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All Posts Tagged as 'Slow'

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First Omen, The (2024) Whimper

They couldn't follow up the original story so they made shit up. I wanted to see the devil fuck a jackal. In what Walt Disney world is that not possible? It took cues from The Nun without inhabiting what made the original Omen successful. Actors we cared about bringing a terrific book to life. A score that lives in my eternal memory. A director that defined it without judging it. Damien-Omen II's foreboding notes would have given the movie strength and fan base pleasure throughout, if they had thought to use it. 01-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Cold, Horror Mild, Inactivity, Indecipherable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Silly, Slow, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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01-Jun-2024


Ripley (2024-) Whimper

Johnny Flynn did not make me understand why anybody would envy Dickie's life enough to steal it. Dakota Fanning was misused. She never really progressed past her harsh demeanor. She needed the director to shake the professionalism out of her. She was supposed to be the heart and the meat of the story but there was little proof the character had any. I would have air horned her when she couldn't say Dickie with a straight face. Why were the details so repetitive and why did I have to look up Caravaggio to understand what the killer was all about? Because, besides talking to dead people, it's complicated. Inspector Ravini added a shot of testosterone to the murky blunders. He was a beautiful respite from Ripley's underwhelming reactions. Unfortunately, the Lucy episode betrayed him. The idea that Scott could play both characters in front of an expert investigator, whilst sporting a goatee and messy hair and not get found out was a slap in the face of the entire investigation and series. Even Ricky wasn't that stupid. Ripley never got to spaz out. Bummer. Dickie was never pictured in the papers when they thought he was missing and when he was wanted for murder. The cops didn't go door to door with a picture of Dickie asking the hotel clerks if they've seen this man. Why? Woodbine showed up again for no reason other than to fill his quota. He also kept his eyes mostly closed. Comprehension did not seem feasible at that point. 19-Apr-2024
E5. You can't ask a fish to play a canine. Instead of using it's time to add depth to other characters it kept depending on only one artist. It is not feasible that a person of his character would return to the scene of the crime and less feasible that nobody would care. Details that read well were ignorantly distributed. I read the original book, was entertained by the film and remembered it wasn't this boring. 17-Apr-2024
E3. Of course I'm still mad that they didn't supply any crayons for the coloring book but papito's italian accent made up for it. He added finality to certain words and made them linger with musicality. I crinkled half the book joyously laughing. I pinched him and hugged myself. 16-Apr-2024
E2. I'm losing patience. It doesn't matter what spectrum an actor falls into, when asked to play a boy, they better act like one. 14-Apr-2024
E1. Black and white can be a statement, the past and or a representation. Schindler's List was black and white so the violence wouldn't be glamorized and the subject exploited. I have no idea why this interpretation needs to be in black and white. It's insurmountable misery. The ambience is french/italian movies from the 60's that bored or didn't easily make sense. It shouldn't be noir. Paper Moon? The Little Rascals? It's not Hitchcock. If the black participants hadn't kept their eyes open, I wouldn't have noticed them. I recognized Woodbine's name after the credits. Who did he play exactly? Yes, the shadow at the bar. The mystery sweeps, the movement is slow but the leads keep you interested.

(Cutest swimsuit ever!) 13-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Insulting, Lifestyle, Magnetism, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Tedium, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

Filed under: TV

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19-Apr-2024


Poor Things (2023) Arf

Oh. Emma ruined the word squishy for me. 08-Mar-2024
The whore of Frankenstein. The direction was stylish and the visuals were artistic but the script needed punching. The backstory was more interesting than the Frankenstein repeat. I wanted less of that. None of the actors clicked in the setting and Ruffalo's mumbly accent was troubling. TG he got naked. Emma Stone played the recovering retard like anyone would. She was okay but she didn't ignite the fire that would make men want to imprison her. Ramy's wedding pants were awful. I couldn't identify with a woman who is allowed a smooth awakening because she is trapped in a make believe world. She didn't know the value of a dollar, a meal, a man, rent, a closet, bordello gangbangs and logic. Stepping out on the town in lingerie would have been disastrous and mind altering, like in the real world. She is not a hero. She is like every other woman trapped in a setting that a man built. 08-Mar-2024

Tags: 2020s, Bad Acting, Cold, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Horny, Lesbian, Music Swings, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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08-Mar-2024


