Movies Posts Tagged as 'Funny, Sort of'
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Crowded Sky, The (1960)
It's a slow burn melodrama/disaster film. The legends emote, the daddies squish, twinx ponder and sluts can be redeemed if they stop kissing strange men and just marry them. The disaster is realistic and enlightening. 18-Sep-2021
Mortal Kombat (2021)
I'm young enough to remember playing it but too old to retain any character backstories. When the legends come to life it jogs the memory and its cool. The action brutalizes your senses and makes you feel guilty for releasing with it. The story and dialogue try to zap the fun out of it but the techies keep throwing water on it to keep the spark going. 09-Sep-2021
False Positive (2021)
Infertile wife visits an edgy clinic that promises results. Pierce Brosnan is the mad doctor whose business is to entertain women's fantasies. He's handsome, sketchy, with warm hands and a little bland. A snapchat into his perversion only made him normal. Justin Theroux was the pretty butterfly in the room. Ilana Glazer was miscast. She is not the type of woman to conform to a sexy suburban lifestyle, least of all, have friends, especially with that hair. Ms. Glazer seems like a representative of more important things. It's a scientific Rosemary's Baby without the devil or the scare. 27-Jun-2021
Goodnight, Mommy (2014)
Mother returns home after cosmetic surgery. She is burdened with twin boys, bandaged, tired, snarly and in need of recuperation. The boys are lonely and constantly interrupting her beauty rest which makes her upset and overreactive. The boys become convinced that the woman hiding under the bandages is not their mother. She's more violent than usual. The boys test her extensively and unbearably. They want to prove she's a fraud. "Misery" mayhem is top notch, direction has balls and the cast is deadly. 17-Jun-2021
Ten years have passed since her husband's death. The widow has moved on and is celebrating her engagement to a new beau when it's disrupted by an unnerving 10 year old who shows up and claims he is the spirit of her dead husband. His presence causes family uproar as they try to unmask a poverty-stricken child in love with Lady Nic that claims she shouldn't re-marry. The boy's unflinching demeanor is squirmy as Nic's is artistic. The director shot a continuous pan of Lady Nic giving beautiful stoic face but didn't clinch it with an ironic exclamation. He tried the same trick with the boy on the bench but the boy couldn't sit still. Lauren Bacall established herself. Danny Huston spoke for everyone as the jinxed and insecure groom who wanted to bash "returned husband's" brains out. Lady Nic doesn't unfurl until the end but it's strong. When Anne Heche blew up she exploded fantastically. If someone claims to be a lost loved one, you have to listen, even if it's ludicrous. 03-Jun-2021
Cold Creek Manor (2003)
City whites decide to move out of the city after their son's expensive shoes get scratched in the city. They are afforded an estate at a very low price that belonged to an ex prison crusader on a warpath with whomever moves in. Sharon Stone is onboard to bore us doing motherly stuff as an affordable VP. Daddy Quaid's anger doesn't generate enough sparks to make us care. Christopher Plummer was unrecognizable. Juliette Lewis made it ashore to tingle the plot and remind us Cape Fear did it better. Stephen Dorff was delicious smack as a bad boy affected by parental sexual freedom that you will eventually spit out and nothing more. Teen Kristen Stewart was at her best, hanging loose, upfront and appearing to hate only half the planet. The ending is as cruel as the wait. 16-May-2021
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.
Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021
Housemaid, The (2010)
Shuttered young woman accepts a job caring for a very well established family. Wife is made of plastic things and pregnant with twins. She believes her silent brute won't cheat on her because she's the perfect wife having miracle twins. "A man does not cheat on perfection." That is her motto and her curse. The eldest child is a delightful package. She is brave to say what's on her mind and sorry if it offends. A matriarch of servitude is the expert of the house, teaching the young woman how back breaking and useless it is making rich people happy. She is Mrs. Danvers, respectfully. Plotting, conniving, avenging, infiltrating and non-stop hurting to become like part of the family. Daddy is a self-absorbed god. Maid is a sexual magnet. An imperfect powerless naif to be completely his. The mother of the house is an awesome witch ready to set fire to anything that brings shame to their name. The scandal turns ingratiating maid into a hostile. The women cancel her for breaching family code... " you don't steal sperm from family gods that you are serving without asking the women first. Revenge is awesome. 10-May-2021
Mrs. Winterbourne (1996)
With a confident lead this might have been a cute comedy. 18 year old naif decides that New York is the place for her to establish success. Porn director introduces himself at the train station, impresses her, she moves in, she gets pregnant against his wishes, she doesn't abort and he kicks her out. She ends up in a fancy train to Boston with another pregnant woman and her charming husband. Tragedy happens. She and her child are accidentally mislabeled Winterbournes at the hospital and mother is forcefully marched to the Winterbourne estate to meet the mother and brother of the deceased. The fraud works because they've never met before. Miguel Sandoval was a pleasant contribution as a surrogate father to the boys and a gay butler privy to sex with rough trade. Brendan Fraser was at his prettiest, Shirley MacLaine was at her wittiest but Ricki Lake was a nerf ball. You can throw it around and manipulate it to land somewhere but it doesn't move by itself. Even the makeover was underwhelming. She went from Ricki Lake the actress to Ricki Lake the broadcaster. The baby was excellent. 05-May-2021
A beautifully crafted animation about unlocking traditional magic. Two brothers accidentally cast a spell that resurrects half of dad. No head or heart just crotch, ass, legs and feet. He profiles like a predator. He taps their shoes to announce to his victims they've been found.
My version: boy triggers a spell that brings complete daddy back. Hey, daddy's cool. Blah blah blah. If they want to keep him they have 24 hours to venture out and make it happen. They bond. They have beautiful memories and grand adventures without having to endure memorizing daddy's crotch and ass for 24 hours. Takeoff! Did cartoon daddy walk off the set in a huff? The filmmakers could not realize a finale for us. It was all hearsay. 08-Apr-2021
Deadly Illusions (2021)
Kristin Davis helms an asinine parent who hires a vibrant and stainless nanny to temporarily raise her children whilst she finishes her novel. With the children occupied, mama is able to walk the town freely, jump naked in the pool, smoke cigars, drink and get her labia lip smacked by a teenaged nanny. The sex isn't for exploration. It's cold and unimportant because the sex tease is an excuse to keep us interested and fooled. The nanny spends as much time with the kids as the parents. Where the fuck were those kids? Daddy exists to spill his juice and to pantomime what a real man looks like. It all culminates like "Fatal Attraction" trash with old daddy fighting for his life in a shower, wearing only a towel. Embarrassingly funny. 23-Mar-2021
Trial Of The Chicago 7, The (2020)
Courtroom dramas are much like potted plants. Dig, roll, splash and seed until it sprouts but the main focus is always the plant. The plant in this case is politics. I felt encapsulated by the premise, its ego and a lack of sympathetic elaboration. Cohen worked tirelessly on Hoffman the comic but not the man. Daddy Strong turned off his eye bright. It would have captured Rubin's forever boy glint. He may have been high all the time but in interviews he was lit. There were times Redmayne lost his breath trying to take reign of his American accent which made me fear it. Mark Rylance set it up masterfully and Frank Langella commandeered it beautifully. The script was sharp but it was mostly business and no play. Politics wait for no one. A lot more fun would have been nice. 16-Mar-2021
War With Grandpa, The (2020)
Spoiled kid starts a war with grandpa when hardship hits the elder and he has to move in with daughter and family. Mom and dad evict boy from his room so grandpa can die in it. The mistake is starting a war at all. Grandpa is too cute for mistreatment. Had the hijinks been pranks instead of combat they would have elicited warm feelings. The adults were jelling and the kids were posting but most of the pranks were classic TV lame. 13-Mar-2021
Moon-Spinners, The (1964)
Disney explores its sexual proclivities. Youngling travels to Crete with doting aunt (she dotes and travels with young succulence in order to elicit a fuck. From anyone!) Virginal child gets entangled in desires, foreign thieves, rapists, connivers and murderers. Girl power privilege in a foreign land. Pola Negri's Madame Habib makes you happy you remained but the caper is silly shit. 04-Mar-2021
How to minimize your carbon footprint by living like a dot. Though well portrayed and explored the film only pulled sadness from me. 19-Feb-2021