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All Posts Tagged as 'Preposterous'

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First Omen, The (2024) Whimper

They couldn't follow up the original story so they made shit up. I wanted to see the devil fuck a jackal. In what Walt Disney world is that not possible? It took cues from The Nun without inhabiting what made the original Omen successful. Actors we cared about bringing a terrific book to life. A score that lives in my eternal memory. A director that defined it without judging it. Damien-Omen II's foreboding notes would have given the movie strength and fan base pleasure throughout, if they had thought to use it. 01-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Cold, Horror Mild, Inactivity, Indecipherable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Silly, Slow, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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01-Jun-2024


Ripley (2024-) Whimper

Johnny Flynn did not make me understand why anybody would envy Dickie's life enough to steal it. Dakota Fanning was misused. She never really progressed past her harsh demeanor. She needed the director to shake the professionalism out of her. She was supposed to be the heart and the meat of the story but there was little proof the character had any. I would have air horned her when she couldn't say Dickie with a straight face. Why were the details so repetitive and why did I have to look up Caravaggio to understand what the killer was all about? Because, besides talking to dead people, it's complicated. Inspector Ravini added a shot of testosterone to the murky blunders. He was a beautiful respite from Ripley's underwhelming reactions. Unfortunately, the Lucy episode betrayed him. The idea that Scott could play both characters in front of an expert investigator, whilst sporting a goatee and messy hair and not get found out was a slap in the face of the entire investigation and series. Even Ricky wasn't that stupid. Ripley never got to spaz out. Bummer. Dickie was never pictured in the papers when they thought he was missing and when he was wanted for murder. The cops didn't go door to door with a picture of Dickie asking the hotel clerks if they've seen this man. Why? Woodbine showed up again for no reason other than to fill his quota. He also kept his eyes mostly closed. Comprehension did not seem feasible at that point. 19-Apr-2024
E5. You can't ask a fish to play a canine. Instead of using it's time to add depth to other characters it kept depending on only one artist. It is not feasible that a person of his character would return to the scene of the crime and less feasible that nobody would care. Details that read well were ignorantly distributed. I read the original book, was entertained by the film and remembered it wasn't this boring. 17-Apr-2024
E3. Of course I'm still mad that they didn't supply any crayons for the coloring book but papito's italian accent made up for it. He added finality to certain words and made them linger with musicality. I crinkled half the book joyously laughing. I pinched him and hugged myself. 16-Apr-2024
E2. I'm losing patience. It doesn't matter what spectrum an actor falls into, when asked to play a boy, they better act like one. 14-Apr-2024
E1. Black and white can be a statement, the past and or a representation. Schindler's List was black and white so the violence wouldn't be glamorized and the subject exploited. I have no idea why this interpretation needs to be in black and white. It's insurmountable misery. The ambience is french/italian movies from the 60's that bored or didn't easily make sense. It shouldn't be noir. Paper Moon? The Little Rascals? It's not Hitchcock. If the black participants hadn't kept their eyes open, I wouldn't have noticed them. I recognized Woodbine's name after the credits. Who did he play exactly? Yes, the shadow at the bar. The mystery sweeps, the movement is slow but the leads keep you interested.

(Cutest swimsuit ever!) 13-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Insulting, Lifestyle, Magnetism, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Tedium, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

Filed under: TV

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19-Apr-2024


There's Something In The Barn (2023) Bites

The director didn't add scope to cramped spaces. The set-up was an opportunity to marry into the Gremlins family but the creatives were inspired to make schlock. It was nice to have a boy do something in a movie besides being written out. The thing in the barn is not a CGI wonder or a Chucky miracle. It was old and dusty, like the script. I hope they hired some little people, at least. The film confuses weird with scary. The action sequences were frozen, the comedy was foggy and horror didn't show up. 01-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Camp, Chemistry, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Cold, Comedy, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Fatigue, Holiday, Horror Mild, Preposterous, Retread, Silly, Stupid Funny, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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01-Apr-2024


Five Nights At Freddys (2023) Bites

It was difficult to establish how the animatronics were killing people. They never showed it. It was directed for wimps who are scared of horror movies. The reason for living animatronics is an overused one. They couldn't be aliens? How the fuck did that animatronic get in the car? They do not bend easily. How many times did we have to relive Josh's memories? We got it the first time. 07-Mar-2024

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Cliche, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Horror, Horror Mild, Oncer, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Tacky

Filed under: Movies

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07-Mar-2024


Fool Me Once (2024-) Howl

Michelle Keegan was salty with inner strength. Woman and child lose daddy to murder when intense family bonding goes awry. The detectives bungle, connect, bond and make us feel. Joanna Lumley exerts bitchiness and priority. The suspects were vibing. I was invested in every episode. Puzzle pieces were a reward. The final ones put my eyeballs back into my head. It would make absolutely no sense, if the director and performances weren't so great. It was like watching Dynasty: The Best Years with a moldovian massacre at the end. 14-Jan-2024

