It begins with family authenticity, struggling to keep current and afloat. Super reality sets in and the tingles begin. Oh no! It's going to be bonkers. The cast resolves it. I wasn't sure if the husband was Jackie Chan. I spent a lot of the time being jealous of how young he looked. It was driving me crazy. He can't be, right? When he utilized the master's moves, I thought, that's definitely Jackie Chan. It's a tribute to him and Michelle Yeoh as action heroes but why does he look so fucking young? Terrific surgery perhaps? Ke Huy Quan is as adorable now as he was as a kid in a Spielberg classic. The man was precise. To Lady Yeoh, we gently bow. Stephanie Hsu had fun being all iterations of evil because we had fun too. Jamie Lee Curtis was gnarly. James Hong added his queerisms. The film threw as many cliches as it did new ideas. A win win for art. A film that wipes its imperfections with glorious shots of legends reacting to wonder and giving us soul. 27-Nov-2022

The idea of renting a house from senior landlords living on the property, in the 70s, to shoot a secret porn film plays ludicrously. It opens stinking of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and ends up vomit. This is an auteur's movie. The porn they were creating was supposed to be art. It was another porn stinker. 2 hours of three girls and a cock. The film would've played better as background for orgies. Seniors were represented as Tales From The Crypt old. Ick. Fear of getting old and losing control of sex and the joys that come with it. It stopped smelling like Chainsaw as soon as it tasted like Jaws and went down like Friday the 13th Part Three in 3D. 25-Nov-2022

The good news: LL got her mojo back, the bad news: it's a stinker.

Oops, this is the poster for the sequel. 18-Nov-2022

The most enchanting thing about both films is Amy. When her magic is at full tilt, production continues her flow. Dempsey was saddled with a silly storyline and a "send him away" type direction. Women and men no longer want to fight together. It's women's turn to die for what they believe in. Marsden is a pro at acting douchy but cute. Gabriella was just right. Maya stopped fussing and was funny again. The music was almost but it felt like there was an intruder interrupting the grandeur. Some of the songs are juvenile. Idina Menzel wrecking her throat's gift on shitty songs is a never. They made her sing "Let It Glow," again and again. Her magnificent voice gets a full moon. Amy's everything makes you hungry for more. Suburbia works as a stand-in for a magical life but once true magic coaxes itself into reality the ink starts to dry. They gave no magic equations or rules of limitations that we could realistically follow. What kind of magic is in Andalucia? Why did the queen gain power? Is Andalucia in Wakanda? None of the above. They gave no rules because they didn't want to have to follow them. Dude, that's when the best art is created! Full moon to the production in front and back and a boo hoo to the writers for not coming up with something more substantial to say. 18-Nov-2022

A child fasts to appease god and clear her family of their sins. Faith, in the hands of a child, can be a destructive thing. Pugh remains on, for the duration, as an investigative nurse that wants to clear the bullshit. The director keeps us trapped and enrapt. You can only fight a fable by trading it for another. Well done. 17-Nov-2022

Entertainment has wrung art dry. The artists are burdened with inciting memories of great historical art and erasing them, lest the audience think they pilfered them to bring a manipulative story to the screen. You can tell the director was probably very cool headed because a household with that much violent disarray would include more horrific things. Marsh girl would have turned out a creature less human instead of a starving foreign exchange student. Daisy Edgar Jones flattens the character by not bringing star charm to a mimicking portrayal. See Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue. Even when they couldn't act, they glowed with excitement and saved a crappy movie. Her ascension to sophistication is questionable. Either her mother had a great wardrobe or girl was doing something besides chucking clams. Also, why didn't she just eat the clams? The owners of the grocery store were inspired by a very special episode of "Little House On The Prairie" featuring the blacks. A little wild girl living all alone in the swamp would attract a lot of perversion. She couldn't read but she picked up on romance real quick. She flew into her "first" kiss. How did she know? What kind of nice daddy was hers before he booked? Why was she surprised to experience Tate Walker's natural findings in the swamp? Wouldn't she have discovered it whilst being the swamp? The crime and the courtroom boredom that follows had me eye rolling. The film is a cheer for womanhood but not art. It's a facsimile. I wanted to feel something. I am a man, after all. The ending knocked it out of the park but so did Harris Dickinson, to no avail. 16-Nov-2022

