Movies Posts Tagged as 'Crapfun'
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Babysitter, The (2017)
I watched it at its time but I was so smashed that the next day I couldn't remember enough to review it. Puberty boy realizes his carnal urge for queen sex is life-preserving and destructive. Samara Weaving serves Harley Quinn gusto, Robbie Amell is humdinger stripper/killer/rapist, Bella Thorne tears it like a beauty pageant winner, Hana Mae Lee slices and dices and the babies are sweet. The irrational violence is its humor and its perverted violence is its soul. The kills may be cannon but revenge is sweet. 16-Sep-2020
Beyond White Space (2018)
The inclination to watch was always interrupted by its gaming inspired poster. It looked like something you would play not watch. Obviously, it's description and my boredom tuned us in.
After decimating earth the next boost for humanity is to fuck up space. Away we go with pirates, thieves, anarchists, loveless, lawless and hopeless. Fun fact: I did not know space had crabs and no gays. The monsters are CGI identified on a two sided coin. The dialogue is full of those chemicals we don't want on our meat, the actors eating corn would have had the same effect and the director/editor stumbled by premeditating everything about to occur. The action sequences are as inspired as a preview before a game that never starts. 28-Aug-2020
No budget for a decent stage play less a good film but it has substantial ideas for us to ponder. Wifey woke awakens to sudden glam because daddy could do better inherited it. She is not comfortable commanding staff, feels it is beneath the help's heritage and fires them. (It's a mansion.) After an unreasonable time of daddy doing all the hard work he schemes to get her a robot. (Gay holler at the male choice.) The film does not succeed in creating the perfect robot but it creates the illusion of the perfect being. The explanation for maintaining robot/human boundaries is to not reach hoover or vibrator status or worse, love. The daddies whipped strenuous body muscle, the threesome was a two sided tango, the twist was great and it deserves off-off broadway respect. A tighter story and better effects would a Hollywood blockbuster make. 17-Aug-2020
Kissing Booth 2 (2020)
Silly girl thinks the world orbits only after she blows on it. Heroine enforces her stance by diminishing what boys think if it interferes with what she wants. Latino heart throbs with a curl, besties squish like girls, the gays are allowed to speak but of educators they peep and "anger issues" squishes with a little less muscle but enough to fuck a foreign miss. Its frivolous corn syrup contesting manhood. 10-Aug-2020
Hobbs and Shaw (2019)
Action daddypalooza. It's about a virus that hints at corona which means the celebration is anticlimactic? The godly Samoan took to criticism and calmed his macho down. The squirt squirted sweet juice and super daddy accent rode it like Harry Potter on a broom. All plane sequences worked. I liked the conversation between the three on the plane and the action amongst the clouds took me to flight. The Rock admitted his shortcomings, the kicker provided sharp flare and street daddy gobbled all the cowboy tech limited by budget. Most of the action felt cartoony, some of the action felt inspired but mostly the action fulfilled what a disposable master would authorize. We must stop announcing "badass." It's not something you know, its something you are. Men will never be mothers but they can front the criticism. The writer needs to allow us to judge them. 09-Aug-2020
Once You Kiss A Stranger (1969)
Strangers on a Train stop at Fatal Attraction. Carol Lynley is a Peter Pan wet dream that never relents. She scares children with harpoon guns, she brawls with pet cats and she threatens old people with off-color gossip, death fascinations and frequent visits. Her mental health is homicidal. Ms. Lynley unbinds from daddy adoration and shakes her personal hate towards everyone. The daddies have expiration dates and are being coerced into reclaiming #1 status or lose thoughts of ever having a "good time,"again. Once an unknown pixie enters a married man's hotel room with her nightie on, he's fucked. The tribute is soaped up and spread out, the stunts are hilarious and the actors don't lose a beat. It stings and entertains, like mexican candy. 29-Jul-2020
Mask, The (1994)
A movie that succeeds in spite of its inanity. The effects still impress. Jim Carrey's comedic chaos mimic and Cameron Diaz' unflinching bombshell elevate it. 02-Jul-2020
Third Day, The (1965)
Can a man become an enlightened human if an accident causes him amnesia? Not if your mug is still wanted for murder.
George Peppard is grand business daddy, never demurring from blankness while still eliciting great face.
Elizabeth Ashley was privileged bitch wife, with an redemptive opportunity for love and a zestful beauty of another.
Sally Kellerman knew how to turn it on and shut men down.
Mona Washbourne elicited comic wit relief and parental heartbreak.
Roddy McDowell. The best cocksucker in Hollywood actually had other talents.
Arte Johnson crept trying to put a creepy face on a "love me" persona.
Music. It sounded like every summer blockbuster score rolled into one.
It's sumptuously over, to guiltily enjoy. 11-May-2020
Humanoids From The Deep (1980)
Cis sea monsters killing dogs, children and men so they can rape the women. It's pure schlock, WTF and astounding they pulled it off. I was less hesitant to watch because it was helmed by a woman. A woman, Barbara Peeters, would never exploit it. She handles her task, dons a penis cap for the shots and switches to thinking emotion about circumstances. She navigated like a pro. The fight scenes turned out hilarious but the racism, kills and rapes were sharp. All sexes, breeds and races shared the heroism.
(What were these people eating then? Their hair looked terrific.) 08-May-2020
Annabelle Comes Home (2019)
The paranormals are lousy parents for enshrining evil in their home, the girl scare torture is kicky and the doll is a creepmeister. 21-Apr-2020
Attack Of The Fifty Foot Woman (1958)
Frantic housewife contracts gigantism whilst anguishing about her husband's sexual fluidity. It's a feminist turn that unite the men against her. The Efx burn due to age but also because the star "hand" was atrocious and the giants were transparent sometimes and not others. I rather they hadn't. A man will allow a woman to have big ideas as long as they don't go to her head. 12-Apr-2020
Dead Kids (Strange Behavior) - (1981)
Controlling kids for kills. Bursting with ideas that the master had no idea how to cohesively cobble together. The kills are interesting because they are clumsy like real life. Fiona Lewis' donut bun steals the whole thing. 18-Mar-2020
Piece of shit about a Charlie's angel being possessed by a spiteful demon. The spiteful demon is a woman that accepts no bullshit from a man and punishes him dearly for it. I see no reason to destroy her. She's today's woman. When Bobbie Bresee's Playboy playmate regresses to her childhood trauma like Sally Field in "Sybil," it was brilliant hilarity. LaWanda Page provoked hee haws. A lot of the film is laughable and ridiculous. It's a piece of shit that entertains.
A cleanup might do it good. 13-Mar-2020
I Kill Giants (2017)
She kills giants and she's not afraid of them but then proceeds to quiver and weep at the thought. Having little girls spew superhero corn is cringey and embarrassingly hilarious. The girl on girl was tender but the titular was a smoky abstract. I was a bit confused by the giants. Why kill something that hands such good life advice upon victory or is that the point? Are they fortune cookies? 09-Mar-2020
It's a waste of a title. Young couple break-in to a wacko family home and tables get turned. If the key to the story is madness why not explain it understandably so we can ponder it. They borrowed it, splattered it and hoped for the best. All actors were on game but Skarsgard's talent magnet pulls you in. He's an intrepid bloke. 06-Mar-2020