Tourist, The (2024-) Arf

The climax took too many turns for a villain unworthy of intimidation. The surprise was a good thing with Dornan and Helen shining bright. 13-Feb-2024
S1E4. Well, that was stupid. Dornan and Helen Chambers might have. I hope they did and that he fucked 20 pounds off her just to upstage her husband. 12-Feb-2024
S1E3. Mr. Dorman is no longer overshadowed and he's flexing the muscles he caught our attention with. Eye cognitive thinking was brilliant. I want to share junk food with Helen Chambers and discuss her husband's demise. Luci Miller was obvious. The assassin was the best, a teddy bear and a line dancer that always misses his target. I'm getting anxious. 12-Feb-2024

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Magnetism, Mystery, Psychological, Slow, Star Watt, Static, Thriller, Timid, Wit Crack, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: TV

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13-Feb-2024


Foe (2023) Whimper

The performances were award worthy and the men, ass ripping but the story remained too abstract to give the film much punch. There wasn't enough information about how the outside world worked to care what occurred in small spaces. My brain exploded when Saiorise's character deduced that maybe we were looking down at the sky. That would mean that earth was upside down. I couldn't grasp the idea of looking down to find my blue clouds and sunshine. The end adds it all up but the director did not distribute enough interesting bits throughout. Entertainment was Pet Sematary inspired. 06-Jan-2024

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Oncer, Over the Top, Relationships, SciFi, Sentimental, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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06-Jan-2024


Maestro (2023) Woof

Bradley Cooper is an uncanny Leonard Bernstein. The nose is art even though it makes Bradley nasal. Carey Mulligan is taught and achieving. She is the wife that halts her personal goals to stroke his. The genius is obsessed with calculating music and all boys pretty. The wife accepts and waits. Cooper positions the camera at different angles to add distraction to incomplete scenes. The film intellectualizes its subject and limits its margin. Dialogue is careful not to apply too many emotions to our lead for fear that they may not be true. It also, makes his actions appear nippy. Lovers come in and out of their lives without much exposition except beauty and sex. Mulligan is the film's disposition, Cooper is its center, the cast puts on an haughty appearance, everything is lush but the man remains an enigma. 22-Dec-2023

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Cold, Daddy Squish, Director Experiment, Director's Achievement, Drama, Elegance, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Magnetism, Music Swings, Pretty, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Slow, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

Filed under: Movies

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22-Dec-2023


May December (2023) Whimper

Lack of clarity and character purpose slows a movie about a female child molester. The boy was thirteen, she got caught, went to jail, became pregnant and married the victim. Natalie Portman is the actress that arrives 20 years later to witness the aftermath and understand the feelings involved in a messy woman's choices so she can better portray her in an upcoming film. The couple believes it might bring redemption but it's not clear what Portman's true intentions are. Julianne Moore settles on a safe space where the husband, children and neighborhood are trapped within the woman's bubble of fantasy and control. She never thought she did anything wrong except cheat on her husband. Boy grows up and remembers feelings that were not kosher, his dependence on his wife gives him no place to run to and he needs to blast it to any one that can help him understand. Charles Melton's abused boy is a frozen fuckboy in a bubble of his own that conveyed not much more than the script. Melton pauses and clamps trying to act through something that's keeping him away. The beautiful score is unsettling and builds to nothing. Moore has a few moments, Portman gave us brilliant seconds but the styles never coalesced. The script mumbles and only hints at evoking feeling. When a woman is a victim of abuse, her story is always front and center. If the man is the abuser he has to register as a sex offender, not live by schools or children, be destroyed for life and never be the lead in his own story. Why didn't this victim get the same respect? 03-Dec-2023

Tags: 2020s, Cold, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Inactivity, Music Swings, Rapey, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Subtle, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Vague, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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03-Dec-2023


Killer, The (2023) Woof

"Trust no one." If that thought had been applied to the killer's private life, the film would've been a masterpiece. The panic attacks start as soon as the movie is over. 16-Nov-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Creepy, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Director's Achievement, Drama, Good Acting, Mystery, Quiet, Slow, Star Watt, Suspense, Thriller, Timid, Vague, Violent, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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16-Nov-2023


