TV Posts Tagged as 'Juvenile'
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Summer House (2017-)
Reunion 2. The Hannah/Kyle dispute was tucked away. Kyle is the middle aged version of her fiancee and the man of her wet dreams. Carl's hands spoke and touched everyone. He did the giant thing and they swooned. Lindsay spoke like a man and got appreciation. Luke smashed Hannah's face in the jelly jar and brought down the fourth wall of reality TV. The host pretended minimally to scoop it up. "No. Really. It's not, we're not, I'm not, none of us are... fake. Really." 08-May-2021
Reunion. Hannah cried at every word rhyming with Luke and puked at every reference to Kyle. Kyle busted his rubber bands and walked out. Luke is still apologizing for being horny. Host did not offer Carl's giant hands their own seat or their own questions. 30-Apr-2021
I had a doll like Kyle once. He was blonde, four feet tall with rippling muscles, and a thong. He could pop rubber bands with his biceps. I had my seven foot black GI Joe fuck the shit out of him every day. My mother noticed the cum stains on Kyle and made him disappear. Something akin to how Hannah feels. She admired him in the toy store window when she was a tot but her mother wouldn't buy him for her. Shush, honey, that's only for boys. She can't get her hands on him. He's so disgustingly dominant for a little dick. I want him! No, I don't! Luke what? If I were Ciara I would have gotten Carl fucked up, up my dress and convulsing to his giant hands by now. Next morning. Car screeches away. Who was that? Carl. He had business to take care of. Really? Lindsay. Not being self-conscious of what she's doing makes her a really bad actress. Happy married with children! 23-Apr-2021
Stephen found out the hard way that there is no pleasing a woman. Dude, they're cocaine and we're weed. Wear them out. 05-Feb-2021
90 Day Fiancee: Tell All (2021)
The legend of the Leprechaun
Pt.2. Tarik and Hazel. Why is everyone pretending Tarik doesn't want to fuck Minty? Dude, her name is Minty. Minty doesn't like women but she's pretending to so she can steal Hazel's green card. "Bitch, get your own chump!" Andrew and Amira. I'm surprised she can travel. She doesn't move much.
It ended abruptly and it was Natalie's turn. WTF?! 19-Apr-2021
Pt.1. Yara & Jovi. Jovi likes strippers because they make him cum. Mike & Natalie. Natalie might qualify for "best supporting actress in a documentary" at next year's Academy Awards. Mike is a beastly leprechaun. He promises her his pot of gold then takes it back. The beast got shot projectiles for finding a unique way to explain cheating on Natalie. The prize for the humiliation is five years of extra fucks for him and a smelly closet, a freezing home, a pig, carrots and some company for her. I hope someone asks Natalie if she's a hardcore fan of Alison Argram who played Nellie Oleson on Little House... Brandon & Julia. Julia gave all the males woodies and squirms whilst describing her career, esp. Jovi and Brandon's dad. The Boy's mother almost choked from twitching closed her emotions. Rebecca & Zied. Tiffany's friend flirted with Zied and fucked Tiffany's husband. His guilt oozed right off the screen even though nobody accused him of anything. Zied didn't fuck Rebecca when she got naked in the hot tub because the lighting was off. Andrew & Amira. She couldn't breathe so she put a sexy bustier on to help the oxygen circulate. Andrew got his hair ironed for nothing. 13-Apr-2021
90 Day Fiance (2014-)
"The Boy" read the Russian incantation that turns him into a doll during his wedding ceremony. Mike seems to be the only cast member to have understood the irony of The Americans. Natalie freaked out about the fat fuck not marrying her like they were giving out Emmys for it. "Best Outburst By A Communist" in the reality TV genre. 28-Mar-2021
It no longer seems viable that the main purpose of the show is to celebrate interracial marriage. It's a business contract. Men who have trouble corralling local women have to go abroad to find a strong woman willing to give them what a man needs and able to fight to keep it true. More babies; more man freedom. Unfortunately for man, women are evolving all over the world and man has no time to ponder. They nag as much as the American bitches.