Olivia Wilde has a frazzled mind. She mixes a Long Island iced tea that goes down smoothly but fast. You get drunk, start getting dizzy, the room is spinning when one shot of a tight Stepford update would have sufficed. Too many ingredients that make you throw up because they clash. All the actors were directed to up it. It works for Harry Styles because he's stiff. Chris Pine was already notched up when the director asked for more. Not. Florence Pugh astounded me. Her acting was like a light switch at a storage locker facility. On and off, unexpectedly. The story was aching for calm but we kept getting those "Ring" type edits that destine you to early death. A beautiful sight by a practicing director that needs a chill pill. 08-Nov-2022

A very soft policeman. Harry Styles keeps it monotone and unenthusiastic. He pants oddly during blowjobs and he can't kiss for shit. His "s's" and "t's" were so crisp that I thought his accent was fake. I wanted to shake him. I came in the first few minutes and never got a hardon again. I felt like leaving so many times but felt obligated to stay. We prefer to talk about our olden times instead of setting a better path with a real story from today. We can be honest about the past without it burning us in the present. The laws have changed but we have not. It's 50s Britain, where cops live in Tarduses, aging twinks can become cops, twink cops get picked up by perverts and an innocent girl trashes her entire life so her husband and their bff can enjoy gay sex. Emotions run cold. Everything is so quiet and unassuming that you sometimes believe one of the lovers might be serial. P.S.: gays are only miserable at the end of their lives, all else is just fun. 05-Nov-2022

I would have preferred The Cage to the Chalk Line because the english title sounds like a gimmick used to limit production costs. The director accommodated the mood, the actors stood in place but its details provided little depth. I know the what but not the why. The script was written on a typewriter/tik tok adding machine with limited credit. 29-Oct-2022

The angel of death is serving the ill and forgotten whilst deciding which deserves to stay amongst us. Lady Chastain introduces the audience to her pain, which we inhale and feel 'til the very end. Asomugha and Emmerich teamed up nicely. Hot boy proving he can investigate using his brain and Daddy Emmerich twitching the way I like. The cast didn't miss a beat, the story was tight, the procession, intriguing and the recapture well plated. Lord Redmayne spends a lot of the time hiding from view because that is how the angel of death would appear at work. Do a great job, kill them with kindness, keep history mum, don't be popular but make one sucker friend and kill up to a 1000 people. I couldn't believe that Redmayne would play a killer so controlled and unassuming until he outrants Ledger's Joker at the police station. I was inhaling Jessica's air when he punched me in the gut. Nice. 27-Oct-2022

If the monster hadn't resembled a street prank, I would have talked more about it. Blood is anemic. 13-Oct-2022

The film has the emotional impact of attending a stranger's funeral, the fright of an Easter coloring book and the sense of none. There isn't enough thread to hold the story together. 12-Oct-2022

The dinos are stunning and grandiose, the familiar faces are warm, whatever stole Chris Pratt's mojo ain't giving it back and Bryce Dallas Howard would have stolen the whole shebang had someone written in a Tammy Faye Bakker impression. The movie confirms that in order to save the planet, we must die. (You didn't think we were sacrificing for us or our children, did you?) 11-Oct-2022

Women commanding the gates of hell with a distorted Vogue look. The story is simple, shoots straight and pummels. Beauty is desecrated, the mind becomes distorted, anyone can be a sacrifice and the victims can fight back. The box has personality, the characters supply empathy and the deaths are nerve rackingly clever. Make-up, costume and effects wowed. A lady Pinhead origin story with lots of sex and violence would be most welcome. 09-Oct-2022

By eliminating all references to sex, the film loses its soul and inspiration. Sex is a fact and a trigger. If the creative team can't comply with artistically and forcefully presenting it, it isn't a cautionary tale. We need to talk about the burden god leant us. Over and over. Ben Savage is in kiddie acting mode and gives the monster, no quirks, edges or history. What made this idiot? Abby was an athlete and in top shape. Why didn't she fight more? Why was his violence directed at things he built and not Abby? Masters don't change beating styles. If they hit you on the first date, they will hit you every time esp. if no one can hear you. Erica Durance beautifully played a withering mother and deserves to be in courageous art. According to this film, teen gets kidnapped by craziness because he is lonely, likes her hair, kissed her once over tape and she's weak. They spent the rest of the time bonding. Lots of reading, cooking, getting spoiled, playing board games, sleepovers, hugging but no sex. It sounds like summer camp if you're ugly. There is not much here to make a teen tremble and aware esp. when the imagination can create worst things by hearing the facts on the news. 09-Oct-2022