All Posts Tagged as 'Timid'
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United States Vs. Billie Holiday (2021)

Men of the United States vs. a gifted opinion. She may have been a vampire but all the men sucked her dry. We cancelled her and she died. Who's fault is that? Andra Day. Her hard work is on the floor. She never reached druggy nirvana because she kept her light on even as things got darker. Pitch perfect on voice and beauty. The real legend was nasty and obtrusive. More of that. Trevante Rhodes is a cum daddy. I can cum by the thought of him. Tone Bell came and realized the fantasy but Rhodes went and smashed it with inhuman muscular sex. Rob Morgan is the guy with the 18 1/2" just older. Yum. Lee Daniels does not fuss too much. He wants to tell a clean story. When he imagines a woman's sensuality through the eyes of a victimized child, it is golden but when he doesn't subjugate us with it, the passion is lost. It would have been diamond had he folded with consummation. He couldn't give in to that. (We can take it daddy.) He kept the politics low and gave the legend the last laugh. That's cool. 27-Feb-2021
Kenan (2021-)

Daddy Hamburger w/Cheese, Bacon and no Mayo looks unhappy around kids. 20-Feb-2021
If anyone deserves a series is Kenan. I'm not sure if this is the right fit or it needs time to evolve. I cheer for Kenan and his cute daughters but I sometimes regret what comes out of their mouths. Kenan is courageous, he found a quick witted way to criticize Beyonce's weight and not be offensive. The daughters' are privy to grown-up naughty stuff which is off-putting. Is that a new generation thing? Yuck. There is a war between nastiness and wholesomeness. I hope nasty wins. 20-Feb-2021
Pete's Dragon (2016)

This is the the corny one but not to death. Elliot is a majestic dragon with fur and radioactive green. It still acts like a dog but it's butchy. Slave boy becomes orphan boy after wandering off into the forest post a fatal family crash. He is adopted by Elliott, becomes Tarzan boy, lives with animals, lives like animals and acquires 6 years knowledge of the English language by reading the same baby book over and over. No. The dragon doesn't talk. He whimpers. I frown on animals talking but dragons don't exist so it's okay for them to talk when we need shit explained. Redford was enervating, Howard was luminous and Fegly imagined. Sweet and magical moments stand out. 16-Feb-2021
Cinderella (1997)

The tale of Cinderella no longer elevates the fantastic script of the virginity slut. It doesn't help minorities either. Brandy makes me question the braids. When does she find the time? They looked expensive. Did she go to a salon? Should Cinderella go anywhere? The music was of a different time whose rhythm few could understand. If all magic things disappear at midnight why didn't the shoe? Brandy faltered musically and charmingly. Why did she need to beg for her food? The songs were not rhythmic or outstanding. The musicality was Romper Room. The cast was spotting, representing and giving 100% but their identities kept them apart. Whitney was the special effect that never extinguished but she wasn't in it enough. Jason Alexander sucked. 13-Feb-2021
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999)

I went retro and revisited some films that weren't to my liking. If it weren't for Lucas magic this film would be one of the worst. The child. Poor thing. No training, no soul. I would have skipped to the Superboy years one second after the awesome pod race. Liam Neeson didn't seem taken by the force. The words meant nothing to him. It was a job. MacGregor's head moved stiffly and he looked like he cracked up before and after many line readings. Jar Jar Binks was created by party people with no exceeding limits. I watched him drunk and still found him annoying. Natalie Portman must have looked blankly at countless fake CGI things because she applied it to humans as well. The voice she inflected was cockamamie and infectious. Yoda isn't as cute as The Child. At all. Blathering old idiot. Robes don't flow in saber fights and future love relations are not impactful if one babysat the other. The director worked beyond the force. The fans publicly cheered while quietly sighing. Darth Maul was a pocket. It makes a good game but not a good film. 02-Feb-2021
Victim of Beauty (1991)

Beauty contestant provokes the kidnapping of her baby sister. Sheriff is in town gunning to bring the monster to justice. He fails as many times as he provokes. Jeri Ryan embodied that special something that makes us scream "how can so many awful things happen to this dear child?" Because it's all true! There are surprises and plotholes but mostly there's Devane's gorgeous ape face and a goddess in disguise (Ryan) burning rubber. The crime investigation sucked. 31-Jan-2021
Fate: The Winx Saga (2021-)

It cared more about the legacy of melodrama than it did about the dynasty of magic. Likable girls, top-notch bi-color twinks, the doctor from Nurse Jackie caused a ruckus and the gay guy from Downton Abbey played a rugged soldier with a tenderness for twinks. The premise was perfectly set but the crux was missing. Why does fire kill the Burned Ones? Did my RPG brain malfunction? The only way fire can beat fire is if someone drains it. More magic, please. 30-Jan-2021
Mulan (2020)

It's so hellbent on announcing what it is before it becomes that it fails. 29-Jan-2021
Death Of Me (2020)

A depiction of travel peril and the miscalculation of island culture and folklore. Liam is a ketchup bottle that Maggie Q knows how to squeeze. Their bond keeps the film alive until the mumbo jumbo takes over. 25-Jan-2021
Hamilton (2020) 

Was Hamilton aware he was great? This is the fine food you throw up when you overindulge and never want to eat again. I spent most of the time being old and looking at crotches. I actually caught a few silhouettes. Whatever planet I'm from, please beam me up. I really wanted to like it. 22-Jan-2021
King Of Staten Island, The (2020)

Can you be the King of Staten Island if you hate it? Davidson has the balls and the bite but the creators cowered. They didn't want Staten Island to hate them so they fluffed up the drama. 21-Jan-2021
Alice Through The Looking Glass (2016)

Alice trips that she's a pirate, the savior of the unrighteous (Mad Hatter) and a liberated heroine. Hahahahahahahahah. 18-Jan-2021
I Feel Pretty (2018)

They conk a woman on the head to get her to realize that if she acts confident she can become something. Mumbo Jumbo is not needed for that. There are plenty of people who rely on confidence to achieve their goals without being pretty. Who better to represent badass confidence than Amy Schumer. She breaks a soul cycle and claims hilarity and sweetheart rights but I paid for a bitch not a strawberry. Maybe next year she can be conked and black. 30-Dec-2020
We Can Be Heroes (2020)

It's a kid's film. There are kids in it. It looks like candy. It's stupid. You mean brilliant stupid? No I mean silly stupid. 29-Dec-2020
Happiest Season (2020)

Lesbian with bad wig exploits girlfriend with bad dye job by coercing her to celebrate the holidays with her cult (family.) In-laws suck no matter how much they pretend to adapt and because that sinking feeling we get when you first meet is the truest. I thought that being loud and proud would supply Kristen Stewart with a personality but she remains dry ice. Maybe she's the wrong sex. I don't know where she was but she wasn't here. Dan Levy proves why I won't watch his Creek's shit. Just because the character is useless doesn't mean you can't steal it. I would have sexually cheated my way out of there and said fuck you to Whoville pudding.
(Oh, Oh. I don't mean to bring this up but it does end with lesbian violence. No fucking kidding. They knock down a Christmas tree and everything.) 20-Dec-2020