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All Posts Tagged as 'Slow'

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Fear Street Part 3: 1666 (2021) Whimper

Mythology overload. Lesbian witches are a creation of man's impotence and disregard for boundaries. The curse is complimentary. 21-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Drama, Gay, Horror, Preposterous, Silly, Slow

Filed under: Movies

Permalink

21-Jul-2021


Raya & The Dragon (2021) WhimperEarly Exit

The message of the film is "all men suck!" 14-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Animate, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Early Exit, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Preposterous, Shrill Act, Silly, Slow, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

Permalink

14-Jul-2021


Goodnight, Mommy (2014)  Howl

Mother returns home after cosmetic surgery. She is burdened with twin boys, bandaged, tired, snarly and in need of recuperation. The boys are lonely and constantly interrupting her beauty rest which makes her upset and overreactive. The boys become convinced that the woman hiding under the bandages is not their mother. She's more violent than usual. The boys test her extensively and unbearably. They want to prove she's a fraud. "Misery" mayhem is top notch, direction has balls and the cast is deadly. 17-Jun-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Best In Foreign, Best In Horror, Brutal, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Art, Drama, Foreign, Funny, Sort of, Good Idea, Great Acting, Horror, Mystery, Scary, Slow, Suspense, Thriller, Tough, Violent, Weird, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

Filed under: Movies

Permalink

17-Jun-2021


Nest, The (2020) Arf

American family encounters alienation when they move to England to satisfy Daddy's whim. Daddy is a financial security risk who thinks that success lays in places not people, momma is stuck climbing a mental hill on repetition, the boy is spooked by his surroundings and the daughter has a knack for loud music, parties and drugs. Jude Law and Carrie Coon lend strength to a script that takes their characters nowhere. 21-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Drama, Good Acting, Mystery, Relationships, Slow, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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21-May-2021


Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) Bites

Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.

Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Inactivity, Over the Top, Political, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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14-May-2021


Elizabeth Harvest (2018) Whimper

Mad genius harvests wife until she gets it right. Ciaran Hinds does as he looks with no surprises. A better intro to Elizabeth's beginnings might have given the character depth because in the present, she's a dope. Carla Gugino wasted her brilliant cream and Matthew Beard creeped me out. The process of thinking is so wasteful. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Depressing, Disappointment, Fatigue, Horror, Mystery, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Weird, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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14-May-2021


Block Island Sound, The (2020) Bites

Wildlife is dying rapidly, daddy is acting strange, daughter has returned to investigate and brother is losing it. A conspiracy theorist is onboard to tell us what creativity can't show us and another sister joins to hate, mostly her brother. The ending is "WhyTF did I waste my time watching this shit?" 25-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Conspiracy Theory, Depressing, Director Slouch, False Action, Fatigue, Horror, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Vague, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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25-Mar-2021


Nomadland (2020) Woof

How to minimize your carbon footprint by living like a dot. Though well portrayed and explored the film only pulled sadness from me. 19-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Good Acting, Inactivity, Political, Sad, Slow, Star Watt, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

Filed under: Movies

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19-Feb-2021


Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith (2005) Arf

General Grievous is a product of Lucas' craft. The Tech Master hardly disappointed. The fail was foretelling everything before it happened depriving us of emotional surprise and leaning heavily on sap. I thought Hayden was done vomiting. Dude, he had diarrhea and it stank up the whole universe. I replaced him with a young Jack Nicholson. (Jack was dark, charming and a hoot. That laugh.) Unfortunately the saga is reliant on Anakin Skywalker making a satisfying transition to Darth Vader. He does not. I would have put a helmet on that kid halfway through the 2nd film just to avoid the misery. He even infected Natalie Portman. Samuel L. Jackson couldn't give three fucks. Ewan McGregor sported adorable hair, eloquence and force chill. Yoda kicked more ass. Christensen yucked it up! The diarrhea was epidemic. 06-Feb-2021

Tags: 2000s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Bad Acting, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Director Movement, Director's Art, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Relationships, Sap, Slow, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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06-Feb-2021


New Mutants, The (2020) Bites

Caged mutants. It stifles their capabilities and our enjoyment. I want to see them conquer the world that is familiar to us. It takes cues from the Freddy Krueger series, ho humming along and invading the lab rats' nightmares. Big Bad is stale and the action needed some throwback. Misplaced hair is my pet peeve. There's loads of it. The lesbians elicited some heart, Sunspot singed some hard-ons and the rest needed something to believe. So did we. 03-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Comic Book, Crapfun, Director Hands Off Approach, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Inactivity, Oncer, Predictable, Preposterous, SciFi, Sentimental, Shrill Act, Silly, Slow, Stupid Funny, Weird, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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03-Feb-2021


House That Jack Built, The (2018) Whimper

A psychologically misconstrued examination of a serial killer. If Lars had written a legible mental frame for Matt Dillon's psycho, the actor would have been highly praised. The script is basic, ignorant and fucked the space out. Von Trier lingers over every kill like it's a piece of art but all is brutal insanity. The length of the movie exhausts and the ending is an early exit regret. 12-Oct-2020

Tags: 2010s, Brutal, Camp, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Gory, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Porn Violence, Preposterous, Shrill Act, Silly, Slow, Vague, Violent, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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12-Oct-2020


Other, The (1972) Woof

How does a child born to experience early death cope with it? He is half of a thing that has bested him for eternity, a friend social media would fear and the fault that destroys all that's good in his life. They call themselves twins. The psychology is detailed, the children are nastily disturbing, the family's oblivion is exhausting but the origins of a maniac cracks. That a child can come up with such brilliant kills is horrendous. 02-Oct-2020

Tags: 1970s, Chemistry, Cold, Creepy, Director Experiment, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Horror, Inspired, Mean Spirited, Mystery, Slow, Star Watt, Suspense, Tough, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

Permalink

02-Oct-2020