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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Preposterous'
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I can't identify with a child that wakes his parents up so daddy can walk him to the latrine which is terrifyingly one block away. To piss. Why didn't he just piss in any corner of the house except where mama hangs laundry? It debates whether parents should compromise a boy's sensitivity by forcing him to become a man if the times deem it necessary. It's a future where woke people are forced to eat animals named Fluffy to survive. Suicidal grandpa daddy grants himself an early reprieve by getting a conscious in between bouts of "I don't give a shit! and "I want to die!" Daddy did not deserve a vacation. Mother madness is spooky with minimal slaps and torture towards children. She did good with killing animals, though. I didn't understand it. "The monster is made of trees, branches and bad lighting, maybe. You imagined the whole thing. You're just like us. Nuts." The child riled us up but the director couldn't give us a reason for any of it. 08-Jan-2022
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) 
Venom is nothing without that spider boy splitting his ass in half. How fortunate that Tom Hardy has a dick-breaking ass. Venom's and Tom's duality don't combine. There are attempts to bring them together but talking to green screens is all it is. I imagined a wraparound as opposed to a pop out. I was aghast at how youthful and beautiful Mira Sorvino looked then realized with humiliation that it was Michelle Williams. Michelle got rid of the haughty accents, loosens up and shakes her sourpuss. Reid Scott was a supportive adorable dunce. I thought Stephen Graham was a Walhlberg doing a bad imitation of a better Wahlberg. Woody Harrelson was channeling an old white woman from the 1950's out on her last stroll. Go nuts, daddy! The film has no purpose except to destroy and sell but it has stupid entertainment value. I liked Asian Venom, they gave us a hint at Lady Venom and didn't dare realize a Drag Queen Venom. Why not? 07-Jan-2022
A Karen gets flashbacks of her maternal discord and cheating ways when she spots a young Karen with the same problems while vacationing. The whole shebang is weird and nonsensical. Maggie Gyllenhaal's direction made me dislike Olivia Colman's acting method. I love Olivia Colman. Don't show me Olivia Colman's acting method, show me her acting. Director did not appreciate the beautiful creature Lady Colman is. That's all. 03-Jan-2022
Someone thought that realizing one of the most horrifying fairy tales to live film was a whimsical idea. The director wastes little time on magic and spends most of it on ugliness. He realized all the threats in a boy's life and all the insanity of the myth. A boy that really isn't a boy is considered a genderless fuck opportunity. Pedos prefer gender non-specific children because it's the baby smell they're after. Pinocchio is the perfect victim. Unique, beautiful, stupid, excited, rebellious and cooperative. The puppet gets enslaved, murdered, robbed, betrayed, hated, abused and exploited. Pinocchio cannot become a boy because his ADD doesn't allow him to sit still long enough to accept love and he's kind of an asshole. I'd be an asshole too if I were created to give hugs and tickles to ugly men. Oops, I was! The director rushes through plot points and changes nothing to make the ordeal acceptable. Why does wood eat? Why doesn't he rust or flake? What is the fairy's deal? His growing nose is a hard-on, not a lie. Jiminy Cricket sucked. It's a horror movie. Becoming a boy only grants him a hole. The world around him still sucks. 29-Dec-2021
The afterlife Anthony Bourdain would have lived if someone had stolen his truffle sniffing pig. Nicolas Cage rides shotgun on a road trip to nowhere interesting, with an undefinable buddy, to bring his pet home. The transition from woods to city, hurts. It's supposed to be a vehicle to re-establish Cage as a bona-fide actor. He is battered, humiliated, hated yet his composure remains the same. He doesn't give a shit. Cage doesn't get to rage and his breakdown is silenced. Adam Arkin sparked chills by spontaneously talking like Cage and raging how Cage did not. The words ponder nicely but deliver dribble. Imagination does not fly because intelligent thoughts are incarcerated. When imagination ceases to exist, I will still wonder if muting Nicholas' breakdown deprived us of his gift. Bourdain wasn't meant to be Indiana Jones, he was supposed to live long enough to accept his punishment. That's what it should have been about. 28-Dec-2021
