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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Director Slouch'

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Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) Bites

Surprise. Eliminating Hank Azaria as Gargamel does not make a Smurf franchise better. Besides being objectified, gangbanged and being a procreator, Smurfette is confused about her purpose. She goes on an unenviable adventure to find herself amid little care from the audience. The best stories do not have big bang adventures. They stay close to home so we can empathize with them. Girl Smurf explores and becomes at Lesbian Forest but returns to Smurf Village for the bangs. Sounds about right. 09-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action Stomper, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Fantasy, Fatigue, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Tacky, Vague, Weird

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09-Nov-2020


Last Christmas (2019) Whimper

The mother of dragons goes goofy and messy to the legendary tunes of George Michael. Emilia Clarke leads with little sense. She's on a hurtful journey that should have been poignant but is annoying. Henry Golding is hot daddy giant with a glass wall constantly in front of him. Michelle Yeoh (Santa indeed) captivates with elegance, deliciousness and talent. Every actor was directed to pitch to the back audience as if it were a play. No need for that in a film. We don't want it corny but a little less cranky, maybe. Christmas is saturated with lights, the word Jesus in small letters are bountiful and the repetition of a song George Michael would resuscitate from to kill, dominates. There were so many beautiful things the director could have applied to Michael's music but decided basic was better. The ending is a surprising memorable copout. The lead character is insane. 05-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Comedy, Crapfun, Cultural, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Elegance, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Music Swings, Preposterous, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Tacky, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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05-Nov-2020


Rebecca (2020) Whimper

Lilly James never grows into the character of Mrs. De Winter, married to a beautiful giant with the power of entitlement and a haunted past. She's a bumbler who goes head to head with a stern HOH named Mrs. Danvers whose the only person in charge. Kristin Scott Thomas sinks her teeth into a classic character that was a delightful fright but whose persona has been abbreviated to a devoted staff member. The best manipulations are designated to other characters which kills Mrs. Danvers psychosis and grants Thomas no fun. The story has been fidgeted, the lush is unimpressive, the style is non-existent, James is not the woman for the job and Hammer is a pretty package with no clue as to how to play a rich gorgeous dick. I would have preferred to see Rebecca's story play out. Mrs. Danvers could have pined for her mistress while Rebecca crushed men's spirits. Missed opportunity for some classic lesbian fun and threesomes with the Hammer. 23-Oct-2020

Tags: 2020s, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Predictable, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Stink Wigs, Timid, TV-like

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23-Oct-2020


Wolves At The Door (2016) Whimper

The desecration of humanity is unforgiving. In order to conceptualize fact based savagery onto film you have to be a little nuts. The film goes where Tarantino's wouldn't and exploits it. It doesn't feel like the 60s, the ladies never heard of the 60s, the boys are drunks, stoners and stoopids and the killers remained shadowed like Halloween supervillains. Giving an evil character personality does not grant them humanity. It gives us a clue who to run away from. Make it up and make it real. I was a fan of Sharon Tate and I felt her tragedy. When I read "that" book, I experienced haunts and nightmares, forever. How could people be so inhumane? If the writer brings up the question, he and the director need to answer it. If you're going to make it, let your balls hang real low so the audience can cut them. The crew has regular mental health issues but no psychosis or artistry. It's Lifetime violence with '40s flair. The opener sizzled only because nobody makes Miss Jane look stoopid. 19-Sep-2020

Tags: 2010s, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cold, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Horror, Relationships, Scare Obvious, Silly, Tacky, Timid

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19-Sep-2020


Terminator: Dark Fate (2019) Whimper

Runny episode in the Terminator franchise. There is no verve in watching women do what they never do in real life. ("If I see another Karen dropkick another neighbor, I'll lose my shit.") It has all the ingredients of the best ones with none of its simmer, smarts or pot of humor. Young Arnold impressed but his Terminator mythology was destroyed. The cute brother should have played the Terminator. Sarah Connor is a show off. It talks, it fights, it conquers...story continued on Jane The Virgin. 21-Aug-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Drama, Ear Prick, False Action, Indecipherable, Macho Posing, Manipulation, Over the Top, Political, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Writer Humiliation

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21-Aug-2020


Stephanie (2017) Whimper

Stephanie is the child that's always in your face that you ignore. Her parents abandoned her to live in isolation during an unknown pandemic and to deal with a monster roaming about. Daddy Frank Grillo and mama Anna Torv were defined as shitty parents so everything they did was spotty and disenfranchised. Shree Crooks discharged unsettling reality to her child. The twist curls into a pretzel, a bone breaking finale poured some salt on it but the whole was artificial cheese dip. 13-Aug-2020

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Grating, Horror, Manipulation, Mystery, Repetitive, Scare Obvious, SciFi, Star Watt, Timid, Twinkie, Twisty, Vague, Writ w/Possibilities

