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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Cold'

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There's Something In The Barn (2023) Bites

The director didn't add scope to cramped spaces. The set-up was an opportunity to marry into the Gremlins family but the creatives were inspired to make schlock. It was nice to have a boy do something in a movie besides being written out. The thing in the barn is not a CGI wonder or a Chucky miracle. It was old and dusty, like the script. I hope they hired some little people, at least. The film confuses weird with scary. The action sequences were frozen, the comedy was foggy and horror didn't show up. 01-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Camp, Chemistry, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Cold, Comedy, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Fatigue, Holiday, Horror Mild, Preposterous, Retread, Silly, Stupid Funny, Weird

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01-Apr-2024


Poor Things (2023) Arf

Oh. Emma ruined the word squishy for me. 08-Mar-2024
The whore of Frankenstein. The direction was stylish and the visuals were artistic but the script needed punching. The backstory was more interesting than the Frankenstein repeat. I wanted less of that. None of the actors clicked in the setting and Ruffalo's mumbly accent was troubling. TG he got naked. Emma Stone played the recovering retard like anyone would. She was okay but she didn't ignite the fire that would make men want to imprison her. Ramy's wedding pants were awful. I couldn't identify with a woman who is allowed a smooth awakening because she is trapped in a make believe world. She didn't know the value of a dollar, a meal, a man, rent, a closet, bordello gangbangs and logic. Stepping out on the town in lingerie would have been disastrous and mind altering, like in the real world. She is not a hero. She is like every other woman trapped in a setting that a man built. 08-Mar-2024

Tags: 2020s, Bad Acting, Cold, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Horny, Lesbian, Music Swings, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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08-Mar-2024


Marvels, The (2023) Bites

The film suffers from The Green Lantern and Quantum effect. If the creators wanted to take us to other worlds, the trip needed to be worth it. Skrulls with no power are obsolete. I think they took the green screen too literally. Most of the actors looked like they were talking to the back-heads of stand-ins or more green screens. The ladies became 3 instruments that didn't play well together. Distance was put between them. The glowey thing that Capt. Marvel displays when she's on, reminds one of the Quantum sky. Another action killer was giving the women the same power effect. So we don't distinguish or because it was easier? The big bad could only have gotten better had they cast that crazy lady from the Power Rangers. I thought Dar-Benn was blind for the first few minutes of the film. If she looked down, would her head-piece have fallen off? All the ladies came as they are because hair and makeup were in a rush to return to social media. They looked unkempt and shook. They would never dare look this ratched on the red carpet where fans aren't paying them to create movie magic. Somber heroes zigzagging to nowhere for nobody. I never thought of Monica Rambeau as interesting, I liked Kamala on the smaller screen but... and we all know what Carol Danvers is. The reason I liked female heroines was because they were a break from extremism and added a softer solution to the action and they were beautiful. If women keep denying themselves in order to become men, hugs will be cancelled. They can do anything? Be a girl. Good hair, make-up and dress will fulfill the rest. See: Barbie. Imagine if she was ugly and without sex appeal. No mucho $. Musicland was an in-law family situation humiliation activity. Nobody swags like they care so why bother? Was Frasier the only white man allowed in the building or was he CGId? 07-Feb-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Cold, Comic Book, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Fantasy, Girlie Movie, Lesbian, Over the Top, Predictable, Repetitive, Sad Effects, Sap, Sequel, Shrill Act, Silly, Stink Wigs, Tacky, Timid, TV-like, Writer Humiliation

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07-Feb-2024


Maestro (2023) Woof

Bradley Cooper is an uncanny Leonard Bernstein. The nose is art even though it makes Bradley nasal. Carey Mulligan is taught and achieving. She is the wife that halts her personal goals to stroke his. The genius is obsessed with calculating music and all boys pretty. The wife accepts and waits. Cooper positions the camera at different angles to add distraction to incomplete scenes. The film intellectualizes its subject and limits its margin. Dialogue is careful not to apply too many emotions to our lead for fear that they may not be true. It also, makes his actions appear nippy. Lovers come in and out of their lives without much exposition except beauty and sex. Mulligan is the film's disposition, Cooper is its center, the cast puts on an haughty appearance, everything is lush but the man remains an enigma. 22-Dec-2023

