TV Posts Tagged as 'Wit Crack'
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Succession (2018-2023) 


Sticks were lit. Just when I thought someone needed to slap Greg, he gets into a brawl. Baby prince stays hurt because his stick is not invincible, it didn't absolve him from violence. Kendall conjured many joyous and catastrophic emotions impressively. It's all about Shiv. Bound by family and inheritance but destined to never ascend the heights of her brothers' success and doomed to feel cheated. The only thing she can own, with no help from her dysfunctional family, is how she wants to live. Mattson was a prickly genius. Mother In Charge was defiant in her opinions and uttered her lines like they were Mr. Freeze popsicles. The best way to deal with family angst is to join it, beat it or annihilate it. The series dealt with all of it. Even, emotionally dead mother fuckers, can teach you that. 29-May-2023
Roman broke his stick. Daddy Prince sat and ate his stick. Shiv grew a different kind of stick. Greg towering over Mattson made my stick hard. The boredom and responsibility of a funeral was deftly created. Everyone was pondering death or trying to ignore it. Shiv is most like her father. 22-May-2023
Shiv is an accomplice to earth's destruction. The reds are absolutely wrong about everything but are our only salvation. A parent's misery festers like a ghost. It clings to others but is disabled by future reference. I want to shove a stick up Greg's ass and lick his face. I want to pay Shiv to shove anything up Tom's ass. I want to lick daddy's supreme balls as he describes how it feels like to eat a bacon cheeseburger. Mattson is a foot in our mouths. Connor is on the list of ok must fucks. I hope it strangles us in the end. 19-May-2023
I give a fuck! 19-Apr-2023
S3. Daddy Prince of Darkness battles Daddy Succession Supreme. Every "fuck" made me hard, every "you" made me cum. Daddies were exploding beautifully. Women sewed their own armor. Shiv is beloved, mother is a cunt, Geri is the family dog, Roman is a mutt, Tom is bewildering, Willa keeps up, Connor won't give up, Greg is a kitten and Mencken is a game. The fight would add up to very little if the top masters didn't emote so precisely. Daddy Succession bleeds every decision to keep his dynasty and children afloat. All he wants is respect. Daddy Prince is impatient about the future. He wants to be woke, now, when it matters. Daddy S knows better. Daddy P always gets what he wants because Daddy S spoiled him. There is a study of art that defines Daddy P because of his intensity but when he calms and speaks his pathetic truth, we want to fuck him, again. Yes, his pathetic is even hotter than his cocky. It's called parenting. The writers convey our thoughts instead of our speak because, in reality, we can't do so. But we would like to. We are not animals in cages. You cage the word and the animal comes out. Let it speak. The show spoke, delivered whoppers, kept to its guns and secured a successful season. 20-Dec-2021
Daddy suffering (Ken) hijacked it with an hilarious rap and alpha domination. I like to hear Shiv, I like to say Shiv, I love to watch Shiv. Holly Hunter (Rhea) is the clamped whisperer. When she nips it she doesn't let go. Tom shreds himself to death attempting to bare the soul of a character that rarely sees it. Culkin plays his character like he has no dick. Funny. Nobody messes with daddy. Writers that want to keep their jobs and a production that keeps on pushing it. It consummates on a boat big enough to fit two Below Decks in it. It was all about respect. 08-Aug-2020
The best corporate fuckers on TV. 06-Aug-2020
A malted shake with only whipped cream. That's a lot of protein. 24-Jul-2020
S1E3 found daughters giving handjobs, alphas verifying status on staircases and daddies snapping their tongues. I am no longer floating, my feet are firmly planted. 18-Oct-2019
Exposing how the family dynamic exploit each other for success. The sticks have returned:
Brian Cox - daddy doesn't need a stick
Nicholas Braun (Greg) - he'll carry anyone's stick
Alan Ruck (Connor Roy) - he licks them
Kieran Culkin (Roman Roy) - he shoves them up his nose
J Smith-Cameron - she's not carrying anyone's stick
Jeremy Strong (Kendall Roy) - alpha in the making swings his own. 18-Oct-2019
Love Is Blind (2020)