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13-Aug-2020


What Keeps You Alive (2018) Whimper

Brittany Allen has a face you follow especially when great material meets her. Psychopathic danger presented for lesbians and personifying all women. Talking it out before every kill and expressing feelings that don't make sense has returned to cinema. The film flashes to the threat so quickly that its fallback is to drag and repeat. The director didn't shake the camera for bumps and the cutter had no guts. I admired the video twist and the cruel kill. I return to Allen because when all other characters drained, it was her face that maintained me. 11-Aug-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, By the Numbers, Camp, Crime Drama, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Lesbian, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Revenge, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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11-Aug-2020


Hobbs and Shaw (2019) Arf

Action daddypalooza. It's about a virus that hints at corona which means the celebration is anticlimactic? The godly Samoan took to criticism and calmed his macho down. The squirt squirted sweet juice and super daddy accent rode it like Harry Potter on a broom. All plane sequences worked. I liked the conversation between the three on the plane and the action amongst the clouds took me to flight. The Rock admitted his shortcomings, the kicker provided sharp flare and street daddy gobbled all the cowboy tech limited by budget. Most of the action felt cartoony, some of the action felt inspired but mostly the action fulfilled what a disposable master would authorize. We must stop announcing "badass." It's not something you know, its something you are. Men will never be mothers but they can front the criticism. The writer needs to allow us to judge them. 09-Aug-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Fatigue, Funny, Hot Swatch, Macho Posing, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Sap, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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09-Aug-2020


Temple (2017) Whimper

Cursed temple threat. Elements of faith and wanton explorers is fear elementary but limitations keep holding it back. Pretty boy with luscious hair is as captivating as pretty girl with luscious hair because the director was obviously into both but neither was given character development besides the wet dreamy sort. They set it up, I saw marked cards, called it foul but it kept on going. 27-Jul-2020

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Horror, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Timid

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27-Jul-2020


Vivarium (2019) Whimper

Bubble couple are misled into a hellish suburban child rearing nightmare after house shopping.The setting is rife with panic and exasperation which neither characters or the presentation take advantage of. The characters don't react like real people and the story wants no resolution. Phones don't exist, no one attempts to test the gadgets in the house, time passes and the majors look the same, young "Sheldon" is triumphantly maddening, Eisenberg spends too much time digging and Poots rimming. It's about nothing. 26-Jul-2020

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Cold, Conspiracy Theory, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Good Idea, Grating, Horror, Mystery, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Silly, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Too Long, Unenthusiastic, Vague, Weird

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26-Jul-2020


Cutting Class (1989) Bites

Mental health contamination scours a suburban town with blood splatter. The kills work as an after the fact. Neither Brad Pitt's twink beauty supreme or talent could save it. (I figured out the whodunit by studying the killer's arms and hands to no avail. They ridiculously didn't match.)

Trivia: Hollywood's champion cocksucker is in it too. 18-Jul-2020

Tags: 1980s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, Camp, Chemistry, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Hot Swatch, Loud, Music: Disposable Soundtrack, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Rapey, Relationships, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Timid

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18-Jul-2020


Old Guard, The (2020) Whimper

PC vampires arrive in woke world. They no longer bite but still have the ability to suck.

Charlize Theron squelches her sexuality to deliver macho posturing and adds no strength to female action fabulosity. A woman who obscures her sexuality is depriving the act of confidence and beauty. She was so serious and miserable.

The gays were cute for the moments they accessorized but the corn deep throated them.

The superpowers are not enviable and is a filmic excuse to watch people bleed out.

The "big bads" couldn't scare a bird away.

The story is refried beans with lesser ingredients and the action came straight out the can. 14-Jul-2020

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Comic Book, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Manipulation, Over the Top, Preachy, Predictable, Retread, Silly, Tedium, Timid, Unenthusiastic

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14-Jul-2020


They Come Knocking (2019) Whimper

Hot daddy raggedy, teen elder daughter crab apple and future "Karen" darling road it it to dead children county to distribute mama's ashes. You know the movie is not destined for greatness when the cliche effect of children's whispers is heard. The children creep a little but there are no sensible rules chaining the scares together. It's horror schmaltz. 11-Jul-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Drama, Horror, Indecipherable, Manipulation, Relationships, Sap, Scare Obvious, Silly, Timid, Unenthusiastic

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11-Jul-2020


Eurovision Song Contest (2020) Whimper

Brother/sister romance tackle art and temptation at a song contest.

Will Ferrell's character's age kept gnawing at me. How old is he supposed to be? How old is his sister? His father? Ferrell plays the eternal kid that refuses to wear big boy britches even for comfort. Ours.

Rachel McAdams deserved a singing partner.

Dan Stevens left it at the Abbey. He should go pick it up.

I knew it was Demi Lovato before I saw her. It was the screaming.

The music is way too silly to enjoy, coming in constant waves of annoyance. I don't care what the rules are, sing it live. Too much? 01-Jul-2020

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Comedy, Director Slouch, Drama, Gay Swatch, Grating, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Retread, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Tacky, Timid, Unfunny, Weird

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01-Jul-2020


Jaws 3 (1983) Bites

The fun stops here. 22-Jun-2020

Tags: 1980s, Action, Art Devoid, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Eye Gouge, Fantasy, Horror, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Over the Top, Preposterous, Sad Effects, Scare Obvious, Sequel, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Wit Crack

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22-Jun-2020




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