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Cold, Daddy Squish, Director Experiment, Director's Achievement, Drama, Elegance, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Magnetism, Music Swings, Pretty, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Slow, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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22-Dec-2023


Barbie (2023) Whimper

Women can do anything except fight wars, raise non-toxic boys or shut up. Barbie is a politic, a preacher and a bore. Man hate shuffles in so often that enjoyment is stifled. The cast is brilliant. Margo and Ryan were perfect iterations of iconic toys and the support kept up but the story just memes on the same subject, over and over. The film distinguishes the sexes without exploring true intentions or circumstances. The best way for feminists to free themselves from a man's grasp is to never marry and to abolish religions that place them in dire situations. 16-Dec-2023

Tags: 2020s, Brutal, Camp, Cheeky Acting, Chemistry, Cliche, Cold, Comedy, Conspiracy Theory, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Fantasy, Good Acting, Grating, Inactivity, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Oncer, Political, Preposterous, Pretty, Repetitive, Revenge, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Tedium, Timid, Weird, Writer Humiliation

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16-Dec-2023


Leave The World Behind (2023) Woof

Meticulous mommy and wimpy daddy rent an expensive vacation home with their zombie children in tow. The children are the AI we fear. Attached to tech unless the opportunity of live sex veers the boy's head but sister is less inclined. She's almost a full robot. The family receives a late visit from a father and daughter claiming to be in charge and staying the night because disaster seems to have struck the outside world. Mama Julia is suspicious and has every right to be. Unfortunately, the guest daughter's correctness in growling at Julia was justified because she observed Karen sensibilities. Their conclusion was one-sided. They should have both learned something. Black daddy appeared to have no purpose. The story could have survived without the father and daughter but then that poor boy wouldn't have anything to masturbate to. The boat scene chilled, the electric cars thrilled and Julia wrought much character identification. The husband was sympathetic to the new guests but later has an opportunity to save someone and doesn't. Is it because they spoke spanish? I would have liked to see more of the surviving community. The film is incomplete. 10-Dec-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Cold, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Achievement, Disaster, Funny, Sort of, Music Swings, Music: Disposable Soundtrack, Political Satire, SciFi, Star Watt, Suspense, Timid, Vague, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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10-Dec-2023


May December (2023) Whimper

Lack of clarity and character purpose slows a movie about a female child molester. The boy was thirteen, she got caught, went to jail, became pregnant and married the victim. Natalie Portman is the actress that arrives 20 years later to witness the aftermath and understand the feelings involved in a messy woman's choices so she can better portray her in an upcoming film. The couple believes it might bring redemption but it's not clear what Portman's true intentions are. Julianne Moore settles on a safe space where the husband, children and neighborhood are trapped within the woman's bubble of fantasy and control. She never thought she did anything wrong except cheat on her husband. Boy grows up and remembers feelings that were not kosher, his dependence on his wife gives him no place to run to and he needs to blast it to any one that can help him understand. Charles Melton's abused boy is a frozen fuckboy in a bubble of his own that conveyed not much more than the script. Melton pauses and clamps trying to act through something that's keeping him away. The beautiful score is unsettling and builds to nothing. Moore has a few moments, Portman gave us brilliant seconds but the styles never coalesced. The script mumbles and only hints at evoking feeling. When a woman is a victim of abuse, her story is always front and center. If the man is the abuser he has to register as a sex offender, not live by schools or children, be destroyed for life and never be the lead in his own story. Why didn't this victim get the same respect? 03-Dec-2023

Tags: 2020s, Cold, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Inactivity, Music Swings, Rapey, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Subtle, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Vague, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

