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Golden Bachelor, The (2023) Woof

Fuckboy! 01-Dec-2023
Daddy couldn't help himself from trying the new luggage he won on Let's Make A Deal. He showed Leslie how wires helped him move around the house and bestowed on Theresa, only sexual regard. 20-Nov-2023
Daddy gold was forced to walk and run, though I believe the run was CGI'd. Gerry was very vague when discussing how he felt about Theresa to her grandchildren and daughter. When he eye fucked Theresa's daughter she reacted like she liked it. I'm sure she wasn't listening to anything he was saying because he was saying that he wasn't in love with her mother. Either he let the cat out of the bag or he's a better actor than I thought. I ponder why Gerry is called Gary when it should be Jerry. 03-Nov-2023
Palmer didn't eyefuck anybody because he wasn't alone with them. Oh well, there's still paradise. Is the show on realtime? Do they walkie talkie what the public thinks to the producers? They made daddy walk. He only walked a few steps but every time he asked to walk a girl out he was holding on to them for dear life. When he opened the car door for a dumped, the producers rigged his suit jacket to hold him up. Good wire work. If talking about your ex on a first date is rude, why does it get a pass in old age? We found out that daddy is not made of gold, he bruises whenever a woman touches him. Maybe, she's made of fire. 27-Oct-2023
What pickle ball means: Age deteriorates the quality of the vegetable, but rarely causes them to actually become unsafe for consumption IMO. Pickling is used to preserve foods and in the environment of brine, they last pretty well forever. That said, the texture and flavorings are going to get funky after a couple of years. 20-Oct-2023
Whilst the ladies were slapping old man's balls our daddy gold was sitting. When he appeared on an ATV he sat throughout. He made out with any lips that came towards him, sitting down. The rose ceremony took much longer because daddy had to sit after every rose. He pretended to be a gentleman but we know the handicapped woman helped him walk out. That lady whose daughter was getting married as she was clapping balls didn't give two shits. Mother is not a title but an action. I'm sure the son-in-law was relieved she wasn't there to fuck up his wedding. Becoming ill was karma. Not telling women playing I've Never... that she was milk intolerant was like going to an orgy and having sex with everybody whilst knowing you have crabs. Captain Sandy with a wig has munched on ladies before but is a bottom, now. A judge Judy superfan told another contestant to ziploc her joy. 20-Oct-2023
I tuned in because I wanted to survey the old hunk. There is no way a 72 year old can look that good. He's handsome, a people pleaser, tastes like Spanish Fly and wants to fuck. He proved his age when it took him about twenty minutes to put on his shoes. Good editing. Wink, wink. There were no Goldiggers amongst the 20 but I noticed a few madams and ex whores. Including younglings would have created the tension women of that age experience. Most of the elder women were loopy, defining an era that's no longer safe. I like Ellen. I don't know why but I do. One of the women looked like Captain Sandy in a black wig, the Maude impressionist was kicked out, Jesse eye-fucked the bachelor and I felt grandpa's burden. Every time he votes out an eccentric aunt, America will judge him. "The man is dumping grannies!" 30-Sep-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Cliche, Crapfun, Creepy, Drama, Enthusiastic, Mat, Over the Top, Reality, Relationships, Romance, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Timid, Trashy, Warbly, Weird, Writ Funny

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01-Dec-2023


Bachelor In Paradise (2014 - ) Arf

What have I done? The producers made daddy Palmer look like one of the weird kids from The Polar Express. His eyes didn't move, they dialed down the light, the sparkle and he started looking through people, not at them. My apologies, sir. 12-Nov-2023
Oh no! I think the show is on realtime. The new girl said Brayden looked like Johnny Depp, nobody threw anything in the ocean and worst of all, they restricted daddy Palmer's cornea movements! No more eye fucking. They cut away just as soon as tears started to stream down his face. 04-Nov-2023
Mr. Palmer is a faithful husband. He only eyefucks men. It was fun to see Wells eat his burrito, though. Somebody looked like they were going to join a supremacist group after getting dumped. Brayden is a pirate that has all the women aflutter. Can all the girls fuck him and dump him so I can stop obsessing about him? Were asses covered up because they pooped themselves or because we might get excited? Yo, you can't be the fairer sex if you believe everything a man says. Kat's birthday cake looked nasty. Why are these people allowed to throw anything into the ocean? Doesn't she know that Flipper can get diabetes? 28-Oct-2023
Woohoo! The Palmer eye-fucked the newbie in an episode where not much happened. If you're demanding honesty from a man, don't do it like Kat. She hates the truth. 23-Oct-2023
Brayden's beauty suffers intense consequences because he can't deliver. Sean looks like a dream prince that Dreamworks dreamed up. There is no rational reason why Will should act sensitive when being dumped. Aaron needs to butt fuck his girl so she can stay regular and alive. She is a walking testament of why travel sucks. Wells is a cute package that the contestants keep unwrapping. He was icked by the baby incident and masterclassed he wasn't. He gleamed for Dreamworks but was bored with pretty head yet bounced back for latino flair. The theme is past promises made to people they weren't attracted to and the people who can't accept it. Jesse Palmer hasn't eye-fucked anyone and that's worrisome. They're so good. Men only! The thighs are wide, the legs are nice, the men have bite, are succulent and falling apart for trying to make someone else happy. Is this how toxic masculinity is created? 18-Oct-2023

