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All Posts Tagged as 'Dialogue Lament'

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Wasteland, The (2021) Bites

I can't identify with a child that wakes his parents up so daddy can walk him to the latrine which is terrifyingly one block away. To piss. Why didn't he just piss in any corner of the house except where mama hangs laundry? It debates whether parents should compromise a boy's sensitivity by forcing him to become a man if the times deem it necessary. It's a future where woke people are forced to eat animals named Fluffy to survive. Suicidal grandpa daddy grants himself an early reprieve by getting a conscious in between bouts of "I don't give a shit! and "I want to die!" Daddy did not deserve a vacation. Mother madness is spooky with minimal slaps and torture towards children. She did good with killing animals, though. I didn't understand it. "The monster is made of trees, branches and bad lighting, maybe. You imagined the whole thing. You're just like us. Nuts." The child riled us up but the director couldn't give us a reason for any of it. 08-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Coincidence Laden, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Foreign: Spanish, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Wit Crack, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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08-Jan-2022


Lost Daughter, The (2021) Bites

A Karen gets flashbacks of her maternal discord and cheating ways when she spots a young Karen with the same problems while vacationing. The whole shebang is weird and nonsensical. Maggie Gyllenhaal's direction made me dislike Olivia Colman's acting method. I love Olivia Colman. Don't show me Olivia Colman's acting method, show me her acting. Director did not appreciate the beautiful creature Lady Colman is. That's all. 03-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Fatigue, Preposterous, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Tedium, Weird, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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03-Jan-2022


tick, tick...BOOM! (2001) Whimper

Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bio, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Gay Swatch, Music Murders, Musical, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Ugly Art, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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24-Dec-2021


Being The Ricardos (2021) WhimperEarly Exit

I exited before any more of my brain cells died. Not all geniuses are meant to portray geniuses. Nicole doesn't squeak enough or husk enough. She couldn't pick an accent from Lucy's bountiful history to make us believe she was Lucille Ball. Nicole is an Australian model failing as a moll bride. Lucy cracked and she bellowed. Ridiculousness was her class and experience was her wisdom. Nicole understood neither. Javier may be a fuckable specimen on his own accord but Desi wasn't that heavily accented or pitiable. Daddy needed some voodoo guidance. Aaron Sorkin placed the blame on Lucy. Fuck you! 22-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Bio, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Early Exit, False Action, Fatigue, Preposterous, Relationships, Sad, Trashy, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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22-Dec-2021


Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) Arf

Kong vs. Kardashians. 10-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, By the Numbers, Dialogue Lament, Oncer, Over the Top, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt

Filed under: Movies

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10-Jul-2021


Woman In The Window (2021) Whimper

A cheap thriller receiving attention because an acting powerhouse is in it. Production invited stellar actors to deliver supporting one notes. Why bother? The writers and director are faulted for having no perceptive style and for thinking that hiding and boo is the only adult scare tactic. I would have fired them, handed the camera to Amy and told the actors to wing it. 21-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Good Acting, Over the Top, Preposterous, Repetitive, Star Watt, Thriller, Timid

Filed under: Movies

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21-May-2021


Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) Bites

Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.

Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Inactivity, Over the Top, Political, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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14-May-2021


Deadly Illusions (2021) Whimper

Kristin Davis helms an asinine parent who hires a vibrant and stainless nanny to temporarily raise her children whilst she finishes her novel. With the children occupied, mama is able to walk the town freely, jump naked in the pool, smoke cigars, drink and get her labia lip smacked by a teenaged nanny. The sex isn't for exploration. It's cold and unimportant because the sex tease is an excuse to keep us interested and fooled. The nanny spends as much time with the kids as the parents. Where the fuck were those kids? Daddy exists to spill his juice and to pantomime what a real man looks like. It all culminates like "Fatal Attraction" trash with old daddy fighting for his life in a shower, wearing only a towel. Embarrassingly funny. 23-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Camp, Crapfun, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Lesbian, Mystery, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Weird, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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23-Mar-2021


Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999) Whimper

I went retro and revisited some films that weren't to my liking. If it weren't for Lucas magic this film would be one of the worst. The child. Poor thing. No training, no soul. I would have skipped to the Superboy years one second after the awesome pod race. Liam Neeson didn't seem taken by the force. The words meant nothing to him. It was a job. MacGregor's head moved stiffly and he looked like he cracked up before and after many line readings. Jar Jar Binks was created by party people with no exceeding limits. I watched him drunk and still found him annoying. Natalie Portman must have looked blankly at countless fake CGI things because she applied it to humans as well. The voice she inflected was cockamamie and infectious. Yoda isn't as cute as The Child. At all. Blathering old idiot. Robes don't flow in saber fights and future love relations are not impactful if one babysat the other. The director worked beyond the force. The fans publicly cheered while quietly sighing. Darth Maul was a pocket. It makes a good game but not a good film. 02-Feb-2021

Tags: 1990s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Director Insanity, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Over the Top, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Tedium, Timid, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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02-Feb-2021


Fantasy Island (2020) Bites

Michael Pena is not a suave sexy latin charmer. I thought he was going to play Tattoo, running around in a baby cart yelling "the plane, the plane." Maggie Q exuded the elegance of a legend but had no chemistry with her token black family. Lucy Hale, sporting a disconcerting schnauzer cut, was too much. It was a total disrespect of a shitty show that entertained. 12-Jan-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Conspiracy Theory, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, False Action, Fatigue, Grating, Manipulation, Predictable, Preposterous, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Tacky

Filed under: Movies

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12-Jan-2021


We Can Be Heroes (2020) Bites

It's a kid's film. There are kids in it. It looks like candy. It's stupid. You mean brilliant stupid? No I mean silly stupid. 29-Dec-2020

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Art Devoid, Baby Wrecks, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Coincidence Laden, Comedy, Conspiracy Theory, Corn, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Grating, Over the Top, Political Satire, Preposterous, Revenge, Sad Effects, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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29-Dec-2020


Christmas Project, The (2016) Whimper

The adventures of future supremacists as they waft through their own battlefield of family traditions and alpha bullying. The parents are ditzoids driving their children to partake of a Christmas tradition called Elving. You leave presents on the doorsteps of needy/hopeless families everyday until Christmas. The town bullies are on the roster this year. The tween female interest cements hardons and impels macho competitions. She looks 20 while the boys look 8. Reality rarely sneaks in and there is no character to get attached to. I pictured future supremacist twink getting married in prison to his alpha bully supreme as he forever pays black fit homeless grand daddies with raspy voices for some sugar. The kindly school bus driver was black. 25-Dec-2020

Tags: 2010s, Brutal, Camp, Comedy, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Holiday, Mean Spirited, Tacky, Twinkie, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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25-Dec-2020


Home For The Holidays (1995) Whimper

Rabid family holiday. Foster's mind is a jumble. Flamboyantly directed, fussed over and disrespected. Robert Downey Jr.'s gay brother flitted about like a crazed woodpecker perching and flapping uncontrollably to our discomfort and limited endurance. Giving a cute girl the sniffles for the entirety of a film is not romantic or sexy. It's a family home visit without the drinks. Where's the fun in that? 05-Dec-2020

Tags: 1990s, Brutal, Camp, Comedy, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Grating, Holiday, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Weird, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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05-Dec-2020


Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) Bites

Surprise. Eliminating Hank Azaria as Gargamel does not make a Smurf franchise better. Besides being objectified, gangbanged and being a procreator, Smurfette is confused about her purpose. She goes on an unenviable adventure to find herself amid little care from the audience. The best stories do not have big bang adventures. They stay close to home so we can empathize with them. Girl Smurf explores and becomes at Lesbian Forest but returns to Smurf Village for the bangs. Sounds about right. 09-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action Stomper, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Fantasy, Fatigue, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Tacky, Vague, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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09-Nov-2020


Last Christmas (2019) Whimper

The mother of dragons goes goofy and messy to the legendary tunes of George Michael. Emilia Clarke leads with little sense. She's on a hurtful journey that should have been poignant but is annoying. Henry Golding is hot daddy giant with a glass wall constantly in front of him. Michelle Yeoh (Santa indeed) captivates with elegance, deliciousness and talent. Every actor was directed to pitch to the back audience as if it were a play. No need for that in a film. We don't want it corny but a little less cranky, maybe. Christmas is saturated with lights, the word Jesus in small letters are bountiful and the repetition of a song George Michael would resuscitate from to kill, dominates. There were so many beautiful things the director could have applied to Michael's music but decided basic was better. The ending is a surprising memorable copout. The lead character is insane. 05-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Comedy, Crapfun, Cultural, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Elegance, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Music Swings, Preposterous, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Tacky, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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05-Nov-2020




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