Movies Posts Tagged as 'Crapfun'
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Super Mario Bros. (2023)

A rush of good memories that sweetly explode in your mouth. 26-Jul-2023
Fear In The Night (1972)

Angelic training makes a wife susceptible to malice because they are mentally unstable. Legends of art accelerated the drama. The table turn was sweet and the film wasn't a horrible waste of time. 22-Jul-2023
F4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (2007)

I'm not sure but I think they neutered the Silver Surfer. I remember having seen the film during it's time and I noticed one. I don't forget crotches. The whole feels cheaper. Johnny lost his appeal and became vapid. Sue Storm continued to be listless and unheroic with a crappy blonde wig. Kerry Washington's blind brick lover was under-appreciated. The Thing was sort of plastic. Mr. Fantastic's powers were mostly comic relief and unbelievable. When Torch gains extra powers, it's fun but when "you know who" returns as Dr. Doom all is gloom. Galactus was a no-show because nobody knew how to incorporate a bigger thing than god into the real world. Really? A Galactus that was bigger than Thanos sitting on a throne commanding his slave, Silver Surfer, to destroy so he could feed, is brilliant. 17-Jul-2023
65 (2023)

Dinosaurs are tired, saving a girl that can take care of herself is trope and the science fiction wasn't specifically satisfactory. How many bullets does that one gun have? Why did the girl use all of the bombs? The dinosaurs are typical with little variation. There isn't much more that film can say or do about/to dinosaurs. We know everything. Most action sequences placed me in another's movie with no respect for originality yet it struck as a future cult film. 09-Jul-2023
Babysitter, The (1969)

The wife, the babysitter, the lesbian daughter and her friends are fucking up daddy's high profile murder case. (Father is the assistant district attorney.) The parents are nearing retirement, they have a habit of filling 24 hour schedules so they don't have to look deeply at each other. His wife won't give him any because she has a 6 month old baby. It appears she didn't want another one. She hires a babysitter every night. The babysitter is a groovy chick that understands the dynamics of life. She also understood what men wanted from her. Daddy was a man whose lack of family appreciation drives him to free himself, return to earth and gain some respect. 07-Jul-2023
Fright (1971)

It predated classics that trumped it. It was a template for the future. It was also a piece of junk. It was a film full of ideas that had to bombastically announce them. Michael Myers lived in a multi-verse where Laurie Strode "is" his sister. He kidnaps her, a baby, rapes her in front of the child and recoils until he's horny again. Did she give birth to Michael Myers, Jr. from multi-verse Halloweens? There was a glimmer of Joker's "dance with the devil" choreography. It made babysitting a shitty job. The privileged are forced to hire child haters. The child was adorable even when being manhandled by all sorts of creepy adults. The house is where you want to film it, Susan George didn't need to act and everybody needed to tone it down. 04-Jul-2023
Airport 1975 (1974)

Charlton Heston played a super cowboy that had no time for women frivolities. His frivolity is mad at him because all he ever wants is sex. Karen Black is the girl who gets fucked a lot because she loves a man that wont commit. Wait until she sees what happens to the plane. Karen Black was naturally unhinged, vocal, a badge of courage under unwilling circumstances and an extra effect. She battled both sides of her conscience making it jittery. What it lacks in effects, it makes up for with tension. Gloria Swanson was onboard to play herself, Norma Desmond. Linda Blair was paid to lay down and listen to lesbian folk songs. George Kennedy returned to bark. Erik Estrada played a married horny pig. Christopher Norris was sparkly. The male comics were silly. TG disaster struck. 31-May-2023
M3GN (2022)

When pristine horror gets blood splattered, it resonates. AI has become a substitute for jobs that were once revered by the original occupant. Humans. Live shows, movies, tv, music, computers, phones, news, robots, etc. Each performance shaping the community they want to live in. M3GN has many faults but protecting a child was a built-in priority. A grieving child with no parents, structure or stability will succumb to the charms of a robot if you make her look and act like a best friend. Aunty creates M3GN and other incredibly expensive robotic toys that probably belong in a mansion. Her new invention is going to cure parenting and loneliness... moving the child farther away from a heart beat. M3GAN is a beautiful creation, maneuvered rightly, timed perfectly and a show stopper. The more M3GN claimed the child the more motherly aunty became. Flaws can be overlooked when the value of entertainment is so high. Perfectly cast and remembered. Fun as fuck! I wished she had killed more. As long as creator and monster are liable, human parenting will diminish. I am one of those children. My mother's name was television. I'm sure somebody's heard of her. 22-May-2023
Adam Had Four Sons (1941)