The premise is too outrageous to describe. Nerd becomes "toxic man" when he meets the inaccessible woman of his dreams. He lives in a game and not. I pondered. Is Ryan Reynolds funnier when the makers convince him it isn't supposed to be funny? Who knows. I accidentally turned on deaf of hearing mode and was perturbed by the narrator describing every fucking single thing that happened. I thought, what an annoying piece of shit then I realized the goof. Oops. I corrected it and fell asleep. I will review it properly later, or not. There wasn't much to like. 28-Dec-2021
Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021
I exited before any more of my brain cells died. Not all geniuses are meant to portray geniuses. Nicole doesn't squeak enough or husk enough. She couldn't pick an accent from Lucy's bountiful history to make us believe she was Lucille Ball. Nicole is an Australian model failing as a moll bride. Lucy cracked and she bellowed. Ridiculousness was her class and experience was her wisdom. Nicole understood neither. Javier may be a fuckable specimen on his own accord but Desi wasn't that heavily accented or pitiable. Daddy needed some voodoo guidance. Aaron Sorkin placed the blame on Lucy. Fuck you! 22-Dec-2021
No one should be interested in a man that has left their love waiting at the altar three times. It labels the neglected, a doormat. Robin Williams is the Professor that discovers Flubber. Flubber is a squishy jello substance that appears animal except when it's being materialized as a money making substance. No one dies when hit by a fastball, brains don't get smashed when hit by bowling balls. The film thinks it's funny to apply the same stitches to both. Death is the realistic word. Weebo is a sexy pitched robot that sparks jealousy. Robots and emotions are confusing. We are not of the experienced mind to buy it. Robin is the sad guy who gets left, not the ass clown with regrets. Williams' sweetness permeates, creativity enervates but the story has no gas. 20-Dec-2021
There is no dog in sight. Teen with effeminate ways grabs the attention of the town bully and gets a crush on him. Son is subjected to alpha humiliation that gives him a hard-on which makes mother heartbroken yet keeps boy obsessed with tempting the savage. She marries the bully's brother and moves into the bully's home where he finishes her son off. Cumberbatch has no idea what a cowboy is. He jangles and jingles with exaggerated sounds of the west and comical highwaters but only his butt stood out. His pronunciation of "fatso" held no effect because he didn't know what the fuck it was. It's not a fact, it's a genial insult. His slow drawl compensates for an accent with no attachment to history. He is miscast because the safety of the participants prevails great art. No one is going to take a chance on a toxic male presence for reality's sake. Rick from The Walking Dead would have made a savage cowboy. Jane Campion is obsessed with certain keys of the piano and noises that no one else finds comforting. Kirsten Dunst would have given an award worthy performance if someone had written her one. Her character is scattered and listless. Hiring a tall boy doesn't diminish the film going Brokeback with a child. The film may not consummate it but we're not stupid. Jane Campion spends so much time lingering that the thought is lost. 06-Dec-2021
Scoob wasted little time visiting memory lane. Shaggy almost lost me when he ate the meat that Scooby dragged across the city's streets. Shaggy's voice doesn't crack enough. Scooby's diction has cleared up and he's become an Avenger. The visits from neighboring toons are a nice touch but are not properly integrated into the Scooby mythology. It's origins taught kids how to unmask the monsters in their lives and fight back. The movie missed that point. They sure were cute, though. 28-Nov-2021
Daddy K suffers tragedy. He loses family members in unison. Frankenstein is the science that can revive them. Our favorite thing about Keanu is his uncomfortable meter. Papi looks uncomfortable and that's great. It makes you want to spit shine his doorknob so he can calm down. Robots don't cut it, emotions don't transfer, I fell asleep, rewound, sobered up and still didn't get it. 08-Nov-2021
"James Corden" type entertainer teaches genius diversity how to rock out. Sex, drugs and rock n roll. 23-Oct-2021
Frivolous conversations, uninventive action, uninspiring support and bad Russian speak make for a non-movie event. 14-Oct-2021
Latino violates fancy woman in front of her uppity husband. Fancy woman lets her guard down and enjoys it. Male toxicity ensues. Several accounts of the rape and murder are presented. Paul Newman was a distraction as a blue-eyed Mexican bandit, with a hulk wig, "grande" dick, grease paint and an "I hate gringos" accent. Most of the actors didn't conquer southern speech. Capt. Kirk played a priest that spoke words as if Shakespeare had written them specifically for him. All the versions add up to a hilarious finale that shouldn't have been. 12-Oct-2021