Bear, The (2022-) WhimperEarly Exit

The pacing was slow but I was patient. The cast were trying to create authentic characters and the lead was stalkable. That helps because you have to follow them and little Nic Cage a lot. It veered seldom from work, concentrated on personalities and the history that made them toxic. I wished the repairs had finished. Bonds seem stronger at work because they are constantly there. Creation flows when your personal life loses its seeds. S2E6 changed everything. I couldn't bear it. The episode was a spectacle of questionable art. I woke up from my coma to ask myself if I was being fooled. Did the jar spill beans instead of pearls? Was the lead hot or just in need of a bath? The same problems kept arising. Repetition with an artsy flair. I couldn't finish the episode, the show or the dinner. 11-Sep-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Almost, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Early Exit, Good Acting, Grating, Overcooked, Psychological, Relationships, Repetitive, Showy, Slow, Talk, Tedium, Tired, Warbly, Words Spoke, Writ Funny

Filed under: TV

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11-Sep-2023


Evil Dead Rise (2023) No MoonsEarly Exit

Dickless entry in the Evil Dead series. I fell asleep midway through but saw enough of it not to regret it. 16-Jul-2023

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Brutal, Depressing, Director Hands Off Approach, Disappointment, Drama, Early Exit, Repetitive, Retread, Slow, Tacky, Timid, Vague

Filed under: Movies

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16-Jul-2023


Better Watch Out (2016) Arf

Well-done horror camp concerning a teen babysitting a 12 year old with a crush. An invasion brings forth her motherly instincts and nicely shot panic. Madsen and Warburton were joyous. When the film jumps outside the box, it stalls. It stalls because it didn't have the nerve to enact the obvious. I would've screamed for that. 16-Mar-2023

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Crapfun, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Holiday, Horror, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Slow, Timid, Touching, Twisty, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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16-Mar-2023


Gabriel (2014) Whimper

Rory Culkin pays a disturbed youth that returns from mental rehab to the care of his family. It consists of a mother who has no idea what she needs to do to make her son well, an even-keeled brother that lends strict support and an adorable nonna that seems to comfort the youth. Youth doesn't want to end up nuts like his dad and blames brother and mother for neglecting the man at his worst and making him super nuts. He thinks that if he finds a childhood friend he will marry her, buy a house with, have kids and best his brother, so he can be cured. The scenes that work best are with the family. Performers are jittery, anxious and emotionally invested. Culkin captured the character's frustration. The trek is uneventful because no one is ever home and the people he does meet flash by. You can't cure mental illness but you can hold it back. 10-Mar-2023

Tags: 2010s, Chemistry, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Psychological, Slow, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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10-Mar-2023


Triangle Of Sadness (2022) Woof

The first half was Love Boat: Vomit/Shitter in 3D. The finale was a Gilligan's Island: The Professor Created A New Drug We Have To Try episode. The connections are slight. I did not believe Woody Harrelson as a captain. Over-the-top jibber jabber that had nothing to do with anything. The rich are dependent on service and can't survive circumstances in which work is allotted therefore the service becomes king. A servant serves until she earns the right to do otherwise. She can start a fire, hunt and cook. She, The King. Raping that beautiful boy belonging to an even more beautiful wife, was done for our amusement. Right? Bits are hilarious but I didn't really get what they were saying. 04-Mar-2023

Tags: 2020s, Brutal, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Director's Art, Drama, Elegance, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Physical Humor, Pretty, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Weird, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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04-Mar-2023


Float (2022) Bites

The best thing about the experiment is the music video at post end. Not for the music but the courage the singer had by being the only thing in the water worth watching. Youths have nothing identifiable to say. They're screaming because their friends keep getting mysteriously killed but have time to gleefully reminisce about partying while continuously drinking. There is no finality or viable explanation. The man holding the camera just drops it at the end. 19-Feb-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bad Acting, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Music Murders, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Shrill Act, Silly, Slow, Tacky, Tedium, Vague

Filed under: Movies

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19-Feb-2023


Nope (2022) Whimper

The characters are as blanched as photographing black people in the dark. They react but convey no thoughts or feelings. Kaluuya is an all day crank that has no good reason for living and Palmer is an annoyance that is not fully explained. Jordan Peele must have learned his craft on the street because it's nonsense. The big bad is a giant vagina that sucks everything up except condoms and bleeds profusely atop of people's houses like they were absorption pads. 18-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Over the Top, Preposterous, SciFi, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Vague

Filed under: Movies

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18-Dec-2022




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