It zipped through chapters as if only one page was allowed for each. They wasted Ingrid Bergman's haloed face and Susan Hayward's whiskey voiced bad girl. 19 year old governess develops feelings for a grandpa daddy, his perfect boys and ailing wife. The boys become attached and she becomes like family. She weaves in and out of their lives spanning years of separation. She returns to some really handsome adult sons and never aging grandpa for no reason other than a promise and bottled up hope. The brothers are fighting the war and a brother has brought a disruption into their home. Susan Hayward is that thing that keeps it chaotic while laughing about it. I didn't know it was a custom, in the 1900's, for women to kiss men on the mouth willy nilly. It was so ahead of its time I couldn't stop laughing. She made out with grandpa or any attractive man or boy that looked her way. She marries one, seduces another and maybe another until it becomes deadly. It squeezed too much history and information to empathize with and the bitch showdown consisted of Ingrid Bergman packing the whore's clothes and maybe shoving her down the stairs. 20-Apr-2023
Another Man's Poison (1951)

Bette's 50s era was full of Lady Davis folklore and drag queen reboots. Lady Davis was forced to compete with herself. A worn out hunk has beef with her husband because he foiled a heist and he's being blamed. Bette is at the height of shifty. She parlays her caricature tics to mixed effects. She is over until somebody fucks with her animal. The feelings reeled a barracuda out of her. The camera decided that Bette's gift was mechanical and that the new way was better. They highlighted her flaws and disheveled her tidiness. The disclosures felt possibly true, Bette's messy art was always entertaining but it's a crappy movie. 10-Apr-2023
Big Daddy (1999)

Asinine logistics applied to fatherdom for laughs and guffaws. Its savior is not logic but cuteness. You can cuddle with any of these people except the Russian character. 05-Apr-2023
I See You (2019)

A family is stalked by a presence whilst dealing with infidelity, trust and motherhood. Halfway through, it dishes out answers. We are ready for an anything can happen scenario and it delivers. There were no whys answered but the clues added up. Helen Hunt established intelligence until she was abruptly cut off. Phrogs are homeless people with better digs. The surprises kept coming because we weren't given a fair study of who the characters were. The prequel. 1. Ignore the phrogs. Expose the emotions that catapulted the insanity. 2. Rewind. 3. Study what the characters knew. 4. Fuck phrogs! 28-Mar-2023
Sins Of The Mother (1991)

Can a mother take responsibility for her son's incapacity to succeed and his desire to violently hurt women like her? Elizabeth Montgomery plays a respected community buyer that doesn't like anyone sullying her corrupt family name. The son has mother issues. She's abrasive and always disruptive. She thinks that if he listened to her that he would become a responsible man. Her son doesn't know how to act like a man because his mother didn't bestow him many survival skills. Beauty, abeyance, avarice and good manners are the best of the few. She approves of nothing the man does or fucks except when she wants to make out with him. The man's anger issues come with. Elizabeth's mother doesn't click until the end when she stops practicing and becomes. She came in eager like Serena and exited like Elizabeth, the good bitch. Dale Midkiff's son was gifted looks to hide his nuts. He didn't have to fake much. There is good cast support. It jams a lot of information that hampered the complexity of the characters but law and order held. 18-Mar-2023
Better Watch Out (2016)

Well-done horror camp concerning a teen babysitting a 12 year old with a crush. An invasion brings forth her motherly instincts and nicely shot panic. Madsen and Warburton were joyous. When the film jumps outside the box, it stalls. It stalls because it didn't have the nerve to enact the obvious. I would've screamed for that. 16-Mar-2023
Hush (1998)

Jessica Lange tortures Gwyneth Paltrow because she can. Unfortunately, not enough to qualify for Mommie Dearest status. The editing is abrasive and the film has the confidence of a TV movie from the 80s. Schaech is a floral centerpiece and the ladies work it but the movie is melodramatic. 10-Mar-2023