A woman with power fishes overseas because she needs to feel like a woman again by the crude affections of a foreign alpha with a penchant for America, sex, shackling, expensive gifts and more money. I don't think getting your head chopped off for an orgasm is worth it but... They all deserve each other.
(P.S. Did Julia call "The Boy" a doll? Awesome. He's turning.) 01-Mar-2021
Natalie and Mike's ferocious mother. Natalie turned into WandaVision for one night and it was glorious. Does her country allow her to be this independent and vocal? She was on a mission to get what she deserves. Mama came onboard to judge. Both women were hardheaded. Mama Ferocious smeared Rachel with butter and slapped her son with a tail and an elephant moniker. They were Avengers united in the quest to do what's best for Mike. Unload him/inherit him. Brava! Rachel won the day and our hearts. Has she? Madame Meow and her son. Meow forgot to check the other ten phones he's hiding at his girlfriend's house. He's setting her up and she is letting him. Why? It's dangerous to conceive that her actions are ok because she likes it. Andrew and Amira. Nasty, dude. Maybe what The Boy needs on the farm is a man. 26-Jan-2021
Call Me Kat (2021-)
You know what? Kat is growing on me. She hasn't released her Big Bang rigidity but busting out some Blossom on shrooms sort of moves would make the character a classic. Miranda couldn't give a fuck and neither should Kat. Good luck! 27-Mar-2021
Mayim Bialik presumes she's as adorable as her childhood character, Blossom. She's not. The support represents everything that she has publicly denounced so it's uncomfortable watching them glorify her when she'd rather talk to the camera than interact with them. Leslie Jordan deserves better, Swoozie Kurtz might as well retire and Cheyenne Jackson has swallowed way too many dicks to be considered a straight romantic lead. 23-Jan-2021
I perceive things the way they might be viewed in the future. It's not good stand-alone art unless you're a historian. The finale perpetuated no grand slam due to identical hero/villain strikes. Hulk didn't show up to break the barrier down and Kathryn Hahn is the professional you hire when Idina Menzel's understudy gets sick. It was grand showboating without the Disney magic. If Idina had sung Wanda out of the stratosphere, it would have been brilliant. I was so sick of her. 05-Mar-2021
It's a brilliant idea that doesn't understand what a classic sitcom is. Hidden treasures abound if we do our homework and expand our flight experience. Why? I just want to be entertained. Show us. When did Elizabeth Olson take up blinking? That is an actor's death knell. Stop blinking! What I'm watching is a disappointment and an excuse to tease us to watch something that gives nothing but clues. 18-Jan-2021
Daddy Hamburger w/Cheese, Bacon and no Mayo looks unhappy around kids. 20-Feb-2021
If anyone deserves a series is Kenan. I'm not sure if this is the right fit or it needs time to evolve. I cheer for Kenan and his cute daughters but I sometimes regret what comes out of their mouths. Kenan is courageous, he found a quick witted way to criticize Beyonce's weight and not be offensive. The daughters' are privy to grown-up naughty stuff which is off-putting. Is that a new generation thing? Yuck. There is a war between nastiness and wholesomeness. I hope nasty wins. 20-Feb-2021
Summer House (2017-)
Dude, they're still alive! They're back with added color. They haven't grown one bit. That's fabulous. 05-Feb-2021
Every party is a cleanse for every dream that wont come true. 07-May-2020
Truth party games. Wow, they really work.
