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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Director Slouch'

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Menu, The (2022) Bites

The menu didn't serve enough choices and didn't take advantage of it's clientele. Face actor Fiennes was ready to do some really mean things but he ended up depraved and soulless. What makes foodies offensive is not their meal choices but their business dealings? Hong Chau creeped out and overcame ick material. Nicholas Hoult didn't get a chance to swing. Taylor-Joy gave good face but subtle depth. Was John Leguizamo the only latin pimp with taste buds they could think of? He doesn't belong. The horror element is copied from a better script's cliff notes. The actors did not do like Lucy and make us believe they were eating that shit. Hardly anybody ate. Didn't get it, didn't care because I eat to survive. 22-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cliche, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Drama, Horror, Mean Spirited, Political Satire, Preposterous, Repetitive, Revenge, Star Watt, Tedium, Wit Crack, Writer Humiliation

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22-Jan-2023


Black Adam (2022) Bites

Dwayne Johnson did not consider that the stoic and angry facade of an ancient god is not equivalent to Arnold playing a Terminator. A vengeful all powerful god would have much to express besides muscle matter. The skateboard annoyed me. Studious colored boys did not skate in our hoods. It attracted thieves that would steal it and smash it over our heads. Sarah Shahi played the only invulnerable man on land. At no time did we get to enjoy Noah Centineo's package, neither when he was big or small. Quintess' Cyclone consisted of a Quincenera elf suit and the special powers of Rainbow Brite. It does everything critics dislike about movies and more. Self-introduction, cheerleading, self-promotion, the jesus complex, preaching and copying things misunderstood. It's hard to tolerate a superhero with little vulnerability. It's like watching the same action gif over and over. 21-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Cliche, Comic Book, Depressing, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Fatigue, Over the Top, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Retread, Star Watt, Trashy, Wit Crack

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21-Dec-2022


Nope (2022) Whimper

The characters are as blanched as photographing black people in the dark. They react but convey no thoughts or feelings. Kaluuya is an all day crank that has no good reason for living and Palmer is an annoyance that is not fully explained. Jordan Peele must have learned his craft on the street because it's nonsense. The big bad is a giant vagina that sucks everything up except condoms and bleeds profusely atop of people's houses like they were absorption pads. 18-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Over the Top, Preposterous, SciFi, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Vague

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18-Dec-2022


Where The Crawdads Sing (2022) Whimper

Entertainment has wrung art dry. The artists are burdened with inciting memories of great historical art and erasing them, lest the audience think they pilfered them to bring a manipulative story to the screen. You can tell the director was probably very cool headed because a household with that much violent disarray would include more horrific things. Marsh girl would have turned out a creature less human instead of a starving foreign exchange student. Daisy Edgar Jones flattens the character by not bringing star charm to a mimicking portrayal. See Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue. Even when they couldn't act, they glowed with excitement and saved a crappy movie. Her ascension to sophistication is questionable. Either her mother had a great wardrobe or girl was doing something besides chucking clams. Also, why didn't she just eat the clams? The owners of the grocery store were inspired by a very special episode of "Little House On The Prairie" featuring the blacks. A little wild girl living all alone in the swamp would attract a lot of perversion. She couldn't read but she picked up on romance real quick. She flew into her "first" kiss. How did she know? What kind of nice daddy was hers before he booked? Why was she surprised to experience Tate Walker's natural findings in the swamp? Wouldn't she have discovered it whilst being the swamp? The crime and the courtroom boredom that follows had me eye rolling. The film is a cheer for womanhood but not art. It's a facsimile. I wanted to feel something. I am a man, after all. The ending knocked it out of the park but so did Harris Dickinson, to no avail. 16-Nov-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, Cold, Crime Drama, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Girlie Movie, Hot Swatch, Manipulation, Preposterous, Relationships, Romance, Sap, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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16-Nov-2022