Tags: 2010s, 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bad Acting, Chemistry, Choices, Cliche, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Emasculating, Fantasy, Fun Acting, Gay, Good Acting, Grating, Hot Swatch, Hyper, Juvenile, LGBTQ, Lifestyle, Maddening, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Reality, Relationships, Romance, Shrill Act, Silly, Squish Alert, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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12-Nov-2023


AHS: Delicate (2023) Whimper

S1E1. Big K is horrific and almost interesting. Emma Roberts is avoiding the camera, lest it tell something. She only understands ditzy blonde characters. The idea is a respectful homage but production keeps hurting it. Fantastical coincidences are painful recreations and hallucinatory effects are weak. We can only concentrate on one big thing at a time. Ryan always wanders. It seems like we're counting down until a stand-in with plastic taped to her butt, creates the illusion that we are witnessing and recording K's magnificence, naked. 27-Sep-2023

Tags: 2020s, Bad Acting, Cliche, Disappointment, Horror, Preposterous, Silly, Timid, Writ For Short Attn Spans

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27-Sep-2023


Witcher, The (2019-) WoofDowngrade

The half season was a trip down Xena memory lane without the charms of Xena, Gabrielle and or thrilling action. The action suffered from premature ejaculation. Over before it begins. GOT talk keeps reminding us how powerful Ciri is. Isn't three seasons enough time to finally see it and not constantly hear about it? I'd recast with more charisma and revamp with better professionals. Replacing just the main character is going to be wonky and talky and I want them all to feel as uncomfortable as I felt watching this season. I shifted interest in character to decipher if the actors really liked each other. 06-Jul-2023
S3E2. I'm savoring them/him. I hear GOT talk incessantly. That is not the cure for acceptance or sleepiness. 04-Jul-2023
S3E1: A toxic female can destruct a man's mythology but his heroism will reign supreme. Welcome back, daddy. 03-Jul-2023
Daddy dropped the hush a notch and it was sexy. A daddypalooza overwrote the overwrought female wokeness. The RPG "come to life" was fun. The mythology became a scientific equation instead of a scientific marvel. Can we find another solution to good girl being possessed by evil besides giving her a conscious? Bummer. Istredd. Boom! Dijkstra. Yes! Joey Batey. Lick, yeah! Neneke. Your highness. Daddy Supe speaks for itself. The females need more realism and the mythology needs better surprises. 27-Dec-2021
Daddy is something else but it was the ladies that kept me glued. 18-Jan-2020
Of course, I'm disquieted by the froggish whisper of the Witcher but he delivers comitted action moves and steady alpha charisma. Interspersed characterization maintains the show's freshness. (Is it part of its mythology that all pretty twinks get killed?) 15-Jan-2020

Tags: 2010s, 2020s, Action, Brutal, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Fantasy, Fun Acting, Horror, Hot Swatch, Kool Effects, Magnetism, Squish Alert, Star Power, Star Watt, Suspense, Tedium, Timid, Wit Snit, Writ Basic, Writ Tight

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06-Jul-2023


Black Mirror (2023-) Arf

S6E1. Joan Is Awful is fun until buffoonery steps in. I refused to change my brain frequency to understand it. S6E2. Diversity appeared out of sorts in a Scottish mystery that was dull, basic and predictable. I couldn't wait for it to end. E3. Beyond the Sea. I didn't have to pretend my mathematical rationality was misfiring. Perfectly constructed and understandable. The actors leant it broadway huff and puff. The watts illuminated emotional longing. Aaron Paul had an opportunity to steal and he took it, succeeding in hosting more than one spirit. Josh Hartnett plugs sweaty emotion into an astronaut whose reason for life has ended. Kate Mara is an other. The era suits Mara and her beautiful chops. S6E4. Mazey Day. Resembling Brittney Spears is not reason enough to grant a stranger mercy. S6E5. Trash that you shuck out the window after inspecting it. Beyond The Sea was the exception to mediocrity. It was great. 18-Jun-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Drama, Good Acting, Horror, Predictable, Questionable, Revenge, Sci-Fi, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Timid, Vague, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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19-Jun-2023