The girls are friends again until the next bout of horniness trumps it. 01-May-2020
The green giant has sexual dysfunction and old people getting it on, is sick. 23-Apr-2020
Had no idea there was clamor for more. It's back to the future where we get to see grandpappy hook-ups in real time. "Me too" is a charity, feminine wiles are an exaltation, closets are for sex not coming out, women love big things, men are horny and crass mugs that only hold intelligent conversations whilst on the hunt and remain stupid after they fox it. I have no idea what they represent but my generation is enthralled and disturbed. 13-Mar-2020
A band-aid of happy endings. 29-Jul-2019
The gay got replaced by a floaty and a scary virgin. The elders are not aging gracefully and the show has gone from being my chore radio to white noise. When you watch reality TV you get to experience the damage our parents wrought. 23-Jul-2019
- Supreme Ken Doll (Kyle) needs to explore why he prefers living in a blur
- Waiting is a virtue (Amanda) - only if you know what you're waiting for
- Lindsay realized that change only happens when you apply it to yourself. Good for her
- The salt (Danielle) was overtaken by hot peppers (twins)
- The inactive (Stephen) needs to divert his hostility towards his parents. They are the reason he can't move forward
- The blistering giant's (Carl) self awareness allows him to take from life easily 19-Jul-2019
In season two they added salt to mild, endowed the gay with a bitch rap and the desperation from separation (relationships/careers) was dialed up a notch. Stephen needs to accept his het counterpart like he'd like to be. If he's really a friend he would appreciate Carl's flamboyance and his disregard for what people think of him. Hotness attracts men. Hot shit spills over. Unless you only have eyes for him...that's a different problem. 15-Jul-2019
It does stereotype well. Twins are still annoying, blondes are vacant, the gay needs an apron, the ex-fatboy is out for revenge and the women still have no clue what's flashing in a man's face. The man knows. Mind boggling. I may become obsessed by it or immune. 12-Jul-2019
Call Your Mother (2021-)
There is no reason to call her because she is the primary that needs parenting. Mother can make a dirty cheese muffin, attention grab the hell out of parental privilege and retract the independence from her children. A sexless black gay token is hired to fawn over white mama madness and the other is relegated to immobile chat calls as mama's bestie. The younglings have no idea how to create a spark and the son should have been gay. What's a crappy mother without a gay son? Boring. 21-Jan-2021
90 Day Fiance (2014-)
If this season doesn't wrap soon, I'm going to end up with a Russian accent. 19-Jan-2021
Mike and Natalie. Ukrainian is being Green Acred. Yara and Jovi. Her claws are nails hammered into a man's jacket but not the man. He's not in it because he's weaving his own shit. Stephanie and Ryan. Madam Meow caught a bird in her nest. She can't play with him like she does cats. They don't sit still. It's cuddles and swipes. He pecks her hard though. When her condition of madness worsens, we are embarrassed for her. Andrew and Amira. Andrew thinks he bought himself a bargain basement Mulan housemaid and caretaker. "Bro, she even kills men for me." Rebecca and Zied. Zied swagged like he was in one of those videos he watched on Beta in his own country five years ago. Rebecca's daughter and boyfriend contributed great face in internally exposing mother's mental ill-being. Call a doctor.
Daughter of Rebecca. If you don't want anyone confusing the asshole for your brother, die the hair. 12-Jan-2021
Dude, I swear I saw "The Boy" move. Poor Julia is definitely going to be "family dinner." The parents want "Boy" and "girl" in "separate rooms." She's alone in "Hobbit World: Creepy Campers." Good luck child. I hope you have friends. Mike and Natalie. America has made Natalie's curls limp and soft. I don't think she's noticed. When she does Hank is going to have to rustle up some carrots for her by the barrel full. Hank, whatever you do, send her back, don't leave her here with us. Jovi and Yara. Clever wench bespoke relationship and dollar bill expectations, he refuted, melted, gave in for the action, apologized and upgraded the relationship. A doll she shall become. Stephanie and Ryan. Stephanie, when he isn't answering your calls and texts, he's fucking. If it's been weeks, he's fucking, shacked up, enjoying life and turning the watches you sent him into gold. What does she think he needs them for? They are a poor country struggling to eat. Time doesn't matter. On the bright side, she probably fed plenty of villages. Maybe Stephanie needs the pain to feel alive again but if she values money she shouldn't. Keep playing with your cat. Rebecca and Zied. The only ones I give the benefit of the doubt to. Maybe you need to go far out to meet far out because you're far out. 28-Dec-2020