Reunion. Kwame was looking real fine tethered to his million dollar mink. Was the derogatory remark Marshall used on Jackie, "trans?" How lgbtq of him. Prop Bro You changed his looks but kept Joe's drawl. The gorgeous mad mane was replaced by chemicals that flattened their splendor. He squished a bigger body and he gained an intellectual's beard. He's either hiding his identity, ready to disappear or he's playing Joe's stuntman for the final season of You. Original Joe decided to channel Cuban Pete. All he needed was a sombrero and a set of bongos between his legs. I never realized how much insignificance he applies to the person that couldn't be ladylike. I wanted to be an earplug stuck on a couch listening to the Yous whispering:
OrgU: I'm losing it brother
ProBroU: Cool it! Remember we have cages out there! Remember? (he talks low, droney and faster than it sounds)
OrgU: She's giving me anxiety. I Can't breathe. (can't breathe) Slap!!!
Zack played a tune whose every other word was you. That's hilarious!
The king makes a cameo to show the world that he can create. 17-Apr-2023
Poor Kwame. Not for long. Hookers still exist and there is hope. Original You was a pretty creep. Super tight curls? Eh! Seems like they're hiding something. His pattern of speaking changed after the booth. He couldn't retain a lower, crisper register. I remembered because it shows up for the wedding but not for anything else. His voice is much squeakier. Did they really play serial killer music during Prop Bro's wedding decision? Friday the 13th type? Was that a heartbeat effect? Did she really call him You? Original You lives outside his head while Prop Bro You carries it like a burden. Original was modeled angelic and the other boob would be attractive if they soaped up more. Don't touch the hair, though, unless he's got unnatural stuff coming out of it. Prop has to act quickly and Original lets it build. Original is in the third stage of his assignment and Prop is one step ahead of him. Original has planted his seed but not gained ownership. 14-Apr-2023
S4E11. Prop Bro You hates strippers, especially unattractive ones. He usually eats them for lunch. When he was in the pool with Bliss he looked like he was imagining what parts of her he would fry first. If he were a serial killer that is. Chelsea kept acting the part even as a hairdresser burnt her hair. She's psychic too, like that pretty terrifying celebrity twink. She immediately pegged Kwame's sister because she was the only black woman to enter the bridal suite. 08-Apr-2023
S4E10. Somebody is a virgin because they haven't found a satisfying top. Prop Bros #3 tried to convince his fiancee's father to approve of him but he kept smiling like Joker and talking like You. Kwame found a way to excuse his fiancee's future disappointment. His mother. Jackelina is free to get fucked hard whilst Marshalll keeps looking the word up. 08-Apr-2023
S4E9. That lady Chelsea thinks that relationships are about being serviced. Kwame needs to fastball her. Marshall is petrified of vagina. Pretty eyes can't fuck. Jackelina, run! Zach is still property managing his You charisma. TG Bliss is desperate. If a man doesn't want to engage a partner in sex it's because he has an STD or doesn't have a knack for it. Dump. 07-Apr-2023
Original You's future father-in-law pegged him as a really nice guy or a serial killer. You slaughtered all of Micah's friends' vaginas in one swipe. That lady put a damper in the sportsman's itinerary of happiness by clamping down on a future litter. A contestant that was not mentally profiled accused her fiancee of not being man enough. She doesn't want attention, affection or walkouts. She wants to get banged hard. Cue sensitive fucking and mild spit. 01-Apr-2023
The women came to vamp and conquer men that will never satisfy them but hopefully, will keep them barefoot and pregnant with a ring on it. The feminist plan is to train men to lie about everything so the women can feel loved and acknowledged. A man will say anything to a woman for a steady prospective orgasm. It means less outside hookups, more money and lots of family time. The women turned the dating show into The Hunger Games because they hate other women. Hearing women fangirling to idiot things men make up, is disconcerting. The banter appeared read off a corny romance novel or movie, they memorized. When you swoon at bad singing you will regret it. Their were 2 Joes from You. One of them looked like an impassioned third Property Brother. The women that connived for them are not amused. Dude, Prop Bro is the hottest man there. It's okay. The contestants have realized that the purpose of the show is to get married and bear fucking children from all that they desire so they too can make regrettable choices in life. 15-Feb-2023
Face of Evil (1996)

