Movies Posts Tagged as 'Funny, Sort of'
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Nomadland (2020)

How to minimize your carbon footprint by living like a dot. Though well portrayed and explored the film only pulled sadness from me. 19-Feb-2021
Where The Boys Are (1984)

Cis men will get a hard-on during. 75%. Gay men will get a hard-on going. 55%. Women only see what they want to see. 100%. Romance knows no bounds. Hangover. 13-Feb-2021
Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones (2002)

Ewan Mcgregor found the force. Samuel L. Jackson couldn't give two shits. Christopher Lee honored his count. Natalie Portman settled in. Hayden Christensen was anemic and woozy and almost vomited all over the film except that the magic of George Lucas was dominant and triumphant. TG. Can't we CG him out? More universe is explored, Jango Fett and Yoda kicked ass and the adventure was accomplished. I loved playing this game. 05-Feb-2021
New Mutants, The (2020)

Caged mutants. It stifles their capabilities and our enjoyment. I want to see them conquer the world that is familiar to us. It takes cues from the Freddy Krueger series, ho humming along and invading the lab rats' nightmares. Big Bad is stale and the action needed some throwback. Misplaced hair is my pet peeve. There's loads of it. The lesbians elicited some heart, Sunspot singed some hard-ons and the rest needed something to believe. So did we. 03-Feb-2021
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999)

I went retro and revisited some films that weren't to my liking. If it weren't for Lucas magic this film would be one of the worst. The child. Poor thing. No training, no soul. I would have skipped to the Superboy years one second after the awesome pod race. Liam Neeson didn't seem taken by the force. The words meant nothing to him. It was a job. MacGregor's head moved stiffly and he looked like he cracked up before and after many line readings. Jar Jar Binks was created by party people with no exceeding limits. I watched him drunk and still found him annoying. Natalie Portman must have looked blankly at countless fake CGI things because she applied it to humans as well. The voice she inflected was cockamamie and infectious. Yoda isn't as cute as The Child. At all. Blathering old idiot. Robes don't flow in saber fights and future love relations are not impactful if one babysat the other. The director worked beyond the force. The fans publicly cheered while quietly sighing. Darth Maul was a pocket. It makes a good game but not a good film. 02-Feb-2021
I Feel Pretty (2018)

They conk a woman on the head to get her to realize that if she acts confident she can become something. Mumbo Jumbo is not needed for that. There are plenty of people who rely on confidence to achieve their goals without being pretty. Who better to represent badass confidence than Amy Schumer. She breaks a soul cycle and claims hilarity and sweetheart rights but I paid for a bitch not a strawberry. Maybe next year she can be conked and black. 30-Dec-2020
Christmas Project, The (2016)

The adventures of future supremacists as they waft through their own battlefield of family traditions and alpha bullying. The parents are ditzoids driving their children to partake of a Christmas tradition called Elving. You leave presents on the doorsteps of needy/hopeless families everyday until Christmas. The town bullies are on the roster this year. The tween female interest cements hardons and impels macho competitions. She looks 20 while the boys look 8. Reality rarely sneaks in and there is no character to get attached to. I pictured future supremacist twink getting married in prison to his alpha bully supreme as he forever pays black fit homeless grand daddies with raspy voices for some sugar. The kindly school bus driver was black. 25-Dec-2020
Rock-A-Bye Baby (1958)

Starlet is knocked up by a Mexican bullfighter that she drunkenly married one day and literally died the next. Her career is on the upswing. Her next film is entitled "The White Virgin Of The Nile." With no recourse she turns to her childhood buddy and hometown slub to babysit her babies after secretly giving birth and whilst she makes the film. Jerry Lewis' exasperating talent is at half mast. When he lets loose we cringe, when he sings and curls his lip we bite ours. He won't let comedy be. He needs to smash it with babyface spasms and off-color perversity. He doesn't matter one bit. It's a beautiful film to observe. The music is light, the story is sweet and life was simple. Marilyn Maxwell exemplifies the Hollywood Goddesses of her time and the clothes accentuated her power. Connie Stevens was purity enchantment. It's a piece of candy I didn't want but I tried it and couldn't stop eating or talking about it. 20-Dec-2020
Christmas Chronicles 2, The (2020)

