, Overcooked, Pitchy, Preposterous, Squish Alert, Stupid Funny, Twinkie, Wit Crack

Filed under: TV

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08-Nov-2021


Replicas (2018) Whimper

Daddy K suffers tragedy. He loses family members in unison. Frankenstein is the science that can revive them. Our favorite thing about Keanu is his uncomfortable meter. Papi looks uncomfortable and that's great. It makes you want to spit shine his doorknob so he can calm down. Robots don't cut it, emotions don't transfer, I fell asleep, rewound, sobered up and still didn't get it. 08-Nov-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Daddy Squish, Preposterous, SciFi, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Unenthusiastic, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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08-Nov-2021




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