All Posts Tagged as 'Crapfun'
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Smile 2 (2024)

A frown is a smile upside down. 10-Apr-2025
I thought of something. Rebrand it as "The Frown." 09-Apr-2025
Naomi Scott created a character that was easy to understand and interesting to follow. The plot was basic. Many things seemed random. An out of the blue character always appears to explain the rules. The mythology is so vague that explanations became invalid. I still don't know what was real or not. I was committed because Ms. Scott was master tripping on emotions. I concocted many scenarios but I couldn't accept the smile thing (Joker thoughts), the mythology (not Buffy) or the scares (Terrifier-centric.) 09-Apr-2025
White Lotus, The (2025)

I celebrate Mike White on his merits, introspective moments, overall arcs and emotionally violent closures. Patrick had daddy dna and Tom Cruise energy. Lek established herself legendary by being unforgettable. The tooth fairy sprinkled fairy dust and allowed me to relax in her vulnerable world. Goggins ignited me when he played trans with luscious boobs and biker milf status. His best performance moments were in his eyes and his beautiful teeth. Parker Posey was its biggest draw but was saddled with a shadowed ending. Jason Isaacs has super daddy capabilities. Every time I saw him I wanted to throw him down and suck his daddy pain away. The besties grew but didn't resolve. I'm glad momma had a happy ending but she could have reached that goal by selling her son. He was gorgeous. Valentin had phony act charm that kept him fuckable. Gaitok's becoming was heartwarming. The big mystery: she's alive isn't she? 08-Apr-2025
Heretic (2024)

Being privy, I recognized the fear, hostility and rejection that most religious salespeople have to endure. Sending unseeded pleasantness to enrapt new members is messy. They recruited virgins to preach the word of god that knew nothing about psychos. The brainiac script brought "the art of conversation back. The actors were royal and I didn't know you could make appointments with "the miserable" instead of going door to door and getting raped or killed by surprise. 24-Mar-2025
Kraven: The Hunter - (2024)

It had elements that would have created art and stir the heart. It's depressing. The drab appearance lacks animation color. Having no love interest, the vigilante turned hero has no one to pull him back when he goes beyond animal. Kraven's father had only one thought. Don't be weak. He says it in almost every scene with him and his brother. The brother bond doesn't coalesce beyond physical distance which made me not care. Ariana DeBose surprised me. I had no idea that she was Calypso. They missed an opportunity not making her a voodoo priestess because the religion is real and she's scary as fuck. Tagging the Chameleon instead of exposing him was also a waste. The daddies were ready to blow things up but the words in conversation lacked thought. The action sequences were enjoyably brutal, the Rhino took too long to become, Calypso could have been given more to do and villains can only become good after a hero beats them, again, again and again. 15-Mar-2025
Arcadian (2024)

It's the end of the world and Nic Cage remains to fight it. He's kept his twin sons safe for 15 years. They farm, scavenge and kill during the day but hatch down everything before dark. The mystery deepens even with revamped scares. Cage downplays heroism because after 15 years of vigilance his character is tired. His strength is in his conviction and hope. The boys were well cast. They both lit bulbs. The twins' asides were a welcome. The farm is where they found their warmth and exhaustion. A better way to separate the dark action sequences (not black enough or bright enough) would elicit more excitement because a lot of good work remained unseen. I want to know what that needle thing was, more about the occurrence, life before the end of the world, end of the world, those things and the future. 28-Jan-2025
My Little Margie (1952 - 1955)

Ridiculousness is the charm that keeps you glued to seeing horrible people fail. The father thinks that by treating his adult daughter like a wife that she will outgrow her conniving ways. Yes, it's a Lucy wannabe. The daughter Margie is an unscrupulous Lucy in her 20s. The protagonist is adept at mimicking voices and throwing a punchline but she wasn't Lucy. The character is hard to like. It is structured as a last minute idea. Somebody wrote a porn script for fun, they couldn't meet a deadline so they repurposed it for television. Margie is everything the modern woman is blamed for. Woman domination is irrefutable. Single dad that looks great in shorts is raising an over-teen. He is so overwhelmed by her antics/lunacy that he employs his boss and "girlfriend" to sabotage her. The boss is especially inappropriate. Holy crap! They had a black elevator man that entered apartments and canoodled with the white folks in the building. He was allowed to touch them! He was funny. The old neighbor was a hoot dressing up in drag and joining forces with Margie to scam people. She was no Mrs. Trumbull. My favorites almost always involved hillbilly or Hindu disguises, etc. Romantic relationships never evolved. They acted and reacted like spouses and weren't ashamed. The lead actress worked hard and had perfect pitch but I wanted a slushie thrown in her face. I'm surprised it made it to classic but more amazed that it still stirs. 18-Jan-2025
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice (2024)

It was good. Nothing beyond what was expected. 26-Dec-2024
Red One (2024)

It was a jolly merry Christmas movie. Daddy Johnson downplayed it and wrung emotion and hilarity out of it. Chris Evans rejected heroic valor and was cute again. JK Simmons can eat my cookies, anytime. Lucy Liu had a purpose. Krampus was impressive. Kiernan was having fun. Every hole in the story gets punched up by mini-Dwayne kickassing, his jacket, his teeth, reindeer muscle, snowmen beaching, toys, gadgets, lights, magic, witches, twinks, candies, memories, regrets and fun. Sounds like Christmas to me. 20-Dec-2024
Ultimatum, The (2024) 

