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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Action Stomper'
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Starlet is knocked up by a Mexican bullfighter that she drunkenly married one day and literally died the next. Her career is on the upswing. Her next film is entitled "The White Virgin Of The Nile." With no recourse she turns to her childhood buddy and hometown slub to babysit her babies after secretly giving birth and whilst she makes the film. Jerry Lewis' exasperating talent is at half mast. When he lets loose we cringe, when he sings and curls his lip we bite ours. He won't let comedy be. He needs to smash it with babyface spasms and off-color perversity. He doesn't matter one bit. It's a beautiful film to observe. The music is light, the story is sweet and life was simple. Marilyn Maxwell exemplifies the Hollywood Goddesses of her time and the clothes accentuated her power. Connie Stevens was purity enchantment. It's a piece of candy I didn't want but I tried it and couldn't stop eating or talking about it. 20-Dec-2020
Christmas Chronicles, The (2018) 
Christmas is the last time of the year when kids can be selfish. Kurt Russell makes it comfortable to sit on his lap and play with his hair. Help him blow things up and play with his hair. Accidentally (wink, wink) give him a hard-on and play with his hair. Smash on the hard-on and play with his hair. The kids are at an adorable stage, the violence is happy and Christmas got a shot in the arm. 05-Dec-2020
It mindfucks from the beginning. It's told out of sequence and it has something to do with a gay rock that grants the grabber wishes. Unfortunately, the wishes make you see the ridiculousness in them as they come to fruition. The effects are genuinely gross and creative, the kids exceed expectations, the film is hilarious and that guy from Two and Half Men is in it and he doesn't grate. I had so much fun. 04-Dec-2020
Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight (2020) 
Parents send their tech dependent children to nature camp to enforce the value of social interaction and gain survival skills. The bootcamp is a military wasteland. It splits them into teams and focuses on hikes, challenges and camaraderie to allow them to use the tech in their brains. You can also make friends. Good ensemble pulls you in as the movie keeps taking them out. It starts to hurt a little. The threat is a mess. We like our deformed bubblies with masks on and butch gear. It's yuck and impossible to look at. The pimply hillbilly troll backstory didn't help. It was preposterous. I withstood the gore and porn violence because of the cast, the kids, the representation, the dialogue, the awkwardness, the scared lesbian, the sexual limitations of tech sex, following natural reaction protocol and because they are us. The beast is in desperate need of a glam attack. It needs Jason's virility, Michael Myers' stamina and Freddy's humor and waist. It prepares us for death by tingling other parts of our body. Ick. 02-Dec-2020
Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) 
Surprise. Eliminating Hank Azaria as Gargamel does not make a Smurf franchise better. Besides being objectified, gangbanged and being a procreator, Smurfette is confused about her purpose. She goes on an unenviable adventure to find herself amid little care from the audience. The best stories do not have big bang adventures. They stay close to home so we can empathize with them. Girl Smurf explores and becomes at Lesbian Forest but returns to Smurf Village for the bangs. Sounds about right. 09-Nov-2020
Morticia was lacking the sultriness Gomez used to devour. Gomez was lacking the passion he exhibited at the most ludicrous and divine things. Wednesday could have used a little less rich girl in her voice and a lot more bitch. Uncle Fester was destroyed. Bette Midler was the only one of the group to have seen more than one episode of the tv series and gave Grandmama her unique flair. The family is constantly trying to kill or destroy each other, ad nauseam. Somebody missed the point of The Addams Family and what they constituted. They were us fighting for our place in the world from the imagination of a mad man. The writers need to apologize to the artists for making them create the angriest animated film ever. Dude, that's coming from me. 01-Oct-2020
Liberal climate changers go on a bloody hunt for hillbilly bloggers. The politics are appalling, the cameos are uplifting and the action is hilariously glorious. Betty Gilpin is the wrong southern bitch to mess with. The actress maintains her anger, her snit and her kickassery. The villain kicks it with the same ferocity for the ultimate fight.