Superman & Lois (2021-) Woof

Invisible sister jumped off the screen, again. I couldn't see her, at all. The Amazing Valdez returned. Him and Lana found the cure for teenage angst... slave wages. Clark giving Valdez a super flick was everything. I'm sure his ass tightened instantaneously. Peia's dilemma kept us interested, the cast blended more and Superman is a dick for allowing anyone to cut Lois' tits off. I thought about his explanation for not using alien tech to save his wife. It's a privilege of consequences. He shouldn't save anyone, then. Ever. It's the same type of interference. I think I fucked up the mythology for myself. 07-Jun-2023
A magic spell not concocted with superpowers. Lana Lang and Sam Lane hooking up. Yay! 10-May-2023
The episode where I lost respect for Superman. Bruno one upped Clark's manhood by giving a million fucks for his dying wife while the Supe has technology that can save his but wont. The boys care enough to do everything to save their mom but she's waiting for Superman to become one. Clark Kent has become background wallpaper. Is Sarah's first lesbian affair going to happen with that Beppo woman? Ack! I actually felt sorry for Lana. The Amazing Valdez was missing and the invisible sister went invisible again. 05-May-2023
S3E6. It wrung emotions that overwhelmed the mythology. It's a well liked family drama with hillbilly charm. Like an aunt. Superman has no concerns about Superboy except teaching him how to hide for safety. A teen with superpowers of mixed cosmic race has no sexual malfunctions, ever? The Kents just want to be part of the team (earth). The boring part. They finally gave Lois a good excuse to not put food in her mouth. Lana's invisible child is given an abandonment storyline so a Kent can inspire her quest to save the world in the future and because the writers couldn't write another male fucking thing. Why does someone always know where the missing kid might have gone? That rose faced lady bothers me. Erik Valdez is auditioning for Jimmy Oleson, undercover. Wow, he has massles. He's hyped as fuck. What an adorable prick. He's fucking the town crier and the person Lana and the kids are most likely to bump into and he doesn't give a shit. Out of respect, he should try finding his steady fucks out of town. Why didn't they shave Chad Coleman and make him Lex? Why does Clark act like he's getting fired at a button's notice? Dude, kill it. I know they're not as cute as those wolf fuckers but fuck that, go wild. Touch Lana's ex latin prick's ass and make them pop. Laser the buttons off the snitch's blouse as she sits by the prick and have Lana and the kids show up. If the Kents start wearing cowboy hats and line dancing we know the button has been pushed. What's ok for the Ewings on Dallas is off base for comic book heroes. We devoured the comic adventures because it allowed entry into a world where fantasy science could inspire the gifted to take on the fight, leave real life misery behind and take our imagination to justice. We watched Dallas because they were fun, conniving, evil, drunk, violent, cheating, thieving, dreaming and killing assholes, like our families without the luxury, class or survival skills. The show is homebound. 29-Apr-2023
S3E6. Clark goes to death therapy to support Lois. Clark summarizes that his chances of death are kryptonite based and the threat of it doesn't happen often. He doesn't understand why his super sperm didn't save her. It helped Lana and she became mayor of Toontown. 27-Apr-2023
Oh, no. Are they going to change the name to "The Women and Clark"? 23-Mar-2023
I smell a Lana & Lois season. They already found a way to have daddy Supe lapse into comas. Lana banned all Kent men from her lesbian daughter and herself. They are toxic. She would have banned her ex-husband too but he needs to pay her rent. Sometimes daddy Supe appears to be the same height as Lana. 10-Jun-2022
Jonathan didn't need to fashion a leather jacket and lace gloves to make us accept his coolness. A close up touch, a pre-alopecia treatment, a tattered t-shirt and some skinny jeans would have kept us onboard. Lois starves in both dimensions, Superman's crotch measures the same in every universe, Lana doesn't burst any bubbles in either, Lang's daughter pontificates lesbianism against a boy that fails in both dimensions. Old bitches are making it difficult for male heroes to survive. 07-May-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Amiable, Chemistry, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Elegance, Fantasy, Fun, Heart Writ, Hilarious, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Nostalgic, Relationships, Sci-Fi, Sentimental, Star Watt, Sweet, Timid, Tired, Words Spoke, Writ Tight, Writ w/Possibilities