Tags: 2020s, Crime Drama, Disappointment, Fun Acting, Funny, Good Acting, Over the Top, Overcooked, Preposterous, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: TV

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14-Jan-2024


Barbie (2023) Whimper

Women can do anything except fight wars, raise non-toxic boys or shut up. Barbie is a politic, a preacher and a bore. Man hate shuffles in so often that enjoyment is stifled. The cast is brilliant. Margo and Ryan were perfect iterations of iconic toys and the support kept up but the story just memes on the same subject, over and over. The film distinguishes the sexes without exploring true intentions or circumstances. The best way for feminists to free themselves from a man's grasp is to never marry and to abolish religions that place them in dire situations. 16-Dec-2023

Tags: 2020s, Brutal, Camp, Cheeky Acting, Chemistry, Cliche, Cold, Comedy, Conspiracy Theory, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Fantasy, Good Acting, Grating, Inactivity, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Oncer, Political, Preposterous, Pretty, Repetitive, Revenge, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Tedium, Timid, Weird, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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16-Dec-2023


Blue Beetle (2023) Bites

The pace had no time to set-up character appreciation, it had a billion particles to settle. The family dynamic was food, drink, celebration and insanity. George Lopez added comedy schtick to his act. He looked like a character booted from Bedrock because he was too loud and ornery. The breast queen should be playing Lady MacBeth not becoming a free TV actor. I can see her washing blood from her hands and implementing Elvira's cleavage cut. The rest of the family and the leads apply stereotypes without explaining them. There is no such thing as a stereotype because it's only a description of our heritage. Universal speak. Nobody passed the classic TV Q test and the silliness hardly stopped. The best of the mythology turned into a fiesta. The family went everywhere together. Really? When did they masturbate? Why did the family get superpowers? Beetle's nemesis was a bigger and badder version of himself. Couldn't we have gotten something a little different? If the production wanted to fill the female quota, why didn't they concoct some awesome female villains? He has lots and no villain is scarier than a latin woman scorned. She'll slash your tires. 27-Nov-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Cultural, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Revenge, Sap, Shrill Act, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Vague, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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27-Nov-2023


Scream (2022) Arf

I was surprised by the comedy horror tag. I saw nothing funny except for all the situations that put Ortega in harm's way. She was one of the bright things.The ghost costume needs an upgrade. The voice actor for Ghostface sounded like a harmless prototype. It's nice to remember the past but it didn't adhere to logic. The newbies were social media born and nothing more. I applaud Neve for bringing her original face and showing us she can act. She looked great. Cruel deaths are only delegated to males. The director did well with horror but the wink, wink trivia isn't cool anymore. That joke only works once then it becomes annoying. 13-Nov-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Brutal, Cliche, Conspiracy Theory, Daddy Squish, Director Experiment, Drama, Fatigue, Horror, Preposterous, Sequel, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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13-Nov-2023


Bachelor In Paradise (2014 - ) Arf

The producers made daddy Palmer look like one of the weird kids from The Polar Express. His eyes didn't move, they dialed down the light, the sparkle and he started looking through people, not at them. My apologies, sir. 12-Nov-2023
Oh no! I think the show is on realtime. The new girl said Brayden looked like Johnny Depp, nobody threw anything in the ocean and worst of all, they restricted daddy Palmer's cornea movements! No more eye fucking. They cut away just as soon as tears started to stream down his face. 04-Nov-2023
Mr. Palmer is a faithful husband. He only eyefucks men. It was fun to see Wells eat his burrito, though. Somebody looked like they were going to join a supremacist group after getting dumped. Brayden is a pirate that has all the women aflutter. Can all the girls fuck him and dump him so I can stop obsessing about him? Were asses covered up because they pooped themselves or because we might get excited? Yo, you can't be the fairer sex if you believe everything a man says. Kat's birthday cake looked nasty. Why are these people allowed to throw anything into the ocean? Doesn't she know that Flipper can get diabetes? 28-Oct-2023
Woohoo! The Palmer eye-fucked the newbie in an episode where not much happened. If you're demanding honesty from a man, don't do it like Kat. She hates the truth. 23-Oct-2023
Brayden's beauty suffers intense consequences because he can't deliver. Sean looks like a dream prince that Dreamworks dreamed up. There is no rational reason why Will should act sensitive when being dumped. Aaron needs to butt fuck his girl so she can stay regular and alive. She is a walking testament of why travel sucks. Wells is a cute package that the contestants keep unwrapping. The theme is past promises made to people they weren't attracted to and the people who can't accept it. Jesse Palmer hasn't eye-fucked anyone and that's worrisome. They're so good. Men only! The thighs are wide, the legs are nice, the men have bite, are succulent and falling apart for trying to make someone else happy. Is this how toxic masculinity is created? 18-Oct-2023

Tags: 2010s, 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bad Acting, Chemistry, Choices, Cliche, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Emasculating, Fantasy, Fun Acting, Gay, Good Acting, Grating, Hot Swatch, Hyper, Juvenile, LGBTQ, Lifestyle, Maddening, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Reality, Relationships, Romance, Shrill Act, Silly, Squish Alert, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: TV