(The hair replacements were termination worthy.) 26-Sep-2020
(The hair replacements were termination worthy.) 26-Sep-2020
Even after siphoning pleasure from the first two I was hesitant to invest in a third. I expected more ugly pup murder vengeance but it was one of the best video games I ever played. Angelica Huston was unrecognizable but still biting. Halle Berry finally delivered dog munching kickass. The horses, the cycles, the players, the stunts, the work. It was exhilarating. It's creation negates all improbability. Daddy cool K represents our aggressions and their release. Flush. 17-Aug-2020
As I drowned in amazement the thought of giving Pinocchio this treatment became intriguing...and then it was.
Alita is the child built from dreams of regret, facing a life with limited power in the casings of a girl. She is constantly hounded for parts, in competition, fluttering, fighting and tasting what a child's life has to offer. She'd rather be a woman.
Christoph Waltz is his own animation. His Gepetto flourishes with worry and celebration. Alita's need to grow up is his dissatisfaction and his burden. The doctor brandishes enormous tools protecting a future creation that matters too much.
Creative ideas constantly bounce, widening the eye and accepting the beauty of art.
The pandemic should determine if this is how future movies will look.
02-Aug-2020
Alita is the child built from dreams of regret, facing a life with limited power in the casings of a girl. She is constantly hounded for parts, in competition, fluttering, fighting and tasting what a child's life has to offer. She'd rather be a woman.
Christoph Waltz is his own animation. His Gepetto flourishes with worry and celebration. Alita's need to grow up is his dissatisfaction and his burden. The doctor brandishes enormous tools protecting a future creation that matters too much.
Creative ideas constantly bounce, widening the eye and accepting the beauty of art.
The pandemic should determine if this is how future movies will look.
02-Aug-2020
The cliches interrupt the strength of the message but papa courageous and mama savage add to the cerebral beauty of chaos. 10-Jul-2020
Alexandre Aja is not a wordmeister. His muscles pop when monster creation plows in, the action roars and we jump. (The flashbacks killed the element of surprise.) 03-Jul-2020
Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019)
Star Wars is one of the most challenging series to keep alive. Each post iteration appearing shiny and new with ardent fandom, bounteous clamor and no history or relevance to match any of the original three. They are only embers of the force.
JJ dropped the soap. Politics clenched the dynamic and criticism quelled his enthusiasm. He did not lend his panoramic to anything past what we would see in a video game.
It spent too much time preaching the force and little time explaining anything else.
Kylo Ren worked better with his mask on. (He was more intimidating.)
Zori Bliss would have worked better with her mask off.
Lando and the phantasms of veteran greats brought the force but the new power was missing a united purpose that would compel them to overcome the awkwardness. You can't expect much from an actor whose belly is full.
Everything old as new is delight, everything new and unthought of is bah...everything new and shiny, rusts. 20-Jun-2020
JJ dropped the soap. Politics clenched the dynamic and criticism quelled his enthusiasm. He did not lend his panoramic to anything past what we would see in a video game.
It spent too much time preaching the force and little time explaining anything else.
Kylo Ren worked better with his mask on. (He was more intimidating.)
Zori Bliss would have worked better with her mask off.
Lando and the phantasms of veteran greats brought the force but the new power was missing a united purpose that would compel them to overcome the awkwardness. You can't expect much from an actor whose belly is full.
Everything old as new is delight, everything new and unthought of is bah...everything new and shiny, rusts. 20-Jun-2020
Powerpuff Girls Movie, The (2002)
Epic girl power. 12-Jun-2020
The toys still wonder, crack smiles and grant blessings of a childhood institution from a very long time ago. The adventures became more human, the suffering became internalized, everybody grew up and moved on. Bittersweet. 12-Jun-2020
Robbie is missing the lilt and the energy that would whip Harley Quinn into a showpiece. The women in charge plaster the screen with cartoon abandon, avoid psychoanalyzing themselves and express no vulnerability that would compel a unique perspective. The film lacks a heart. It's like a man directed it. 13-Jun-2020