Tracey Gold scrubbed her good girl identity to become a misunderstood feminist. The character runs away: from home, relationships and deep connections. Gold is a wild kitty playing life like a board game that she controls. Her forgiveness is theft and death. She assumes the identity of a kill to exit town but is tornado'd into becoming her. Shawnee Smith stirred instant empathy by being introverted, persevering, cute, desperate and clumsy. The girls become roommates, make connections, enjoy each other's company as we get to observe them. Mary Lambert directs with minute blood spills and no blows. How does evil get written on your face? She tries to explain that. Shawnee's father was a daddy wet dream for everybody except for the bitch waking him up. Perry King was carved with Kryptonian essence. His Highlander was superb but the tits and gorgeous craggly face were better. Lambert directs an intellectual showdown, the fight was fun TV Trash and Ms. Gold channelled Elizabeth Montgomery to eerie perfection. 11-Apr-2023
Night Agent, The (2023-)

The lead clicks likability instantaneously, precipitating the enjoyment of the series' machinations. The Vice President's daughter is a messy princess who thinks she's cool but is treated like a boob. The carry-on luggage is at the center. She stays where you put her, she can defend herself, she will succeed if she listens to everything he says and she does all the thinking. The boss from hell was transmitting from another planet. The class of spy thriller it was trying to emulate crumbles towards the end. The soap opera lacked cum juice, TV vs Film manifestations plundered and the agent guarding her bff needed to do push ups and lighten up. To avoid looking stiff, use only what's on your face. 06-Apr-2023
Outlast (2022-)

It's Dr. Kevorkian Island for survivalists. 16-Mar-2023
I have to applaud Netflix for providing a reality show that delayed my sleeping pill by an hour and a half because I was pissed and self punishing. Every Jesus that stepped up to compete with the psychotic nation, were cancelled. It's not like real life but it is. People that cheat (at awards, merit, talent, money, sex, love, representation and telling the truth) with expectations of fair-play, doom us. Their stories are only fake to people that avoid it, it's life to everybody else. 16-Mar-2023
S1E5. The challenges are brutal, there are no individuals to root for, some of the women in charge are vindictive shit stirrers and I can't stop watching. What is the point of having women on our team if they're going to be heartless? Where's the balance? Takeover is not equality. It's that thing that happened at the White House with the white people. 15-Mar-2023
You (2018-) 

It gassed up, almost made it out of the parking lot, but got blindsided by a food truck. What is the commonality between the women Joe obsesses over? They are very different. At least now he can afford to buy more cages. 12-Mar-2023
S3E9. The dork talks to dead people, now? It's a lazy writing gimmick. Who's bankrolling the fancy cages? Why is the entrance to the cage not padlocked? How do people shit in that cage? Shouldn't they, at least, be wearing diapers? Why do all movie assholes like to be tied up? Greg Kinnear seems to be the only one that understood the assignment. 12-Mar-2023
I heard it gets better but the 2 new episodes I watched seemed like they ran out of gas at the CW parking lot. 12-Mar-2023
It's indifferent to the story. Joe is surrounded by people that are too cliche to make fun of. He is being uncharacteristic, it made me forget what his fetish is and he has no equal match. 19-Feb-2023
Psycho settles into suburban madness. The psychology is rewritten to fit a desperate suburbanite. Pretension is the clarification of ascension. Psychos don't have bouts of good feelings. If they do it's the reason they're killing. Silence as I listened to Penn Badgley make me laugh, hurl and cum. Respect to Victoria Pedretti's restraint as a frustrated woman. Shalita Grant filled her empty cup. Travis Van Winkle enshrined it. Dylan Arnold needed more daddy laps. Tati Gabrielle was feathery. Daddy Speedman needed Dylan Arnold to sit on his lap. The whole was to make a monkey out of me. I love that shit! 02-Nov-2021
Leave it to California ("the Hellmouth") to turn a serial into a romantic victim. The pyschology was bi-polar and the disentanglements were happenstance and charred. I'm not excited to see a third season. 31-Dec-2019
The thrill of the cum trampled by a kick in the balls. The delicacies of love entrenched by intrinsic mind bending. Badgley steals the crown structuring the depth of his humanity and indignation. 20-Apr-2019
Call Me Kat (2021-) 


