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TV Posts Tagged as 'Wit Crack'
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American Horror Story: Red Tide (2021) 
Lily Rabe wrecked, little girl spooked, Paulson shred and daddy twinkled. The script focused on family, cohesion and consequences. It scared me. I'm either the mother, the bag lady or both. 19-Sep-2021
DOUBLE FEATURE. Finn Witrock returns to form, being candy you want to wrap. Macauley Culkin belongs. I was perturbed by Sarah Paulson's bagging. I don't want to see her like that. Mistress Conroy and mentor Peters orchestrated sumptuous personas. Lilly Rabe's support status (hardly there) hindered her from punching the end. It's haunted house shenanigans in a very weird town. It feels and moves like a classic episode that only conjures a memory. 29-Aug-2021
Below Deck: Mediterranean (2016-) 
Non-monogomay is the new slut. Those clever sluts! 07-Sep-2021
Bossy got proven lazy to encourage quality work. They couldn't fire her so the boss hired a maid for the stews. 16-Aug-2021
Punishing a black bossy crewmate by banishing her to a lower deck with steam. Don't they know what that does to her hair? Rich people piss in hot tubs. 09-Aug-2021
The water not only messes with her hair but her brain too. Black girl sank the boat with her lack of irreverence. Malia's transition from Deck Ratched to the Flying Nun is not convincing. "Like that nerd would ever have a chance." Hahaha. There's a proud wench stew onboard and I sort of like her. The bullied cook is going to serve the crew for dinner. The captain was nowhere in sight. Sealab reports were due. 19-Jul-2021
Charter lottery wedding and pet murderers. Black female employees trump weak authority on a boat. "Shut the fuck up, white bitch!" Chef is so Don Knotts. Jumps at anything. The girls made fun of how unattractive the male crew was on a lesbian chugger. It's a safety mechanism women employ to keep an environment sex-free. Except, cis women will fuck anything! Malia pretended to be human by letting an underling sexually fantasize about her. 05-Jul-2021
The ban on black people serving the privileged has ended. Is that a tail I see between Malia's legs? It didn't stop her from making her male subordinate feel like a stereotype. You could tell a lesbian hired the male staff. Arf. Captain Sandy reminded me that lesbians pour great wine but can't cook. What a riot. It was so much fun watching the lizard charter choke on human food. 22-Jun-2021
Ghost And Mrs. Muir, The (1968-1970) 
Groovy mom rents historical cottage on an ocean floor with her sex-interchanging children and a calendar maid. The ghost is a sea captain from long ago whose present proves him wrong except when it matters to the heart. Charles Nelson Reilly is an historical hoot as a rich landlord cowering from his ancient history in present circumstances as a fondness between ghost and family deepens. The ghost can go anywhere in town, never interrupts while you're pooping or masturbating, snoops on guests and has magical powers. Scruffy the dog had me snuggling, daddy had me romancing and mommy chilled me the fuck out. It smelled like Febreze. 04-Sep-2021
Mike White delivers an itchy script full of descriptive characters and awkward situations. The luscious atmosphere is reduced by human mania and overcompensation. Jennifer Coolidge cracked my funny bone, tore my heart and was masterclass as a woman acquiring power by being weak. Murray Bartlett played an outrageous gay asshole with ridiculous tendencies. Jake Lacy was pure alpha as a newlywed lord ruling over his petty wife. Molly Shannon whipped up a venomous mother-in-law from hell. Steven Zahn and John Gries gripped man sensibilities. Connie Britton and Alexandra Daddario convinced me. Natasha Rothwell spilled her heart and Jolene Purdy split my stitches. The teens were beautifully vacant, troubled, witty and intoxicating, just like vacations. 19-Aug-2021
Love Boat existed to keep old Hollywood cranking, practicing and competing. If you were a nice Hollywood legend and the people liked you, it warranted a return. The captain was a snob with a penchant for girl grabs, trans sex and unwarranted political views. Lauren Tewes was a drug inducer whose smile and social activities denied it. Ted Lange kept the drinks shaking and rhyming to romantic beats. Fred Grandy was aptly named Gopher as was Charo. All animals and children have a chance at "coochie coochie" on the high seas. Cruises are meant for cheating not confessing. Why ruin a good marriage over a fuck? Not recommended for children or parents across the world. Beauty is a factor, ugly gets laid, poor people smell, old women drink, gays pretend, extensions don't exist, cultures commiserate, men are pigs, sex is free, meat was eaten, everything is beautiful and all is forgiven. 06-Jul-2021
