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All Posts Tagged as 'Funny, Sort of'
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Exactly what I didn't expect, in a place I wouldn't think of. 16-Nov-2023
It failed because the lead was an inhumane dick that played it cute. Michael Keaton's Batman was a CGI hillbilly that bored us to death. We can't accept a punk rock Supergirl until we tire of blondes. Fortune will come as soon as the audience forgets who these fuckers were. 29-Sep-2023
Angelic training makes a wife susceptible to malice because they are mentally unstable. Legends of art accelerated the drama. The table turn was sweet and the film wasn't a horrible waste of time. 22-Jul-2023
A boy learns the word slut from his mother. An orphan teenager and her polio stricken sister are adopted by a single mom and her 7 children. All is good until it's tragically not. Based on fact, the story follows the boy next door with a crush on a teen dream that tears his world apart. The aunt's brood are the product of perversion and horror. The abuse was horrendous enough to make you pull your hair out. Some of the scenes are oxygen intolerant. The boys/men faired better than the girls/women. The boys interpreted it as a sport while the girls/women dreaded everything. Had the aunt had Piper Laurie chops I would have shat my pants. Safe and artless. Teen dream did not give us more than was written but she was effective. The film works because when a monster has the power to influence one person, the whole community will join in. How does a child get help with that kind of force? Heartbreaking. 17-Jul-2023
It predated classics that trumped it. It was a template for the future. It was also a piece of junk. It was a film full of ideas that had to bombastically announce them. Michael Myers lived in a multi-verse where Laurie Strode "is" his sister. He kidnaps her, a baby, rapes her in front of the child and recoils until he's horny again. Did she give birth to Michael Myers, Jr. from multi-verse Halloweens? There was a glimmer of Joker's "dance with the devil" choreography. It made babysitting a shitty job. The privileged are forced to hire child haters. The child was adorable even when being manhandled by all sorts of creepy adults. The house is where you want to film it, Susan George didn't need to act and everybody needed to tone it down. 04-Jul-2023
There's Something Wrong With The Children (2023) 
Mixed raced couples spend a weekend away with each other and their latino kids. Things go awry when they hit a cave on their hike with a luminous hole that only attracts the attention of children, even though it later states that adults can go in it too. The only thing that changes after the incident is that the kids stop being snarky and in charge. They turn robotic, obedient and deadly, sort of. The friends start accusing each of things real and induced by vagina magic. The men react off-key and don't have much of a bond. The women have a hypocritical relationship. Telling the truth only applies if they're drunk, tested or just can't stand each other. The mother blaming her friend for the death of her child rang. The children don't scare and revenge is unfulfilled. I thought putting a little sombrero and poncho on the siblings would not have necessarily scared us but it would've created iconic characters, like Freddy. The scariest things arise from stereotypes, not hate. 23-Jun-2023
If you left kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bucket, expecting the movie to pop them, it does not. The origin story is deprived of force because of its oversimplification. Only three members achieved not looking foolish in their embodiments. Chris Evans steals everything with his bad boy swag, partial nudity and up to your imagination charm. Michael Chiklis was turned to brick, his eyes the main conveyor and I felt him. Kerry Washington was brave to enact being blind and fucking a brick dick. Ion Gruffud was chosen from a dork photo line-up. Jessica Alba decided to go bronze skin with blonde hair which is irrelevant to who she's portraying. I always envisioned Sue Storm as a mature-minded leader. Every breath Alba shared, purred, "I'm sexy, are you going to marry me or what?" According to the film, Sue Storm has no reason to powerfully exist except to stop traffic, plea for love, get undressed and be invisible. She's no Barbara Bain. Julian Macmahon's Dr. Doom made my popcorn explode with a whimper. He acted like he was in a live comic book written by those Power Rangers people. He cheapened the film. The film is more excited about what effects can do than establishing a purpose for a character's existence. Action is in a rush to move on and be forgotten. Its enjoyable but "let's put it in the kids' dvd section, for now. 16-Jun-2023
It supplied easy answers to limit the ill effects of farfetched search tech. I almost quit but the lead's lit and the answer to the mystery was beckoning. The reveal surprises but it doesn't drag you to hell. (We could've handled that.) 25-May-2023
It would be exploitation if the rape weren't the catalyst to the main's empowerment. Woman alone stays in the country where blue collar men with too much work, time, ugly women and no manners abound. City girl is a writer who handles well, is lonely, trusting and helpless. Among the victimizers is a challenged man that is susceptible to gang mentality and betrayal. The rape had elements of realism and buffoonery. The men are cartoonish during it, pulling faces and acting like they've never fucked anything before. Maybe, it was to soften audience blow. Our lady was courageous on and off camera. The comeback is not as powerful because the violence was of the Kool-Aid variety. They cut the penis dismemerment scene! Boo. 4K adds the clarity that time fixed. Scenes sparkle with beauty and the protagonist is a Charlie's Angel vigilante. 16-May-2023