I get anxious whenever I hear Sandy's voice. She sounds like a spoiled housewife with a lozenge stuck in her throat and her reasoning for everything is ludicrous. I was disappointed that the Lacheys did not comfort Nick for having strong feelings about Sandy's infidelity. She claims that her and JR only kissed twice but cameras beg to differ. There were make-out sessions with extra cuddles under the sheets with no wet willies or stiff underwoods guaranteed and the bedbugs elicited the moans the cameramen thought they heard. Madame Web has spun her web and entrapped two gullible and dependent men in it. She is no victim. She likes them because they are not superheroes but think they are. I'm surprised the Lacheys didn't suggest JR whip out his dick for Nick (not Lachey) to suck. They humiliated that man mercilessly. Sandy brings out the toxic in me. TG it's almost over. Everything JR says is nonsense. Big men don't pretend they're on Fantasy Island on Max, don't want to get married but can't shut up about wanting it and oozes hostility when the jig is up. Is Zaina buying JR's love or paying for her exit? I still dig Caleb. He's the only one who tried to stand up to reason. His mystery deepens. He exists in his own little planet of misfit toys crashing onto earth. He acts like an over-chilled teen that mommy Mariah is afraid to disappoint because he will rebel and she'll have to have sex post relationship. When the original couples reunited it turned into a "how was school today, honey?" type scenario. After cashing in all the vouchers the producers promised them, every person was enlightened, the fairy tale is real, men never get woodies while cuddling, that bitch was not crying over her dog or JR, women are consumed by victimhood, asshole parents make asshole children who want to make more asshole children, the producers made them say that because 4 people thought the show was shit and this has been a turned-off season. 13-Dec-2024
Zaina and J.R. came to play. Neither has regard for the other or anybody else. Sandy came to annoy her lover and fuck hot shit. J.R. disrespected every man when he barred his fake wife from consoling her desperate husband after finding out their intimacy went too far. Morality clauses state that all couples must break up before embarking in new matrimony. Nick came to lose it, get free psychotherapy and nerve pills. Caleb's mellow puts me in a trance and it's why I presume Mariah is well-spoken but blank. He turns them into robots. He's sexy until he starts re-programming you. He turned Aria into a Stepford. 4 people woke up and realized the madness of The Lacheys and abruptly departed like in the island of Dr. Moreau. Exactly how many other people did the Lacheys fuck to realize they belong together? After the contestants departed the show became insecure and gave us more of what we didn't want. J. R. and Sandy's horny gas lighting. I want to fuck them both and hand them over to Pazuzu for some lady cement and calf extensions. You bet I'd watch the porn tape, but make no mistakes these aren't marrying candidates. They want to get married so they can pretend to be happy whilst performing diabolical sexual acts on others. J.R. and Sandy deserve most unfeeling humans honors. Nick should have been given an ultimatum, to cruise establishments that cater to singles and find another match or the experiment is over for the whore. "J.R., please remove your dick from my future wife's face." 08-Dec-2024
Subservience (2024)

It adds enough to the genre to make it interesting but it doesn't supply enough tech or empathetic reasoning to make it a classic. Ms. Fox is a royal maximizer of presence and a soulless entity suits her well. Michelle Morone made me want to go to the bathroom and jerk off to straight italian porn. Madeline Zima played a thankless role that depended solely on her likability and that's better than nothing. The movie satisfied but didn't satiate. More tech or more sex would have knocked it towards art park. No budget for more tech means they would have to physically create it. So, create it. Hubby would have become addicted to robot sex because that's what men do. "I only fucked her a few hundred times, sweetie. I was practicing for when you got your heart back. I didn't want to disappoint you." 09-Dec-2024
Merry Men, The (2024)

There's more than stupidity going on here. The cast is amiable and hardworking. Britt is a misdiagnosed charmer. Prattes legs were mesmerizing, it's fun to see old witches again, Maxwell Caulfield's moment was a go daddy thing, Chad Michael Murray had the body, the robotics, enthusiasm and Farrah's hair. They derailed the "hate at first love" train and depicted how people really get together. I didn't stay for the pancakes but I waited for the bacon. Merry whatever the fucks! 25-Nov-2024
Deadpool and Wolverine (2024)

If I were a dog, I'd lick them all. 18-Nov-2024
Bad Moon, The (1996)

As soon as I realized the original material centered around a pet beast, my mind started to baton twirl. Thor was the title and the name of the dog. But, the movie is about a werewolf, a mother and son, or is it? Mariel Hemingway was peak star watt that carried the weight of the movie's heart. The son is there to make the dog look good. Michael Pare was a one-time specimen that carried out his mission like a rebellious animal. Romance violently exits in the first 10 minutes, a brother/sister/uncle dynamic takes its place, Thor was the best actor and the transformation didn't suck. Man vs beast has been re-re-written so they tried something else. How does a dog protect his family when uncle is the king of canines and the myth rules don't apply? 05-Nov-2024
Curse Of The Necklace, The (2024)

Everyone and everything is on the cusp, elements are appreciated and nonsense can be fun. 30-Oct-2024
Don't Move (2024)

How does a suicidal woman survive when faced with danger? She puts her life-training to use because it's not death on her terms. Kelsey and Finn jelled. He rang a Hal Cooper bell. Suspense was tight and empathetic. We are in throughout the main's survival journey. Same'o circumstances upgraded. 28-Oct-2024