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07-Jun-2023


Muted (2023-) WhimperEarly Exit

As soon as I confused the boyfriend with the main character, I booked. Dude, I thought his marks were fake. Wow, he looked better in the past. Boo, I just insulted a person. They were both lovelies. I was watching on a different wavelength. I didn't want to have to rethink my imaginary flashbacks. The lady in charge of investigation hinted that it was schlock anyway. 31-May-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Cliche, Crime Drama, Drama, Early Exit, Gay, LGBTQ, Mystery, Pretty, Sexy, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Trashy, Warbly, Weird

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31-May-2023


Face of Evil (1996) Woof

Tracey Gold scrubbed her good girl identity to become a misunderstood feminist. The character runs away: from home, relationships and deep connections. Gold is a wild kitty playing life like a board game that she controls. Her forgiveness is theft and death. She assumes the identity of a kill to exit town but is tornado'd into becoming her. Shawnee Smith stirred instant empathy by being introverted, persevering, cute, desperate and clumsy. The girls become roommates, make connections, enjoy each other's company as we get to observe them. Mary Lambert directs with minute blood spills and no blows. How does evil get written on your face? She tries to explain that. Shawnee's father was a daddy wet dream for everybody except for the bitch waking him up. Perry King was carved with Kryptonian essence. His Highlander was superb but the tits and gorgeous craggly face were better. Lambert directs an intellectual showdown, the fight was fun TV Trash and Ms. Gold channelled Elizabeth Montgomery to eerie perfection. 11-Apr-2023

Tags: 1990s, Crapfun, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fun, Fun Acting, Funny, Psychological, Star Watt, Thriller, Timid, TV, Wit Crack, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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11-Apr-2023


Night Agent, The (2023-) Woof

The lead clicks likability instantaneously, precipitating the enjoyment of the series' machinations. The Vice President's daughter is a messy princess who thinks she's cool but is treated like a boob. The carry-on luggage is at the center. She stays where you put her, she can defend herself, she will succeed if she listens to everything he says and she does all the thinking. The boss from hell was transmitting from another planet. The class of spy thriller it was trying to emulate crumbles towards the end. The soap opera lacked cum juice, TV vs Film manifestations plundered and the agent guarding her bff needed to do push ups and lighten up. To avoid looking stiff, use only what's on your face. 06-Apr-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, From Another Planet, Fun, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Over the Top, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Timid, Twisty, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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06-Apr-2023


Heartbreak High  (2022) Arf

Varnished and re-imagined high school where everything gay is constantly celebrated and everything questionable is consoled. The younglings are obsessed with sex. They think that clutching their sexual identity helps them improve as people. It doesn't. It makes them egoistic and addicted. Darren dresses up as a french female prostitute because it enables his gayness to fly free. He's just a cunt who lashes out at his father for no reason and has disregard for what's really causing his misery, himself. Hooray for Cash for not wanting a free seat on the sexual compulsive train. Amerie is the main trainwreck looking for love where sex keeps appearing. Harper is the selfish beauty that treats her sexual tribulations and her friendships with more sex. Dusty's beauty defines him. Spencer is the only boy speaking a man's truth and getting punished for it. Malakai declares he's black. His black is lighter than mine and he has straight hair. I'm either Jamaican or maybe my mother is right and I'm white. He's cute though. In lesbian couples there is always one that is level headed and another who suffers from mental maladies. The principal reminds me of Karen Black after the African doll possessed her. Sex ed is a punishment for youths who already practice it more than the adults teach it. The pleasure of teenage suffering. 31-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Camp, Comedy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Juvenile, Lesbian, Lifestyle, Manipulation, Over the Top, Predictable, Silly, Stupid Funny, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