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12-Nov-2023


AHS: Delicate (2023) Whimper

S1E1. Big K is horrific and almost interesting. Emma Roberts is avoiding the camera, lest it tell something. She only understands ditzy blonde characters. The idea is a respectful homage but production keeps hurting it. Fantastical coincidences are painful recreations and hallucinatory effects are weak. We can only concentrate on one big thing at a time. Ryan always wanders. It seems like we're counting down until a stand-in with plastic taped to her butt, creates the illusion that we are witnessing and recording K's magnificence, naked. 27-Sep-2023

Tags: 2020s, Bad Acting, Cliche, Disappointment, Horror, Preposterous, Silly, Timid, Writ For Short Attn Spans

Filed under: TV

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27-Sep-2023


Fear In The Night (1972) Arf

Angelic training makes a wife susceptible to malice because they are mentally unstable. Legends of art accelerated the drama. The table turn was sweet and the film wasn't a horrible waste of time. 22-Jul-2023

Tags: 1970s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Cliche, Crapfun, Disappointment, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Horror, Horror Mild, Predictable, Preposterous, Psychological, Relationships, Scare Obvious, Silly, Suspense, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

Filed under: Movies

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22-Jul-2023


Knock At The Cabin (2023) Whimper

The first shot aspired to greatness. People sharing the same belief targeted for survival. Dave Bautista jumped off the page and ended up a Lex Luthor on some greater planet. The director doomed art with mumbo jumbo and lucky coins. I mentally conducted scenes before they happened. The kid was cute but I totally wanted her to be a M3GN. They filleted a Harry Potter veteran before his time and Ben Aldrige's identity were his well crafted legs. I'm fuzzy on his face, though. Jonathan Groff chose Edith Bunker likability as his acting inspiration, he was a dowdy housewife with the spirit of a freedom fighter. The director separated reality from conflict and ruined the whole thing. 28-Jun-2023

Tags: 2020s, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

Filed under: Movies

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28-Jun-2023


There's Something Wrong With The Children (2023) Bites

Mixed raced couples spend a weekend away with each other and their latino kids. Things go awry when they hit a cave on their hike with a luminous hole that only attracts the attention of children, even though it later states that adults can go in it too. The only thing that changes after the incident is that the kids stop being snarky and in charge. They turn robotic, obedient and deadly, sort of. The friends start accusing each of things real and induced by vagina magic. The men react off-key and don't have much of a bond. The women have a hypocritical relationship. Telling the truth only applies if they're drunk, tested or just can't stand each other. The mother blaming her friend for the death of her child rang. The children don't scare and revenge is unfulfilled. I thought putting a little sombrero and poncho on the siblings would not have necessarily scared us but it would've created iconic characters, like Freddy. The scariest things arise from stereotypes, not hate. 23-Jun-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, By the Numbers, Director Hands Off Approach, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Horror, Preposterous, Relationships, Stupid Funny, Timid, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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23-Jun-2023


Gantz:0 (2016) Arf

Some of the realism popped. An Alexa prototype is god to mankind and can gift life and restore earth's biggest dilemma. There are monsters running amok, conquering earth and no human to contain them. The monsters amaze like boss battles but the characters are srtipped of personality. Why are there monsters running loose? How does Alexa resurrect us? Are the monsters left or right? Can a man fuck a girl back to life by winning the game? (Love the hair effect.) 22-Jun-2023

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action, Animation, Camp, Director Movement, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Foreign, Preposterous, Revenge, Suspense, Vague, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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22-Jun-2023


Fantastic Four (2005) Arf

If you left kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bucket, expecting the movie to pop them, it does not. The origin story is deprived of force because of its oversimplification. Only three members achieved not looking foolish in their embodiments. Chris Evans steals everything with his bad boy swag, partial nudity and up to your imagination charm. Michael Chiklis was turned to brick, his eyes the main conveyor and I felt him. Kerry Washington was brave to enact being blind and fucking a brick dick. Ion Gruffud was chosen from a dork photo line-up. Jessica Alba decided to go bronze skin with blonde hair which is irrelevant to who she's portraying. I always envisioned Sue Storm as a mature-minded leader. Every breath Alba shared, purred, "I'm sexy, are you going to marry me or what?" According to the film, Sue Storm has no reason to powerfully exist except to stop traffic, plea for love, get undressed and be invisible. She's no Barbara Bain. Julian Macmahon's Dr. Doom made my popcorn explode with a whimper. He acted like he was in a live comic book written by those Power Rangers people. He cheapened the film. The film is more excited about what effects can do than establishing a purpose for a character's existence. Action is in a rush to move on and be forgotten. Its enjoyable but "let's put it in the kids' dvd section, for now. 16-Jun-2023

Tags: 2000s, Action, By the Numbers, Camp, Cheeky Acting, Cliche, Comic Book, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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16-Jun-2023




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