Below Deck: Sailing Yacht Reunion (2021)
Part 2. Whomever lit Alli created the illusion that she was sporting a golden nose. Poor Sydney, slowly melted into her environment. Everyone was celebrating the birth choices of women too irresponsible to avoid it. The women were lauded and supported while the giant was crushed. The world has a habit of labeling mothers great without them ever doing anything. This is the allowance an abusive mother uses to convince people that her terrorized children are fine because they're clean. We don't know her. Andy, just because you think you have the best nanny in the world doesn't mean you're an expert parent. Did you know that babysitters spit on your baby as often as restaurant staff does on your food? People with nannies aren't parents, they're providers. Women live on fairytale trips and sexual hangups. Women are allowed to make the same mistakes as men and be controlled by sexual desire. They used to call it whoredom. I say women are becoming men. Why are women berating each other for getting wet over a douche with great hair? Sabrina's aunty decided on a giant. Her mistake. She's an elder who should have known better. She destroyed a giant kid's life to embolden her own. She got what she wanted. Thank the fool for the sperm and move on. I hope you enjoy the attention. Good luck, mija. 23-Jun-2021
The ladies were so made up I had trouble identifying them. The captain is down for sexually unidentified relationships. Wink, wink. The crew agreed that Natasha was delicious but a liar. Colin is still a mystery. Sydney looked like she needed some drinks. Daisy looked like a plucked daisy. Alli is still reacting to everything Gary says. Gary defended his houndoggin' by blaming hormones and man shit. He rocked gorgeous hair and apologized profusely but the crew brought their ball slicers and left him writhing on the floor. It's better than what happened to the giant. He wasn't there but Samantha twitched and... his public hanging is tomorrow? (Hey dood, tell everyone you're gay.) 22-Jun-2021
It's asking a brat to enter the Marvel Universe and wreck it. It works. 02-Jun-2021
The characters were overloaded with ache, the crime mystery was one coil after another, the actors wrung the shit out of drama but the whole was too "by the book" to matter. I'm old, I've seen this shit before. 31-May-2021
S1E3. It's not a dead horse crime investigation like I thought. Lone cop is overwhelmed by the demands of her town, her family and friends. It takes a stranger to make her realize that she's more than a badge. Guy Pearce is her release and her guilt. A teen has disappeared while another has died. Per the Hollywood bible, actresses must downplay beauty and uplift macho toxicity in their stride to assimilate toughness. Kate Winslet is a savior of intelligence not might. Her macho is uncomfortable because it doesn't feel genuine. The ferocity of a female always shines through. Let it. Aren't lady heroes supposed to bring balance? There are all types of lady cops in the world but Hollywood keeps choosing the profile of a lesbian that is not a lesbian. Evan Peters is adorable. The teens are realistic in a snot nosed kind of way. Jean Smart is my Endora. 29-May-2021
Married At First Sight (2014-)
Reunion 2. Haley & Jacob. Captain Rio was de feathered because Shrek dragons are heralded as heroes and roosters are unforgivable if they can't bring their chicks to climax. Daddy needs to go oink. We love the 80s and sitting on floppy dicks. Brown Robin. Dude, are you flirting with me? (see pic above.) I accept. Erik. Daddy was punished for being fatherly towards his daughter and not accepting that a girl her age needs to socialize with other boys. Wink, wink. Shlumber Party! The experts. Why didn't the ladies sit together? Woke hug moments missed. Wow. Dr. Pepper looked at Dr. Viv without contempt. Chris became a legal dispute. "We didn't know he was a schmuck. We got fooled just like everybody else. What are we experts? Good God." The children closed the show with a request to the viewers to treat them like the semi-gods they came on TV to be not like celebrities from Hollywood. Play-acting is real.