Stay just as you are. 12-Mar-2023
The passing of the great Jordan made me realize how the show has become a family staple. The alcoholic neighborhood bar where all inhibitions are lost, pretension is the love potion to making friends, sex is candied and sticky, cordial and silly are memories and its best intention is not to hate cats. Bialik channeled Blossom and it worked. I never thought I'd see her again. Good. Papi Jack nailed himself to the wall so I could behold his back spread. It might not be the biggest anymore but it sure looks tasty. Julian Gant. I'm going to start at the top of his head and work my way down. 09-Dec-2022
Papi Jackson accepted my offer and renamed his brand Waffle Man and I went to the supermarket and bought all of Aunt Jemima's syrup. Kat hates cats! How abominably delicious. Yeah! 11-May-2022
They need to stop exploiting cats and explore the biggest vagina on the gay planet. Dorks are out, whores are in. Cat ladies are delusional. 02-Apr-2022
You know what? Kat is growing on me. She hasn't released her Big Bang rigidity but busting out some Blossom on shrooms sort of moves would make the character a classic. Miranda couldn't give a fuck and neither should Kat. Good luck! 27-Mar-2021
Mayim Bialik presumes she's as adorable as her childhood character, Blossom. She's not. The support represents everything that she has publicly denounced so it's uncomfortable watching them glorify her when she'd rather talk to the camera than interact with them. Leslie Jordan deserves better, Swoozie Kurtz might as well retire and Cheyenne Jackson has swallowed way too many dicks to be considered a straight romantic lead. 23-Jan-2021
Love Is Blind (2020)

The thigh king made a slight return and nobody thought to make the reunion a pool party. The eye king also made a return to apologize to his foreign partner for being wildly attractive. Trust no man who proposes a second time like you didn't hear him the first. A girl with no mothering capabilities surmised that her children will be small because her husband's dick is. Brennon's game is not wholesome. 15-Feb-2023
No one recognized that Bartiste is the thigh king. I know daddy looked like Pebbles Flintstone but to me he was a Bam Bam Rubble. I wanted to pull it and give him a back bath. Cole showed off his thighs too. As if. The females called Cole a good guy then tore him apart in the description." "You fat shaming hoochie fucking dirty ass broke lying motherfucker evil spawn of satan with dreamy eyes." The women were so supportive of each other that they made Cole cry. Putting Vicks on the tips of his fingertips and rubbing his eyes worked. Colleen was petrified to look Cole's way. She did it in the intro and ticked uncontrollably away. She saw those eyes. Yikes. I think she might have wet herself again. If she did that means that she suffered the whole hour without a diaper change due to the lack of commercials. Guess who's available to fuck somebody's wife? Dude, she lives alone! 09-Nov-2022
The show wastes the contestants and their guests' time by planning a fake wedding in the hopes of both parties saying yes? How humiliating. Nick's idea, wasn't it. 08-Nov-2022
S3E8. Would the thigh king agree to abort a future serial killer? No one should have the audacity to bear humans that can't exist without immense help. A lot of these kids can't communicate how they feel. We interpret how they feel. How do we know they're not saying, "I hate you, I hate you". Where's daddy? Is he working his thighs again while I suffer in pain? Yo, barbecue pork is giving the king a run for his money. What a beautiful fuck roast. Bartiste can shed some hair on Andrew's cloud puffs. Brennan looks like that but can't make any money? Ooh. Colleen was not at the club 'til 2:30 in the morning, she was washing her panties. They take forever to dry. They got wet from all the attention Cole was giving her. Both Matt and Cole were more argumentative with their fiancees than they were with each other. Their confrontation was bullshit. Matt really said, "please, I'm begging you, don't fuck my wife" and Cole said, "I won't" but thinking, "I'm gonna fuck your wife". Raven is going to regret taking an Ambien. She's gonna be woozy afterwards. Raven should have paired herself with the other thigh master if she wanted to live comfortably. We know he's a super daddy because he continuously spit it in everyone's face. Fuck other people on the side and go shopping. 06-Nov-2022
S3E7. You must become blind if you want to find love. Bartiste has cheating pork thighs, Cole has fuck all the girls silly eyes, Matt has kick your ass for being a slut ticks, Brennan's eyes turn black when nobody is looking and SK is an Ambien pill (30 minutes in your system before it knocks you out). It's about immature women that read fairy tales as children and believe them. For men, it's a "How To Pick Up Vulnerable Chicks" guide. Lie, lie, lie. 06-Nov-2022
Heartbreak High (2022)