It zipped through chapters as if only one page was allowed for each. They wasted Ingrid Bergman's haloed face and Susan Hayward's whiskey voiced bad girl. 19 year old governess develops feelings for a grandpa daddy, his perfect boys and ailing wife. The boys become attached and she becomes like family. She weaves in and out of their lives spanning years of separation. She returns to some really handsome adult sons and never aging grandpa for no reason other than a promise and bottled up hope. The brothers are fighting the war and a brother has brought a disruption into their home. Susan Hayward is that thing that keeps it chaotic while laughing about it. I didn't know it was a custom, in the 1900's, for women to kiss men on the mouth willy nilly. It was so ahead of its time I couldn't stop laughing. She made out with grandpa or any attractive man or boy that looked her way. She marries one, seduces another and maybe another until it becomes deadly. It squeezed too much history and information to empathize with and the bitch showdown consisted of Ingrid Bergman packing the whore's clothes and maybe shoving her down the stairs. 20-Apr-2023
I was bracing for another Fall experience but no vertigo set in. It had to be the shots. Above and below shots were seldom. The camera moved sideways as much as possible, as if they too were afraid of heights. The purpose for the drama is always the same, like the tragedy that inspired it. The pretty cast gave more than what we got. The story rises out of its standard issue to flesh out characters so the performers can deliver while they stall. It's petrifying in a very safe space. An ass prince shows up in winter/apocalyptic clothing, head to toe. They couldn't wait for summer? 20-Mar-2023
Rory Culkin pays a disturbed youth that returns from mental rehab to the care of his family. It consists of a mother who has no idea what she needs to do to make her son well, an even-keeled brother that lends strict support and an adorable nonna that seems to comfort the youth. Youth doesn't want to end up nuts like his dad and blames brother and mother for neglecting the man at his worst and making him super nuts. He thinks that if he finds a childhood friend he will marry her, buy a house with, have kids and best his brother, so he can be cured. The scenes that work best are with the family. Performers are jittery, anxious and emotionally invested. Culkin captured the character's frustration. The trek is uneventful because no one is ever home and the people he does meet flash by. You can't cure mental illness but you can hold it back. 10-Mar-2023
Jessica Lange tortures Gwyneth Paltrow because she can. Unfortunately, not enough to qualify for Mommie Dearest status. The editing is abrasive and the film has the confidence of a TV movie from the 80s. Schaech is a floral centerpiece and the ladies work it but the movie is melodramatic. 10-Mar-2023
A rough telling of a serial murderer who uses his hate for gays, family and all that get in his way to torture and kill. 4 brothers live with momma on a decrepit block, in a creaking house and a scary neighborhood. A neighbor babysits three of the boys and sexually molests them. I didn't quite understand how the mother found out. Did the LGBTQ tell her? She meets a man full of hatred who disguises it with charm. The teen boy is having boy problems. He keeps getting raped, losing friends and his mother is a follower who can't attract a proper man to follow. Teen bonds with new daddy unaware that he's an asshole. New daddy can't stop talking about killing pedos. The followers in his life concur. They should be allowed to kill them freely. Daddy gets into teen's head and secretly shares a sadistic side that the kid embraces because he is a victim of the people daddy wants to eviscerate. The Australian cast are so realistic that I couldn't understand them. TU cc. There are images that keep repeating in my brain because that caused it to silently scream whilst watching them. There's murder, rape, perversion, animal desecration, torture, hurt and realism. The film qualifies as Texas Chainsaw's cousin. 09-Mar-2023
Two wives wake up pregnant on a cruise ship after a blacked out incident with other men. An elegant woman infantilizes herself by marrying a muscleman that delivers but has no sperm. A sex bomb is married to a nerd who can't produce but keeps trying. A doctor intervenes with drugs and mind manipulation and all we can see is that magnificent bombshell married to a dork. Jayne Mansfield was an extraordinary presence. She can't lip synch. She was way off. Milli Vanilli off. She immersed herself in a Marilyn image that was hard to shake. Marilyn took everything seriously and Mansfield's rendition of Marilyn pokes fun at her. She can dance. I think she can sing. She takes a great bubble bath. I forgot what real tits looked like. It's okay. The director kept providing proof. An outrageous drag queen did her act, was a constant and didn't seem out of place. Her act was fun. Mickey Hargitay was man art. There was an old lady with a Spanish gigolo who kept feeding her food she was allergic to so she would die. He was cute. The film plays mind tricks but it puts on a great show. 05-Mar-2023
