Movies Posts Tagged as 'Writer Humiliation'
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Free Guy (2021)
The premise is too outrageous to describe. Nerd becomes "toxic man" when he meets the inaccessible woman of his dreams. He lives in a game and not. I pondered. Is Ryan Reynolds funnier when the makers convince him it isn't supposed to be funny? Who knows. I accidentally turned on deaf of hearing mode and was perturbed by the narrator describing every fucking single thing that happened. I thought, what an annoying piece of shit then I realized the goof. Oops. I corrected it and fell asleep. I will review it properly later, or not. There wasn't much to like. 28-Dec-2021
Suicide Squad (2020)
Margot Robbie can't queef a joyous Harley, Joel Kinnaman misplaced his acting capabilities and Nathan Fillion can't squish anymore. Pete Davidson came and went, Viola gave it more than it deserved and the whole was obliterated by Cena and his tighty whites. The film has guts. it needs them to deal with an army of superhero ninnies. 02-Nov-2021
Black Widow (2021)
Frivolous conversations, uninventive action, uninspiring support and bad Russian speak make for a non-movie event. 14-Oct-2021
Raya & The Dragon (2021)
It wasn't made to include a "boy fantasy." 14-Jul-2021
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.
Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021
Two On A Guillotine (1965)
A most preposterous thing. Cesar Romero AKA first Joker is a magician with a sordid past and a death certificate. He promises in life that resusitating from death will be his greatest trick. He dies and estranged and long lost daughter shows up to qualify for the inheritance. If she can withstand a stay in his tacky castle of magic booby traps for whatever time period they specified, she will be legally rich. Thanks, daddy. There is a dumbwaiter and a maid frock ready and willing to share the riches if she fails. Connie Stevens was a wasted asset asked to look like perfection, scream normally, scream hysterically and faint at the sight of a Tiffany lamp... for hours. Cesar was under appreciated and underutilized. Dean Jones gave me baby hard-ons when he was trying to sell me a golden egg at Disney but is creepmeister now. He's fuckable with a swifty dump date. A rabbit gives away the scares, the reactions are ridiculous, the father becomes incestuous and the whole thing, except for Connie's hair is hilarious. 27-Nov-2020
Addams Family, The (2019)
Morticia was lacking the sultriness Gomez used to devour. Gomez was lacking the passion he exhibited at the most ludicrous and divine things. Wednesday could have used a little less rich girl in her voice and a lot more bitch. Uncle Fester was destroyed. Bette Midler was the only one of the group to have seen more than one episode of the tv series and gave Grandmama her unique flair. The family is constantly trying to kill or destroy each other, ad nauseam. Somebody missed the point of The Addams Family and what they constituted. They were us fighting for our place in the world from the imagination of a mad man. The writers need to apologize to the artists for making them create the angriest animated film ever. Dude, that's coming from me. 01-Oct-2020
Fullmetal Alchemist (2018)
A boy and his brother surrender parts of themselves while trying to resurrect their mother through alchemy. A journey ensues to find a philosopher's stone that will return their bodies and relax their souls. The animated series was a dark tragedy with kiddie undertones, celebrating science and magic shows, stupendous mutants with biblical powers, military strategies and coos, cliffhangers and curves while pulling the heartstrings. The introduction is action best, the characters and the costumes click the memory banks but its empathy blubber is unforgivable. 26-Aug-2020
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Runny episode in the Terminator franchise. There is no verve in watching women do what they never do in real life. ("If I see another Karen dropkick another neighbor, I'll lose my shit.") It has all the ingredients of the best ones with none of its simmer, smarts or pot of humor. Young Arnold impressed but his Terminator mythology was destroyed. The cute brother should have played the Terminator. Sarah Connor is a show off. It talks, it fights, it conquers...story continued on Jane The Virgin. 21-Aug-2020
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019)
It looks like the same level to me. There is a wisp of outrageous hilarity that ensues when we first hear Dwayne and Kevin attempt new accents, but it vanishes as soon as you sober up. There is only so much failure you can laugh at. I sat down in my boxers to get actioned up and ended up with shredded panties. There was so much sap that the pancakes runneth over. 15-Apr-2020
Rim Of The World (2019)
Aliens have invaded and, it's up to 4 pups, to save the world. The children are cliches and stereotypes discharging sexual innuendos, inappropriate confusion and fake bravado. The script particularly hates most of the black characters as they exist to be the brunt of a joke and are the fastest to grate. The aliens don't look or act like they can access tech because their design is jurassic. No fun, just crap. 13-Apr-2020
Saturn 5 (1980)
It literally reads, even in space, the Goldigger gets what she wants. The age difference is astronomical which sends charisma out the window. It probably would have played better with a spouse of equal experience. Farrah hadn't received her acting wings yet but she comes to life when she's experiencing pain (screaming, crying and panicking.) The robot is unfinished and ridiculous, the sets are TV comparable and the idea is no longer beneficial. 24-Jan-2020
We watch for the shiny new tech (even if it appears unfinished.) 09-Jan-2020
Marriage Story (2019)
I miss the glamour of Hollywood. It's a dead art because we think that celebrating beauty diminishes the underwhelming. A film is a dream. When I dream, I want to go to heaven. I don't want to dream about Martha down the street with her torn robe, washing dishes. Everything is a little bigger and a lot more perfect. We have professionals who can transport us to a shinier world that we might want to emulate. It's a waste of superbeings! I'd watch no classic movie ever if the creators hadn't turned fabulous into an art. We know it's fake, they're not portraying crack addicts and drab sucks. 09-Dec-2019
It celebrates the act of divorce like it's a novelty few of us have experienced. Driver and Johanssen rip through an earsplitting script that offers little insight, poetry or pizzaz. The Gods and Goddesses come down to earth to portray us with little celestial beauty to trim the boredom. Laura Dern knows. 09-Dec-2019
Terminal Man (1974)
Adding a computer to a killer's brain was supposed to rehabilitate him. It was progressive. It had a prominent female doctor and a black magician's assistant.
Joan Hackett was an accomplished Sarah Paulson without the amount of accolades.
George Segal was dumbfounding, cringingly stamping the mediocrity evident in the poor treatment of a great story. 22-Nov-2019