Wisps Posts Tagged as 'Sister'
Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.
My "me too" responded. It got lost in the Google e-mail mess. She validated my concerns and apologized for causing me such distress over an insignificant matter that happened eons ago. She stated that we are all sinners and that God had already granted her forgiveness. Does she think that God has a special prison for minor infractions (violent sexual offenders?) My "me too" and my family of amazons have announced themselves to be my biggest threat. Nobody cares! 09-Oct-2018
My "me too" never responded and I never got my family back. 07-Aug-2018
I spill my feelings on this platform because even though there is no feedback it allows me to see the situation from another angle so I can be sensitive and not cause greater hurt. If I don't find any social value to my share I will delete it.
I was my mother's favorite as my sister was my father's. They set us up to compete, to cling to one parent against the other. I was always my sister's annoying baby brother and that restrained us from getting closer. There is no respect for a boy too precious and shielded (mother) for a girl that was going to rule the world.
When she suggested doing oral sex on her, I slammed the idea down because I didn't know what it was, I wasn't sexual yet and it sounded shameful. My sister was persistent, either I go down on her or she'll tell mother my secrets. Was it that I dragged the butchiest of my G.I. Joes? I never really found out what she was holding over my head. I didn't need mother's wrath to be jostled so I acquiesced. It was uncomfortable to be so intimate with someone who only conveyed rancor to me. I felt dirty and bad and it further confused my sexuality. I see women as mothers or sisters and I can only sexualize the "bad" girl. My straight attempts had an automatic off switch.
I can be very accommodating but my mind always triggers a rebellion when I feel wronged. Before the week was over I killed the satiation machine by telling her that I hated the act and I wasn't going to do it anymore and that whatever secret she was holding over me she could convey because nothing could be worst. She was angry for a while, she never spoke my secret and I put it away as the first sexual scratch.
I don't want to shame my sister for the abuse because she was also a child who must have had her own perpetrator that introduced her early to sex. I don't know.
My adult sister hates the mention of sex, doesn't drink or drug (not even aspirin) and like all people with a shameful past has found that the spirituality of God will vanquish all sins. My mother calls her a saint and has always instructed me on how to appropriately act between myself and her family. My mother nagged me so hard about why my sister and I weren't affectionate or communicative that I outed the experience. Mother had nothing to say except to insinuate I was ridiculous and a sinful liar. The conversation was cut short and never revisited.
I tried renewing a relationship with my sister by joining our families and enjoying the best that support can bring but it was short lived. The problems, the competition, the parenting and the pop-up walls didn't allow us to trust each other and we found ourselves on different sides, in different states with hurtful words, little understanding then silence. I haven't spoken to her in years.
She has reached out. We don't mend because we never expose the problem and because she needs to know I forgave her a long time ago. It's a gamble but I need to know if she can accept it. 12-Mar-2018
I have to face my second "me too" and I'm scared because I don't want to hurt my sister's feelings.
My lover thinks I need to put it out there so I can challenge myself to face it. 12-Mar-2018
I wonder if my sister clutches her bible differently now that's she's been outed as a "me too" enforcer and enabler. 09-Aug-2018
When my favorite aunt announced to the family that my father had raped her throughout her early teens, I believed her and granted her support. My sister discarded it as the ravings of an alcoholic and my mother sought to investigate the situation.
Mother asked me...
"why would my aunt continue to hang out with us as a family if she was so perturbed by the incident? She must've enjoyed it then."
"I don't know," I told her. "It's her experience, ask her."
My mother never asked and remained unmoved by the discussion as my aunt's confession became a family joke. It hurts that my amazons couldn't unite with her. 23-Apr-2018
The reason I'm against fan celebration of motherhood is because mine used it as a cover to enact abuse to her children. She figured out that people are easily deceived into thinking the best of someone if it's presented in a clean and impressive package. My sister described it as military training. When we visited mother's family or friends we weren't allowed to move from wherever we sat not even to play with other kids because mother's children were not unruly. If anyone asked us if we would like something to eat or drink the answer was immediately no unless mother signaled otherwise because she didn't want anyone to think she was starving us. We were cleansed and groomed spotlessly and we would remain that way until the end of the visit. Everybody complemented her on how well she was raising us. She was the epitome of wedded motherhood and then lone goddess. At home we were terrorized by rabid mood swings, beatings, mental cruelty and fear. The love and affection she lavished didn't remain on the top of our brains for long because the hurt was so dramatic. Yet, my sister and I kept loving her, hoping for change and freedom. The fan adoration that she received for creating a spotless home, imbuing cooking excellence and the wit to survive it on her own was challenging to us. When we complained to adults it was to a wall of negativity. We were so ungrateful.
It was the epitome of a cult following and the refrain was always the same...
"Does she feed you? Are you clean? Does she provide a roof over your head? You have clothes, you get presents, you have the best mother on the planet. I wish she was my mother." I wished she'd been their mother too.
We were fucked. She created a world in which our screams were mute because she was so shiny. 19-Apr-2018
The first male celebrity crush that I could remember was Gary Cooper. I was attracted to his vulnerability, his fight for justice, his stance and the way his hair sometimes cascaded across his face. He constantly buckled my knees.
I was so exhilarated by him that while watching one of his films with my sister, I exclaimed "he's so cute."
My sister shot me a dagger and asked "what did you say?"
Uh oh, I think I just outed my 12 year old self to the least empathetic sibling ever. I backtracked and said that he was cute like a bunny.
She accepted it probably because she didn't want to have to deal with me but I was aghast I blurted that out. I wanted to be myself for just one moment. 29-Mar-2018
I had to make changes to my "me too" history. My sister wasn't the first. I excluded banana hammock in my brain because I didn't reciprocate which is a consideration he doesn't deserve. My sister and my uncle were in the backseat of the car. My uncle was drunk sleeping and my sister was gawking out the window. Did she see? Did that trigger her? 18-Mar-2018
I had to trek to the future to find out that in the past I was a twink, my father a brawling gangster, my mother a mental distortion and my sister a secret strategist. 05-Feb-2018