My Policeman (2022) Whimper

A very soft policeman. Harry Styles keeps it monotone and unenthusiastic. He pants oddly during blowjobs and he can't kiss for shit. His "s's" and "t's" were so crisp that I thought his accent was fake. I wanted to shake him. I came in the first few minutes and never got a hardon again. I felt like leaving so many times but felt obligated to stay. We prefer to talk about our olden times instead of setting a better path with a real story from today. We can be honest about the past without it burning us in the present. The laws have changed but we have not. It's 50s Britain, where cops live in Tarduses, aging twinks can become cops, twink cops get picked up by perverts and an innocent girl trashes her entire life so her husband and their bff can enjoy gay sex. Emotions run cold. Everything is so quiet and unassuming that you sometimes believe one of the lovers might be serial. P.S.: gays are only miserable at the end of their lives, all else is just fun. 05-Nov-2022

Tags: 2020s, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Director Slouch, Drama, Gay, Over the Top, Predictable, Relationships, Retread, Tedium, Timid

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05-Nov-2022


Mr. Harrigan's Phone (2022) Bites

The film has the emotional impact of attending a stranger's funeral, the fright of an Easter coloring book and the sense of none. There isn't enough thread to hold the story together. 12-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Director Slouch, Drama, Inactivity, Preposterous, Repetitive, Timid

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12-Oct-2022


Girl In The Shed (2022) Whimper

By eliminating all references to sex, the film loses its soul and inspiration. Sex is a fact and a trigger. If the creative team can't comply with artistically and forcefully presenting it, it isn't a cautionary tale. We need to talk about the burden god leant us. Over and over. Ben Savage is in kiddie acting mode and gives the monster, no quirks, edges or history. What made this idiot? Abby was an athlete and in top shape. Why didn't she fight more? Why was his violence directed at things he built and not Abby? Masters don't change beating styles. If they hit you on the first date, they will hit you every time esp. if no one can hear you. Erica Durance beautifully played a withering mother and deserves to be in courageous art. According to this film, teen gets kidnapped by craziness because he is lonely, likes her hair, kissed her once over tape and she's weak. They spent the rest of the time bonding. Lots of reading, cooking, getting spoiled, playing board games, sleepovers, hugging but no sex. It sounds like summer camp if you're ugly. There is not much here to make a teen tremble and aware esp. when the imagination can create worst things by hearing the facts on the news. 09-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Cliche, Cold, Director Slouch, Predictable, Preposterous, Star Watt, Timid, Words Spoke

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09-Oct-2022


Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) Whimper

Natalie Portman's linebacker is not the gayest thing about the movie, a bodyless rock pining for another rock is. Are you kidding me? I want to see Thor's beautiful ass devoured by Zeus. 12-Sep-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Camp, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Girlie Movie, Lesbian, Manipulation, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Crack, Writer Humiliation

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12-Sep-2022


Candyman (2021) No Moons

Non-movie illustration of why "Oscar So White" is still so prevalent. Candyman is stripped of sensual ferocity, opinion and reason. His myth is re-written and implied by puppetry because the talent wasn't inspired to showcase it. The scares couldn't unhinge a cockroach. The deaths are remote with closeup shots of thick red Kool-aid. The violence is hesitant because most black people are petrified of supernatural violence. It scratches the ghetto but refuses to live in it because black people don't want to return there. Whites have gentrified the ghetto and blacks are mad as hell because they weren't given enough time to make their home livable. "Welfare knocked on my door before I had a chance to straighten up." "Bitch, you know white people can't watch good land go to waste." Blacks with dedication and drive enjoy the gentrified lifestyle while critiquing their hosts and avoiding the nasty parts of their neighborhood. This is all supposed to tie in with a confusing Candyman revenge backstory. The candy was uninspired. It should have looked scrumptious and colorful. It looked like granny's recycled Christmas candy. Only fat kids pick that shit up. It wasn't woke enough to have Colman Domingo fuck Candyman. The film required more gays so Candyman could kill the two. Too bad. In what world are there more cops in the neighborhood than community? 31-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Gay Swatch, Horror, Indecipherable, Political, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Retread, Silly, Tacky, Timid, Writer Weakness