(Next season: cats! Dr Viv and hats! I'm on it.) 26-May-2021
(Next season: cats! Dr Viv and hats! I'm on it.) 26-May-2021
Virginia & Erik. The big bad wolf, little red riding hood and grandma guts joined the reunion. Daddy was very proud of his little girl gushing googles and acting all Romper Room. If Virginia were a drunk she would remember something offputting about her buddies instead she feels closer to them after their slumber parties. Good cheap wine. Feminism cancelled "whoredom the thought" but not the feeling. Sorry, can't teach her anything. Pajama party on! Is that red cup mine? (I see drunk vaginal exams in her future.) Clara & Ryan. Ryan is still a "pussy" virgin. He'd rather marry her again than fuck her. Poor Starfire. Briana & Vincent. They were cute. Vincent got me when he laughed at the horse clip thinking about what I said. Looks like a pork roast is in daddy's future. The boss is gone. Chris & Paige. Everybody hates Chris and the show will do what's legally possible to humiliate him. 19-May-2021
Some contestants remained homeless. Dr. Pep stared at Dr. Viv with the same dread as a cat. There is no cure for bossy. 13-May-2021
Contract negotiations are up and the married strangers have to decide if the extra money is worth faking it for another year. Brown Robin & Hillbilly Starfire. I have no idea what he's saying and somebody needs to check her pilot light. Briana & Vincent. I knew he hated her. He wants a wife that will keep him company, light his stove and cook some delicious pork, not a congressional candidate. Why did she make him apologize for having a sexual preference but she couldn't return the courtesy for being bossy? Bossy is not attractive or empowering. They cancel people for that. See Leah Michelle. If he needs to change, she needs to change or some pork bitch is gonna steal him. Oops. He had his vengeance. He fucked up her hair! Haley & Jacob. The production offered her a lot of money and she is homeless. The dinner found them wanting to smirk, giggle and compare how much each received in contract negotiations. They couldn't even fake it. Virginia & Erik. The individuals were asked scripted questions by their very stiff friends except for Erik's daughter. Her sleepover pal (wink, wink) cowboy'd up, gave her a nod and asked "how much we gettin'?" Father is bossy too but children need enforcement so they don't grow up bossy. 29-Apr-2021
Virginia & Erik. Daddy was astounded that his cheating wife doesn't like surprises. The cats. Dude, speak to Doctor Viviana. She knows how to secretly get rid of cats. Briana & Vincent. Squish squirmed when his wife admitted to thieving. Did he marry a thug? The horse. Latin men think that if they fall off a horse, the horse will try to fuck them. Haley & Jacob. Haley didn't care that she and her partner knew all the game answers about each other, she was still punishing him for being a bad fuck. When daddy Rio drank from the trophy cup I wanted to bear Haley's burden. Oy. Brown Robin and Hillbilly Starfire made it to the retreat. The secret to a rotund butt is to eat lots of chips with dip and never stick your dick in a vagina. 15-Apr-2021
The season was a grab bag. Instances are not as easily remembered as moments. The Season finale was a cumulative effort of insanely funny moments. Weekend Update stands atop the heap for generating the most laughs. Everyone had a turn to belt one out and they scored. A complete audience energized the atmosphere. The skits were sharp, edgy and cruel. For one night they were allowed to be themselves and make fun of us. Yes, we need fixing. SNL allows us to laugh at life's most angriest parts on Saturday so we can face them on Monday morning. 24-May-2021
The only actors doing Wakandans right. 11-May-2021
Is it improper for me to say that I wish someone else would love Abishola? 31-Mar-2020
The leads do not align, Bob's family grates and reverse hate is not progressive. 08-Nov-2019
Exploring multi-cultural attitudes to life problems is interesting. The black characters sparkle but their counterparts appear like unwanted houseguests. I'm sure good writing can fix that. (I liked it.) 25-Sep-2019
90 Day Fiancee: Tell All (2021)
Pt.2. Tarik and Hazel. Why is everyone pretending Tarik doesn't want to fuck Minty? Dude, her name is Minty. Minty doesn't like women but she's pretending to so she can steal Hazel's green card. "Bitch, get your own chump!" Andrew and Amira. I'm surprised she can travel. She doesn't move much.