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31-Jan-2023


Devil In Idaho (2022-) Woof

A mother aids a teen escaping from a restrictive family with juvenile religious beliefs. Yes, all families are cults. The child with satan's tattoo ingratiates herself to the modern family but overstays her unwelcome. Mother is the most decisively written character. The child becomes an obsession because it is like her. In pain, pretending everything is honkey dory with a dash of hope that the next best thing will save her but she's always fucked. Carrie is the series inspiration. It reminds you without embodying any of the traits that make the original great. Madeleine Arthur could not find the dorkiness in the character because she doesn't consider herself one. Elegant Creepmeister is what the character demanded. There was no significant difference between the before and after makeover except maybe a bath. The daughters wrought faithful feelings trying to decipher why mommy prefers to hang out with a freak. Naomi Tan was aware of everything and we feel her the most. I couldn't tell the love interest and gbf apart. I thought her love interest was gay throughout most of it. I'm a dork. The gay bestie was a letdown because he only cared about being friends if they didn't befriend others. That's not a friend, it's a husband. Sam Yaeger's daddy was interactive with audience imagination despite his thin storyline. We imagined that he was the kind of daddy that would fuck everything in his path including that old realtor and the cop. The cop took me back to Lost. Remember, the egyptian looking guy with the eyeliner? Yeah, I wanted to fuck him while studying his face. The cop investigation was weak and amateur but he sure was pretty. Penikett is a howl as a parent whose ignorant beliefs are jeopardizing the family but gettting him community clicks. His diction came very close to "wascally wabbit." The cult and action were silly but the heart was in a tight space. The study contains brilliant pieces that needed to spread out. 19-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Fun Acting, Funny, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Music Rocks, Nostalgic, Psychological, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Timid, Trashy, Warbly, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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19-Jan-2023


Ekin Sue & Davide (2022-) Bites

Ekin Sue acts like any of the Love Island win votes were for her. I'd believe they had something if she didn't look so sexually frustrated. They hardly kiss, have gogo time and he's only interested in her getting pasta right. Daddy is whom he got the gaul from and mama+ is where he obtained his insecurities and sexual disabilities. TG they're both stoopid for money. 31-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Fake, Fantasy, Manipulation, Preposterous, Reality, Relationships, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Tedium, Timid, Tired

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31-Dec-2022


Watcher, The (2022) Arf

Moving to a new neighborhood is like finding extended family. Neighbors expect things of you. You fake your way out, you eventually fall into their trap and they change you. Jennifer Coolidge is in it. She was mighty confident pulling out question marks. She's all you'd expect and more. Margo Martindale is sublime as a sparring neighbor that's always lawfully right. The asshole who I think claimed all men want to sleep with their daughters was intriguing. Mia Farrow was wasted as a tree communicator/hugger/companion. A neighbor that excludes humans from the safety of the environment is a nag. Every time Papa Cannavale raged, my loins pleasantly shifted but when he didn't stop, I got ED. The Wakandan investigator seemed too fabulous to be in this realm. Real-life haunted house stories are bullshit. A bunch of brilliant people coming up with an idea of creating history by actually destroying people's lives and documenting it. All I wanted was to see Martindale and Coolidge go at it. Coolidge as a porn star neighbor with loud parties and sex orgies (ooh ooh, she can invite Stifler), colorful guests and Martindale doing what she does best with lesbian tendencies. Ryan puts our head in a tumbler and expects us to figure it out. On what basis? 14-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Fun Acting, Funny, Good Acting, Horror, Indecipherable, Over the Top, Overcooked, Political, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Warbly, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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14-Oct-2022


Sandman, The (2022-) Whimper

9-10. The showdown was anti-climactic because the Sandman's only defense is throwing sand in people's faces. 18-Aug-2022
S1E8. Raising Dion marks a return with a silly superhero suit, man nips and an unengaging sister. Lucienne hits dictation hard because she does not believe a word she says. Dream is making me laugh with how serious he is but the show is not. Corinthian grows wearisome and the raven and pumpkin feel out of place. Gault flickered economically. Good for her! 17-Aug-2022
Episodes 1-4 were a gliding introduction on skates but 5-7 cracked the ice. There is nothing in Patton Oswalt's voice that I would confuse for a mythological bird. The actors are best prior to the sixth episode with 5 being unbearable, 6 boring and 7 incapable of easing the many sexes and cultures gracefully. When the beautifully pale Morpheus with the tiniest lips and waist returns from episode hiatus, the interest is renewed. All else is Dr. Who/DC Christmas Special. 16-Aug-2022

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay, LGBTQ, Magic, Overcooked, Pitchy, Repetitive, Shrill Act, Silly, Static, Stupid Funny, Tedium, Timid, Tired, Warbly, Writ w/Possibilities

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18-Aug-2022


Never Have I Ever (2020-) BitesEarly Exit

I never will. Mindy Kalling of much success and little discernable talent. 15-Aug-2022

Tags: 2020s, Comedy, Drama, Early Exit, Insulting, Juvenile, Romance, Shrill Act, Silly, Static, Timid, Unfunny

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15-Aug-2022




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