Varnished and re-imagined high school where everything gay is constantly celebrated and everything questionable is consoled. The younglings are obsessed with sex. They think that clutching their sexual identity helps them improve as people. It doesn't. It makes them egoistic and addicted. Darren dresses up as a french female prostitute because it enables his gayness to fly free. He's just a cunt who lashes out at his father for no reason and has disregard for what's really causing his misery, himself. Hooray for Cash for not wanting a free seat on the sexual compulsive train. Amerie is the main trainwreck looking for love where sex keeps appearing. Harper is the selfish beauty that treats her sexual tribulations and her friendships with more sex. Dusty's beauty defines him. Spencer is the only boy speaking a man's truth and getting punished for it. Malakai declares he's black. His black is lighter than mine and he has straight hair. I'm either Jamaican or maybe my mother is right and I'm white. He's cute though. In lesbian couples there is always one that is level headed and another who suffers from mental maladies. The principal reminds me of Karen Black after the African doll possessed her. Sex ed is a punishment for youths who already practice it more than the adults teach it. The pleasure of teenage suffering. 31-Jan-2023
Winter House (2021-)

S2E3. Luke is banished for having sexual thoughts about a girl that mentally promised him a blowjob. Women are warriors and baby factories, not sexual beings. That's what the LGBTQ community is for. Paige allows her lover to go bonkers because he would dump her for being a disobedient slut. Dumping the asshole would be female empowerment. Oooh, Kyle has love handles. He's squishy. Yum. I bet both sides taste like butterscotch. Kory is looking for a relationship that will adorn him in pearls. I know of a few straight men that can pretend to be his uncle. 13-Jan-2023
Love Island Australia (2018-)

S4E26. Jake Gyllenhall Superman with a dorky accent. Country Quasimodo is punished for allowing girls to use him in a non-sexual manner. Samson who hates Delilah actually thinks he's got his sexuality down pat. Hawaiian Punch hasn't been opened yet, his teeth aren't yellow. Why talk about girls when Callum is the only thing worth eating. 05-Jan-2023
I missed the UK version so much that I resorted to this backup. This is a different animal, full of seriousness and ferocity.
The men are cave dwellers and the women, the suppliers that keep toxic men conquering.
If all a woman wants is bigness, handsomeness, grunting and darkness you are forsaking the feminist dream.
The brutality of what each sex stands for baffles me. 29-Jun-2020
White Lotus, The (2021) 

I didn't know Coolidge had more acting tricks up her sleeve. The lady was hiding a cowgirl and the funniest stunt woman, ever. The jump was everything. Will Sharpe expressed himself beautifully and he showed some thigh. Aubrey Plaza remained steady and to the back. Fahey and James remained fake versions of themselves and didn't express anything besides animal instinct. It was shocking, on point and masterclass. 12-Dec-2022
My favorite Wednesday Addams, of all time, is Aubrey Plaza. She became a bitch when her mother, Morticia, started boiling everything and aunt Lester lost her hair. Theo James is a fuck kill. Coolidge is being treated like a goddess by the gays and I hope she lets them have it. Hale Lu Richardson is Florence Pugh's Eve. Will Sharpe has to explain himself or show more thigh. Fahey is a rain of artificial sunlight. Michael Imperioli and F. Murray Abraham play a perfect father and son team that identify but don't accept that one begat the other. They fear their beautiful youngling will inherit their sad fate. The bigger you lie, the better the marriage but by then, the soul is gone. Female sexual harassment in the workplace, men expressing the difficulty in containing themselves, the sexes exploiting that, intelligent words coming out of fine actors and a director that provides the vision he describes. 30-Nov-2022
Mike White delivers an itchy script full of descriptive characters and awkward situations. The luscious atmosphere is reduced by human mania and overcompensation. Jennifer Coolidge cracked my funny bone, tore my heart and was masterclass as a woman acquiring power by being weak. Murray Bartlett played an outrageous gay asshole with ridiculous tendencies. Jake Lacy was pure alpha as a newlywed lord ruling over his petty wife. Molly Shannon whipped up a venomous mother-in-law from hell. Steven Zahn and John Gries gripped man sensibilities. Connie Britton and Alexandra Daddario convinced me. Natasha Rothwell spilled her heart and Jolene Purdy split my stitches. The teens were beautifully vacant, troubled, witty and intoxicating, just like vacations. 19-Aug-2021
Love Never Lies (2021-) 