When you don't warn loser children about the reality of their limitations they turn to other planets to find worth. I'd rather fuck a pasty American than die on a crumbling planet. Brandon and Julia. The town was almost figuring out Brandon's sexual preference until the parents intercepted and set him up with a Russian bride. Brandon is the man who posed for "The Boy" doll, whose parents corroborate the backstory and whose actions cause a chill. Mike and Natalie. Drunker Blake Shelton engaged to Gwen Moscowitz. She might make his 2 feel like a 10 but his brain is mush. I don't get it. The intensity of her curls scare me. Rebecca and Zied. She's one of those people the parents couldn't convey the truth to and he's one of the assholes who noticed. Jovi and Yara. A doll and a pop-up. 08-Dec-2020
Saturday Night Live (2018-)
The Christmas episode with Kristen Wiig. Wiig graced us with her professionalism but the balls to her pong were deflated. Lorne, when you choose diversity over talent you get this. The worst cast imaginable. There are exceptions, Jost and Che always overcome the overly fussed jokes and even though he can't get it right Beck Bennet's squishiness is succulent. He stays for one more round until he can prove himself. Pete Davidson's infamy will always precede his comedy. None of Wiig's skits worked. She was out of practice and sadly written. Dua Lipa can't act but she can swing a mean hat. 20-Dec-2020
I watch every once in a while. The man is no longer in the picture. 20-Dec-2020
My lover and I quit you. 30-Sep-2018
Matt revved it up, Rachel graced it, the steadies couldn't overcome it, the host is best I don't mention and Kanye shat all over it. His disdain for all art was evident on song #1, negligence of talent and profanity (titgate? really?) towards women appeared second and historic irrationality capped the finale. He was a man who had sold his soul to the devil even if it betrayed his race and himself. Trump deserves him.
It made me angry and in need of a horror bath. 30-Sep-2018
Christmas Setup, The (2020)
A demure mouse and his follower spend Christmas with his mom to opine their inability to succeed at anything. Frilly city gay meets country dorky gay. It's a gay love story with grand support from a fairy goddess (Fran Drescher.) She huffs and puffs but everyone else is yawning. The romantic leads need some Goya beans to create a spark and Lifetime needs to do better impassioning the male community with quality man product. 15-Dec-2020
Dr. Seuss' The Grinch: Musical 2020)
The one time of the year where we show amnesty to a child predator banished to the caves because of a holiday. He turns green from a life of despair and lack of sexual perversity. Poor Max. Matthew Morrison is hated for his perfect curls, right amount of body hair, a nice gut and Leah Michelle professionalism and he knows it. Perfect casting for the The Grinch. The musical doesn't suck because of him, it is saved by him. A professional never sweats, never disconnects and never stops giving it their all. The mask lets him down but daddy was fully encapsulated. We hate daddy for calculating our pleasure but we'd eat it ASAP if we were caught in a forest or in a bathroom by accident. Wink. Wink. The songs are very outdated. Kids can't eat all the sweets that fill them. They don't know what sweets are and their parents can't remember why they banned them. It is a Whoville delicacy. The white bear meat looked really tasty too. Anyway, the pederast wants to destroy Whoville Christmas to honor the anniversary of when he got caught molesting a child that wasn't related. Cindy Lou saves the day, a green man woody makes a comeback, they all exchange presents they can't return and a molester makes it back home. 10-Dec-2020
Ben 10 Versus The Universe (2020)
Man of Action is its motto and we are stuck with it. Daring move. Gwen's character was shrunken, devoid of hutzpah and no magic. Bitch, we want the magic. Make it up on that infinite timeline I can't follow anymore. The upgrades are cool but I want to see it in 3D. That would make it awesome. Babies are exhausting, there is no heart left in the franchise and I no longer have a comfortable desire to relive my 30s. 28-Nov-2020
I don't have the missing brain cells to understand it or finish it. 28-Nov-2020
American Music Awards (2020)
Justin Bieber acknowledged that being gang banged by black male artists is why he mimics their rap and style. He also wanted to induct us into his new religion. Total fail. No man is going to join a religion that allows you to grow prematurely bald. Twink, twink. Taraji is the kind of guest you don't want to leave alone with white people. The Weekend donning Michael Jackson weirdness and surgery dedicated his award to gay hater Prince. "Katy Perry fat" makes a better live singer than Katy Perry normal. Wow, rap is so gay. I tuned out as soon as Derek Hough licked the camera. 23-Nov-2020