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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Slow'
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Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) 
The mood is retro energized to soothe us into an 80's coma. There are three sexes applied to Bizarro Chalamet and I can't get over it. Daddy Rudd endured the right cosmetic procedure because he's yummy gay again except he was stupid, useless and shoed. The wall between the generations discouraged charisma amongst the replacements. There was a don't touch me vibe with babies helming a gimmick that keeps the franchise alive but old movie stars resentful. Why do possessed lizards change their outfits willy nilly but man has to suffer in shreds? The first half works because we presume the artist will add a great spin to propel the magic and replace original mistakes. He makes it more of the same. Reitman copies the spins with advanced tech but he doesn't sign off on it. 20-May-2022
It's an incomplete thought. A woman realizes her culture by being left behind to be parented by a rich white family. The interracial harmony was a plus. The actors didn't make calls to their agents after every scene. They were in it. The idea that the man you loved was lying about his parents and abandons you to their care is frightening. The atmosphere was established, the actors were prepared but the story didn't succumb to its repression. All was safe, all felt long and none of it felt warranted. I wanted to hear the screams of agony and the main fucking the shit out of that pretty butler to get the fuck out of there. That's what real people do. They don't waste time wondering. 20-Apr-2022
A scary Christmas tree disrupts the holiday of a royal court by suggesting a game. The tree will sacrifice its life if the hero taking it, returns the kindness a year later. The bastard son who has only been acknowledged this Christmas, volunteers. He becomes a celebrated knight who downed a beast that will eventually down him but is enjoying the best year of his life. The fairytale has no significance. Magic appears without explanation. The voyage is gorgeously dull. The director casts some beautiful shadows and illuminates good acting but confirming that all mistakes in life repeat themselves is depressing. 16-Mar-2022
Stupid horror flex in another language with cute twinx. Nope. 11-Feb-2022
Depressing portrait of a princess devoured by gilt-edged politics. Kristen Stewart captures the legend's facade but her inner Diana is caged, whispers a lot, distinguishes her esses and is prone to accelerating her lines so we can't understand what she's saying. CC helped. The film doesn't explore past "she's nuts," "she's sick," "they're all out to get her," and she's getting a bucket of blood dumped on her head. It's haunting to think that we apply greatness to a being with no personal significance. 10-Feb-2022
There are beautiful patches stitched to murder, carnivals and mentalists. AHS killed carnivals and mentalists are bullshit. The film squirts beauty of everything that's interestingly slight. Bradley Cooper's Stanton starts as an Eastwood Quiet Man and evolves into a charming egotistical salesman, like a virus. Don't sleazy salesman jabber all the time? When did he acquire it? He's so damn quiet. There are no spins to copied thoughts. It was a reenactment without approach. Toni Collette was gearing up for more. She gave daddy squish Bradley a deserved bath and finished him off like a gay would. I rewound 5 times then fell asleep. Toni deserved reciprocation. Cate Blanchett is an Eternal unharmed by copper platters. She is gold lame shimmering in every era with Lucille Ball regrets and Faye Dunaway determination. It needed to either move faster or interject some cool things in between. I expected more. 05-Feb-2022
Disturbing friend passing as white revives a childhood friendship with a black woman who lives like a white person. It is filmed in black and white so we don't notice how silly it would have appeared in color with lots of white powder on pale brown faces. In this case, the story needs to be brighter than grey. Why is Clare invading a stranger's home? People don't do that unless they're desperate. She was just bored. She stole attention from the children and her friends. She fucked her husband and talked shit about her behind her back. Nothing was executed. Everything was a hint. The stalker is married to a most ignorant white man. She's getting darker because she's tanning more. Hahaha. How did she handle pubic hairs? Unless bikini waxes were all the rage, women kept it bushed in the 20's. The white stupid husband didn't get to tell his story. Thompson and Negga gave it what it required but the director did not excite us with a Bette Davis and Joan Crawford type showdown. I wanted Thompson to rage at Negga for interrupting her housewife bliss. I wanted Negga to explain herself whilst she tore her hair out. What a waste! 05-Jan-2022
A Karen gets flashbacks of her maternal discord and cheating ways when she spots a young Karen with the same problems while vacationing. The whole shebang is weird and nonsensical. Maggie Gyllenhaal's direction made me dislike Olivia Colman's acting method. I love Olivia Colman. Don't show me Olivia Colman's acting method, show me her acting. Director did not appreciate the beautiful creature Lady Colman is. 03-Jan-2022
Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021
Daddy K suffers tragedy. He loses family members in unison. Frankenstein is the science that can revive them. Our favorite thing about Keanu is his uncomfortable meter. Papi looks uncomfortable and that's great. It makes you want to spit shine his doorknob so he can calm down. Robots don't cut it, emotions don't transfer, I fell asleep, rewound, sobered up and still didn't get it. 08-Nov-2021
Frivolous conversations, uninventive action, uninspiring support and bad Russian speak make for a non-movie event. 14-Oct-2021
A most pretty paraplegic is released from the hospital after a complete recovery. His best friend is missing. TG he bagged the prettiest nurse on the base. The pretty boy obsessed with his bestie treats his girlfriend like a nurse. Virginia Mayo's charms were lost on him. He needs to find "daddy." His friend is being accused of horrible crimes and it takes a tough pretty boy to find him. Too bad daddy was boring. There's a gay subtext somewhere but I couldn't figure it out. 18-Sep-2021
It's a slow burn melodrama/disaster film. The legends emote, the daddies squish, twinx ponder and sluts can be redeemed if they stop kissing strange men and just marry them. Unlike the drama, the fifteen minutes of disaster are realistic and enlightening. 18-Sep-2021
It rewrites history by replacing evil with benign cruelty and dog hugs. The Emmas were royal, the doggies were cute and the support was on call. Cruella's transformation never coalesces with the original character. She's a naughty bottom feeder with asshole friends, who snuggles with furries she later eats, is a career opportunist and an apocalyptic disaster waiting to happen but she's very sweet. (Glenn Close laugh!) 13-Sep-2021
Music legend keeps her legacy alive by grooming a naive talent to sustain it. Legend shoots bankable star after an argument about control and declares it to the authorities. The police department is kind, gentle and slow in its investigation. The truth doesn't generate much ruckus, the mystery is simplified and the daddies aren't worth dying for. The Fowlers were adorable. 11-Sep-2021