MENTIRA! 12-Dec-2022
S2E5. Pretty Jesus was punished for finding a tighter pussy than his partner. Partner was blindsided with pretty short dick distractions. Backsies. Guess who has to give up what? Bitch! That is a twice in a ifetime, unless you're a pervert, but still. 10-Dec-2022
S2E4. The producers segregated the relationships from their would be or were one night stands. The other half got a preview of Casa de Fuck through a taste test. A blindfolded gay was relieved to feel a man instead of a boy. He only tastes like a boy, we think he's a girl. Poor thing. They found a chick that would allow pretty Jesus to come instantaneously inside of. A lesbian had to watch as her man hating partner was fooled into admitting to a football team of straight fucks. They set up the short guy with a woman willing to trade size for half a crucifixion. The bizarro stud with the Clark Kent glasses is getting turned on by his wife's infidelities. 09-Dec-2022
S2E3. The hostess with the mostest is still most. The new climate soars like desperation for attention and a warning that fairy tale relationships are doomed. A gay partner appeared to pretend that he didn't know that gays "prioritize" cheating in their relationships. He was just mad because they brought him a girly boy but his lover, a man. A breath taker with astounding legs is trying to turn a lesbian into an everything bagel. A couple is hooking up with another couple's partner. Double the doom. A cheated upon wailed like an animal. I've never heard that sound before. Pretty Jesus is consistently crucified by the women in his life. His wife had choices and his one night stand couldn't stand him. Short cis men are the most insecure because giants are on every woman's shopping list. The only thing stopping a partner from cheating is a lack of mutual sexual attraction and nothing more. 07-Dec-2022
AHS: NYC (2022)

It stayed true to tradition and didn't end with a bang because they yucked it up with mumbo jumbo. Ryan and Co. are gone, lets' show them what we can do. Everything except reigning it in. Add a little magic over here, irony over there and a preach or two around the corner. Charlie Carver's observations as a writer allowed him to present real gay dilemmas. That's a great contribution. The ladies brought depth, strength and full watt. The Brian De Palma glow, was class. Art shouldn't have to explain itself, though. It just is. 04-Dec-2022
Ryan & Co. serve enough gay meat to feed a Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The stories intertwine nicely. Gay is not what it's cracked up to be. We live life waiting for our perversions to be rewarded. It never happens. I have to disagree with the politically correct's hate towards cops. In my day there were good cops and bad cops, like Jedis. A lot of the time, the good cop was gay. I am thankful for that. You almost want to look away every time that smart begins a story because a shitty end awaits it. Russell Tovey peaks our interest with egg-shaped ears, ass encapsulation and making it overwhelmingly and illegitimately hard to listen to a foreign accent without cumming. Zachary Quinto is wolfy and orgasmic. Charlie Carver epitomizes an innocent victim. Joe Mantello is the kind of daddy you want to breathe a moment of life into. Isaac Cole Powell is a body you can only dream about. I know they are going to fuck it up but I'm going to relax and enjoy the ride. 25-Oct-2022
Inside Man (2022)

How a good person can be lead to kill. Stanley Tucci is elegant and perceptive as a death row inmate who helps investigate and solve crime. Atkins Estimond supplies "Watson" cuddliness. David Tennant spirals like a rabid dog. The wife is a frantic lunatic and the tutor is the "Karen" that's asking for it. It flourished in the beginning when we were blinded by its freshness but once we analyzed the idiocy of it all, it didn't make much sense. The deductions are grabbed from thin air, some of the reactions are not reasonable and by the end I was irked. Why didn't they just burn the stupid thing? Why did the pervert have to be mentally challenged? All of my perverts had normal capabilities and didn't freak people out. Why are perverts granted mercy but "Karens" are unforgivable? Who gives their perverted porn to a vicar? Your mama don't want it in the house, smash it to smithereens. Yes, anyone can become a killer but many others don't. They are called good dead people. 05-Nov-2022