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03-Dec-2023


Little Mermaid (2023) Arf

"I would have made Prince Eric an enslaved black royal on a slave boat that crashed in the sea. Black Ariel saves him but must fight a racist society to get him back to his tribe. If you're going to invest in a culture, invest. 06-Sep-2023
Halle Bailey is resplendent with no significant voice. The movie is not her fault. Javier Bardem created enough quake to make me want to suck his dick under the table. My apologies Lady Penelope, it's only a dream. Fish and birds suffered from unfortunate casting and drawing. Lady McCarthy was doing fake Brady Bunch Shakespeare with an SNL accent. Ok. If she actually sings like that why does she sing crappy in the commercials? Prince Eric sang only one song. Thank god! I would have never filmed that. Marshall had trouble imagining and most of the cast were confused. It's the best film Marshall has directed but it's hollow. 06-Sep-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Cold, Comedy, Director Movement, Fantasy, Musical, Over the Top, Romance, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Words Spoke

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06-Sep-2023


Antman & The Wasp: Quantumania (2023) Whimper

Cuteness and self congratulations does not befit these superpowered saviors. It rehashes helicopter dad and rebellious vigilante super daughter, predictably and unattached. Paul Rudd looked confused. The daughter misses being a good thing because she is stereotyped. MODOK looked like a badly stretched photo. The Quantum Realm was a mishmash of background paintings with no movement or the dulcet tones of Bob Ross. The inhabitants are the rejected drawings of cantina ideas for all the Star Wars films. The director applied the cutesies to an alien slime that cutely spoke. Good job actor, but there is nothing cute about talking jello. Pfeiffer tackled her heroism with gusto even though the words sounded exhausted. Chemistry was beginning to form between her and Kang. They should have played that out as a Part 1. The support was alert but there was too much realm and rah rah rah. The purpose of this pilot movie was to introduce Kang so it can comfortably occupy more room in the tie-ins. Majors hits all the right notes but Kang is underwritten and easily beaten. 18-May-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Cold, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Repetitive, SciFi, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Writer Weakness

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18-May-2023


Tar (2022) Woof

Invitation to a world we know little about, so they can explain themselves in high educated detail. Before an understanding of what the music fuck they are talking about, the film shuts us out. Tar created a family, success, working friends, an orchestra and a roomful of prizes and adoration. The director spent more time educating us about the mad professional rather than explain why her private life was so robotic. Mapping a character's career to establish how their mind works keeps audience attention until the snooze button pops up. An orgasmic technical achievement to its creator but it was bupkis to the people they were trying to reach. There was a lascivious side to Tar that was lightly explored. Lady Blanchett was the interest, the talent and the launch. I would have quit earlier had she not convinced me that I would witness art. She is art. Most of her gestures were off base. Her conducting shocked me. Are we supposed to cut in before the next instrument? Tar gets accused of misconduct, her sexual proclivities locked in a bottle unlike her rage. Cate was privy to a character's truth and conveyed it to the camera. Brava! 13-May-2023

Tags: 2020s, Bio, Chemistry, Cold, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Great Acting, Lesbian, Psychological, Relationships, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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13-May-2023


Jeepers Creepers Reborn (2022) Bites

An abortion would have served it right. Black men are not fanatical about visiting voodoo stores and doing horror cosplay. It brings bad mojo. He would have shat his pants. Is anyone aware that the Creeper is a sexual deviant that kills teenage girls and devours soft boys? He wouldn't give two shits about a girl, especially an old one. A pervert with a penchant for boys made him, the Creeper should be illustrated as such. 03-Feb-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cold, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Drama, Music Murders, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Timid, Timid Effects