An array of adorable elves get kidnapped by Mr. & Mrs. Claus to run toy factories, serve their masters and provide Christmas preciousness to their surroundings. When an elf breaks a rule it gets turned into a fat depressed British runt. Why? Santa stomps and hair flips like a daddy stealth bomber, mama Santa has Goldie specs and the children are as interesting as the beach they never go to. Everything is boisterous and pimped out. When the elves turn into Gremlins the cuteness subsides, the gas gets turned up high and Christmas burns down. 30-Nov-2020
Abrams: The Boy 2 (2020)

The doll has a name but it's still beyond comprehension. The tidbits where they played with the doll's expressions was a cute opportunity that was underutilized. Making it react to things in a split second that no one is sure to see might have been fun. Owain Yeoman is a daddy water marker. Never too busy for work, the center of the universe, incompetent and not understanding of the language his son and especially his mother talks. Katie Holmes' dug sharply to give mom the suffocation of not being able to save her child from trauma and the burden of spending a lifetime treating him for it. She can't overcome her own because the kid is always reminding her of it. He was a witness. The more obsessed her son gets with the doll, the icier her mothering becomes. I wish there were a scene where she pummels it to death but no such luck. The set-up was too set, the 30's mystery cues didn't work and the next one needs to scrub the story clean. 18-Nov-2020
We Have Always Lived In The Castle (2018)

Freak sister with a penchant for magic spells lives high up on a castle with her debutante sibling who has been exonerated for poisoning the parents and a wheelchair bound uncle with mental health splits. The town (downstairs) has granted them human cancellation and have a mass crowd conniption whenever the youngest witch comes down to shop. The debutante is a 50's housewife cloned with a Stepford. They may be the same thing. I don't know. There is no emotional understanding for the characters' overreaction. A whole town, except two people, want to destroy the younglings and their handi-capped uncle. If the town were made up of Janes then maybe I can digest that, maybe. Everybody has a heart, right? Alexandria Dadderio fit perfectly into a suit that was too refined for the story. We never get to see why she's agoraphobic or a robot. Sebastian Stan is Halloween candy, playing a long lost cousin who kindly visits to fuck with them. (Like protests.) Taissa Farmiga was hired because she is accomplished at giving an out of place character its reason for living. She was one oomph away. I didn't get it. 23-Oct-2020
House That Jack Built, The (2018)

A psychologically misconstrued examination of a serial killer. If Lars had written a legible mental frame for Matt Dillon's psycho, the actor would have been highly praised. The script is basic, ignorant and fucked the space out. Von Trier lingers over every kill like it's a piece of art but all is brutal insanity. The length of the movie exhausts and the ending is an early exit regret. 12-Oct-2020
Oluture (2019)

A journalist joins the sex trade in an effort to expose the leading traffickers in their country. She meanders, manipulates, swags, snitches and avoids having sex. The men are crime kings who grab it, beat it, sell it, crumple it up and dump it (usually underground.) The suspense is agonizing because the hurt is real and we can't do much about it. It's "Cuties" horrifyingly grown up. 07-Oct-2020
Children Of The Damned (1964)

Only 6 of the damned children remain. They are diverse from different countries and brought together as gifted anomalies. The union creates a force amongst the children and the question of their humanity is evoked by anyone with a thought. The little buggers have a message. They kill because we kill. Man's interference with earth is not a save but a control. The kids exist to create balance. The adorable, horrible, little blonde wigs were missed but not needed. (I was curious to see how the minority children looked in them.) I'm sure they made the right decision. The mothers are ferociously hateful to them for making them live in an inescapable cold world. The fathers don't exist. The film expands and is its own thing but the explanation for the mythology bummed me out. 06-Oct-2020
Midnight Special (2016)

A boy special enough to kill and protect. Michael Shannon, Joel Edgerton and Adam Driver are daddy courage serving ass whippings and child protection. Kirsten Dunst inhabits a mother's sacrifice without saying a word. Solid acting sustains the probability. Little boy holds back when he should and only releases to surprise us. The theory echoed and much of the discovery is amazing. There are things I don't biologically understand but the sci-fi thrills are enough to make you forget it. (The scenario I always dreamed of played out and it destroyed my functionality.) 20-Sep-2020