It ended abruptly and it was Natalie's turn. WTF?! 19-Apr-2021
It ended abruptly and it was Natalie's turn. WTF?! 19-Apr-2021
Pt.1. Yara & Jovi. Jovi likes strippers because they make him cum. Mike & Natalie. Natalie might qualify for "best supporting actress in a documentary" at next year's Academy Awards. Mike is a beastly leprechaun. He promises her his pot of gold then takes it back. The beast got shot projectiles for finding a unique way to explain cheating on Natalie. The prize for the humiliation is five years of extra fucks for him and a smelly closet, a freezing home, a pig, carrots and some company for her. I hope someone asks Natalie if she's a hardcore fan of Alison Argram who played Nellie Oleson on Little House... Brandon & Julia. Julia gave all the males woodies and squirms whilst describing her career, esp. Jovi and Brandon's dad. The Boy's mother almost choked from twitching closed her emotions. Rebecca & Zied. Tiffany's friend flirted with Zied and fucked Tiffany's husband. His guilt oozed right off the screen even though nobody accused him of anything. Zied didn't fuck Rebecca when she got naked in the hot tub because the lighting was off. Andrew & Amira. She couldn't breathe so she put a sexy bustier on to help the oxygen circulate. Andrew got his hair ironed for nothing. 13-Apr-2021
Dad, You're Embarrassing Me! (2021-) 
Dad encourages daughter by pervading her life. Jamie Foxx' craft rolls like dice. He can be brilliant when he is focused and parented but left on his own his goofball can turn insufferable. He's fit, old fashioned beyond his years, paints side characters with no cracks or chips and no revelry and allows tight jeans with a mighty bulge to outshine him. He never embarrasses his daughter like the title says. He kept the bulge intimate. It's not the 80s. They missed out on comedic reactions from anyone besides his daughter. Please. The support is ready to do something. Only good writing can give it to them. Foxx is embarrassing his daughter by not gifting her a better show. I don't recognize any souls in this family. 19-Apr-2021
Married At First Sight (2014-)
Virginia & Eric. Daddy tried to impress his daughter with his Snoopy skills. He was the Red Baron. She complained that he didn't spend enough time with her family. Daddy doesn't want to hang around people his age. It's nerve wracking. Briana & Vincent. Lucy plotted for Ricky to see her dance, he trained to ignore her. She fully acclaimed herself, he was full of boredom. She teased maternity and snapped his attention back but when she extended the expiration date he held back. "A dancer, my ass!" Clara & Ryan. He's failed every mental health wellness test I can think of. Of course he's willing to have relationships with her family. He doesn't have to fuck them either. He makes his vibrant wife "hand job" him every night because she is not worthy of full penetration. I want him and Chris to make a Fans Only video. I want to see Chris alligator fuck the shit out of Ryan's balloon clown ass. Haley & Jacob. My favorite bird (Rio) and princess (Lilly of The Valley) competed for alphadom. Jacob needs to bend over immediately because her strap is hard and he lost. Did daddy call himself an eagle and her a dragon? Like the one in Shrek? 15-Apr-2021
Chris explained to Pastor Cal that the reason he was explosive on the show is because they set him up with a grenade. I wished El Pastor would have utilized some of the cheap scenery and bashed him with it. The experts were so professional that it felt like they were reading my mind. Virginia and Erik. One of the disadvantages of being a daddy is you get to watch your little girl go on dates and come home plastered. Haley and Jacob. All I heard were inner screams during Haley's therapy session. "If he touches me again...I'll scream...I swear it!" Oooh maybe he's CIA. Clara and Ryan. Clara, don't beg for sex. Men who make their partners wait for sex usually suck at it. She needs to renew her contract and corral herself the tallest man of her dreams. Briana and Vincent. Ricky Ricardo schemed to get Lucy to agree to let him sleep late with his newly conceptualized financial budget. Lucy swallowed the budget like a seal eating fish. When Briana told Vincent that she was afraid to have children, all was still except for the profanities swirling in his head. Well-played ladies! 08-Apr-2021
The unmentionable couple. His voice makes me put a lock on my ass even though it splits her vagina. Go figure. Alligator dick is making her look like a stupid horny cheerleader. Ryan and Clara. Bottom boy doesn't know how to satisfy a woman. A horny hillbilly doesn't help. Experts need to set up "gay alerts" with butchy lesbians like the Australian version. (It wakes up identity at supreme velocity.) Jacob and Haley. Herman Munster and any strange white woman down the street. Haley needs to stop signing NDAs. Besides a two incher, a fast cummer or an accidental choker, I don't understand the dilemma. Did he confuse the meaning of cunnilingus? Did he make her lick his hairy ass? Did he not wipe? We wanna know. Erik and Virginia. There is no life for her without her drunk fuck buddies. They're lords of her ring. Old daddy showed "wife duly fuck" appreciation by taking her flying. Vincent and Briana. It feels like he's faking it. His insecurities can't solidify love. 24-Mar-2021
The show let the dogs out so Doctora Viviana could pet them. See, she likes animals, just not cats. There was a harrowing moment when Haley's adorable dog was seen judging Viviana but she caught him and gave him stink-eye. The dog magically disappeared. Haley and Jacob. Dude, she's been acting like this ever since you fucked her. There are two types of screams in the world and her aura ain't spelling delighted. 18-Mar-2021
Married With Children (1987-1997)
I never realized how much female input there was in scouring the marriage of an alpha fucker and our mothers. 15-Apr-2021