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03-Feb-2023


Halloween Ends (2022) Bites

I hope so. Besides the original two, no one has added anything fresh, stimulating or artistic. Michael is psychic now. He can tell when someone's been bad to children, like Santa Claus. They gave Laurie white guilt because she is responsible for unleashing all the serial killers in our community. It felt equivalent to hanging Carroll O'Connor for his amazing portrayal of a bigot. Laurie's feminism got softened. She sets up her granddaughter, that almost got killed by the most famous serial killer ever, with a date that served time for maybe killing a child. Yeah, the kid died. Worst parent ever. Why couldn't they meet on their own without Laurie's instincts being seniled? Absolutely not, you are never leaving this house until that psycho is off the streets! That would have been enough fury to unleash a psycho. Corey's idea of a possible serial killer is smiling like he's auditioning for The Dark Knight: The Joker Reborn. An animated feature. I wished the psychos in my life were that funny. Giving Corey a storyline was a stall tactic because they didn't know how to end it. It's been so long that they forgot the purpose. It mistook the original as schlock entertainment and served it as such. What stood out in the original was the images, hand magic, ideas and symbolism. Awesome music is ingrained, a mask and a scream queen born of Janet Leigh never hurt. Everyone deserved better. 02-Feb-2023

Tags: 2010s, Action, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Cold, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Political Satire, Retread, Tedium, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Vague

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02-Feb-2023


Pale Blue Eye, The (2022) Woof

Christian Bale plays his detective with self-control and whispers. The man is unnervingly entertaining. The film takes you to a place you don't want to be but since you're there, why not try it? It hooks its audience immediately. Edgar Allan Poe becoming his deputy, figuring clues and outsmarting the other, was fun. I almost expected young Sherlock to show up with his dancing pastries. I thought Lady Gillian was one of those pastries. You couldn't get enough of her. The investigation is the whole of the film and the soul is its end. 12-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Cold, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Director's Achievement, Drama, Fun, Good Acting, Mystery, Psychological, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Twisty, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

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12-Jan-2023


White Noise (2022) Bites

Spending all your time fearing death is not living. Independent housewives who feel apathy in their routine will take an ick to numb it. Of course, the daughter blames the ick for making mama forgetful. Maybe forgetting is the key. Dumb teenager believing everything they read on the internet and sending pregnant daddy on a mental loop cycle because she lost all common sense. He spends all his time annoying with german babbling, recounting tidbits of Hitler's art and bragging how it was the foundation for his career. It's time he paid more attention to his wife. Were the people the toxic cloud? It's irrelevant. It doesn't land and when it wants to, it spirals and crashes. The weight is on Driver but his character is unsympathetic. That's what happens when you try to cash in on someone else's legend. Gerwig lends nothing to a nothing woman that needed lots of pap smears and mental hospitalization. Except for the ick nagging daughter, all the kids were cutouts. Every time Cheadle approached to philosophize nonentities I wished Thanos would make him disappear. It yada yadas to death and says nothing. 02-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Cold, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Grating, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Weird, Writer Weakness

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02-Jan-2023


Where The Crawdads Sing (2022) Whimper

Entertainment has wrung art dry. The artists are burdened with inciting memories of great historical art and erasing them, lest the audience think they pilfered them to bring a manipulative story to the screen. You can tell the director was probably very cool headed because a household with that much violent disarray would include more horrific things. Marsh girl would have turned out a creature less human instead of a starving foreign exchange student. Daisy Edgar Jones flattens the character by not bringing star charm to a mimicking portrayal. See Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue. Even when they couldn't act, they glowed with excitement and saved a crappy movie. Her ascension to sophistication is questionable. Either her mother had a great wardrobe or girl was doing something besides chucking clams. Also, why didn't she just eat the clams? The owners of the grocery store were inspired by a very special episode of "Little House On The Prairie" featuring the blacks. A little wild girl living all alone in the swamp would attract a lot of perversion. She couldn't read but she picked up on romance real quick. She flew into her "first" kiss. How did she know? What kind of nice daddy was hers before he booked? Why was she surprised to experience Tate Walker's natural findings in the swamp? Wouldn't she have discovered it whilst being the swamp? The crime and the courtroom boredom that follows had me eye rolling. The film is a cheer for womanhood but not art. It's a facsimile. I wanted to feel something. I am a man, after all. The ending knocked it out of the park but so did Harris Dickinson, to no avail. 16-Nov-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, Cold, Crime Drama, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Girlie Movie, Hot Swatch, Manipulation, Preposterous, Relationships, Romance, Sap, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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16-Nov-2022




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