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31-Jan-2022


Power Of The Dog, The (2021) Whimper

There is no dog in sight. Teen with effeminate ways grabs the attention of the town bully and gets a crush on him. Son is subjected to alpha humiliation that gives him a hard-on which makes mother heartbroken yet keeps boy obsessed with tempting the savage. She marries the bully's brother and moves into the bully's home where he finishes her son off. Cumberbatch has no idea what a cowboy is. He jangles and jingles with exaggerated sounds of the west and comical highwaters but only his butt stood out. His pronunciation of "fatso" held no effect because he didn't know what the fuck it was. It's not a fact, it's a genial insult. His slow drawl compensates for an accent with no attachment to history. He is miscast because the safety of the participants prevails great art. No one is going to take a chance on a toxic male presence for reality's sake. Rick from The Walking Dead would have made a savage cowboy. Jane Campion is obsessed with certain keys of the piano and noises that no one else finds comforting. Kirsten Dunst would have given an award worthy performance if someone had written her one. Her character is scattered and listless. Hiring a tall boy doesn't diminish the film going Brokeback with a child. The film may not consummate it but we're not stupid. Jane Campion spends so much time lingering that the thought is lost. 06-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Inactivity, Preposterous, Relationships, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Too Long, Vague

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06-Dec-2021


Black Widow (2021) Whimper

Frivolous conversations, uninventive action, uninspiring support and bad Russian speak make for a non-movie event. 14-Oct-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Camp, Comic Book, Director Slouch, Drama, Ear Prick, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Macho Posing, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Unfunny, Writer Humiliation

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14-Oct-2021


Cruella (2021) Whimper

It rewrites history by replacing evil with benign cruelty and dog hugs. The Emmas were royal, the doggies were cute and the support was on call. Cruella's transformation never coalesces with the original character. She's a naughty bottom feeder with asshole friends, who snuggles with furries she later eats, is a career opportunist and an apocalyptic disaster waiting to happen but she's very sweet. (Glenn Close laugh!) 13-Sep-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Over the Top, Preposterous, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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13-Sep-2021


Clovehitch Killer, The (2018) Arf

It's based on a historical serial killer but it's not. Boy's disinterest in crime history is tested when he stumbles upon evidence that may incriminate a loved one. A teen investigation ensues. Obvious clues don't allow the mystery to spring forward. The family does not generate enough emotion to evoke compassion. There is no new imagination. Are we supposed to act like we don't know who the killer is? It's directed that way. Charlie Plummer pulled away at the proximity of Dylan McDermott. That would have been useful for some guttural acting but no one thought of it. Dylan mocks his character and has no idea how to preach about God. We're cheering for a family that sucks and a film that associates cross dressing with psychos. 19-Jun-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Conspiracy Theory, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Horror, Mystery, Oncer, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Writ w/Possibilities

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19-Jun-2021


Woman In The Window (2021) Whimper

A cheap thriller receiving attention because an acting powerhouse is in it. Production invited stellar actors to deliver supporting one notes. Why bother? The writers and director are faulted for having no perceptive style and for thinking that hiding and boo is the only adult scare tactic. I would have fired them, handed the camera to Amy and told the actors to wing it. 21-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Good Acting, Over the Top, Preposterous, Repetitive, Star Watt, Thriller, Timid

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21-May-2021


Mrs. Winterbourne (1996) Whimper

With a confident lead this might have been a cute comedy. 18 year old naif decides that New York is the place for her to establish success. Porn director introduces himself at the train station, impresses her, she moves in, she gets pregnant against his wishes, she doesn't abort and he kicks her out. She ends up in a fancy train to Boston with another pregnant woman and her charming husband. Tragedy happens. She and her child are accidentally mislabeled Winterbournes at the hospital and mother is forcefully marched to the Winterbourne estate to meet the mother and brother of the deceased. The fraud works because they've never met before. Miguel Sandoval was a pleasant contribution as a surrogate father to the boys and a gay butler privy to sex with rough trade. Brendan Fraser was at his prettiest, Shirley MacLaine was at her wittiest but Ricki Lake was a nerf ball. You can throw it around and manipulate it to land somewhere but it doesn't move by itself. Even the makeover was underwhelming. She went from Ricki Lake the actress to Ricki Lake the broadcaster. The baby was excellent. 05-May-2021

Tags: 1990s, Accidental Watch, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Preposterous, Relationships, Sap, Star Watt, Sweet, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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05-May-2021




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