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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Slow'

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Passing (2021) Arf

Disturbing friend passing as white revives a childhood friendship with a black woman who lives like a white person. It is filmed in black and white so we don't notice how silly it would have appeared in color with lots of white powder on pale brown faces. In this case, the story needs to be brighter than grey. Why is Clare invading a stranger's home? People don't do that unless they're desperate. She was just bored. She stole attention from the children and her friends. She fucked her husband and talked shit about her behind her back. Nothing was executed. Everything was a hint. The stalker is married to a most ignorant white man. She's getting darker because she's tanning more. Hahaha. How did she handle pubic hairs? Unless bikini waxes were all the rage, women kept it bushed in the 20's. The white stupid husband didn't get to tell his story. Thompson and Negga gave it what it required but the director did not excite us with a Bette Davis and Joan Crawford type showdown. I wanted Thompson to rage at Negga for interrupting her housewife bliss. I wanted Negga to explain herself whilst she tore her hair out. What a waste! 05-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Cold, Director Experiment, Drama, Elegance, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Relationships, Sentimental, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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05-Jan-2022


Lost Daughter, The (2021) Bites

A Karen gets flashbacks of her maternal discord and cheating ways when she spots a young Karen with the same problems while vacationing. The whole shebang is weird and nonsensical. Maggie Gyllenhaal's direction made me dislike Olivia Colman's acting method. I love Olivia Colman. Don't show me Olivia Colman's acting method, show me her acting. Director did not appreciate the beautiful creature Lady Colman is. That's all. 03-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Fatigue, Preposterous, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Tedium, Weird, Writer Weakness

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03-Jan-2022


tick, tick...BOOM! (2001) Whimper

Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bio, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Gay Swatch, Music Murders, Musical, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Ugly Art, Weird

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24-Dec-2021


Replicas (2018) Whimper

Daddy K suffers tragedy. He loses family members in unison. Frankenstein is the science that can revive them. Our favorite thing about Keanu is his uncomfortable meter. Papi looks uncomfortable and that's great. It makes you want to spit shine his doorknob so he can calm down. Robots don't cut it, emotions don't transfer, I fell asleep, rewound, sobered up and still didn't get it. 08-Nov-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Daddy Squish, Preposterous, SciFi, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Unenthusiastic, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

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08-Nov-2021


Black Widow (2021) Whimper

Frivolous conversations, uninventive action, uninspiring support and bad Russian speak make for a non-movie event. 14-Oct-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Camp, Comic Book, Director Slouch, Drama, Ear Prick, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Macho Posing, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Unfunny, Writer Humiliation

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14-Oct-2021


Backfire (1950) Arf

A most pretty paraplegic is released from the hospital after a complete recovery. His best friend is missing. TG he bagged the prettiest nurse on the base. The pretty boy obsessed with his bestie treats his girlfriend like a nurse. Virginia Mayo's charms were lost on him. He needs to find "daddy." His friend is being accused of horrible crimes and it takes a tough pretty boy to find him. Too bad daddy was boring. There's a gay subtext somewhere but I couldn't figure it out. 18-Sep-2021

Tags: 1950s, Accidental Watch, Cold, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Slow, Timid, Wit Crack

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18-Sep-2021


Crowded Sky, The (1960) Arf

It's a slow burn melodrama/disaster film. The legends emote, the daddies squish, twinx ponder and sluts can be redeemed if they stop kissing strange men and just marry them. Unlike the drama, the fifteen minutes of disaster are realistic and enlightening. 18-Sep-2021

Tags: 1960s, Accidental Watch, Action, Camp, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Preachy, Relationships, Romance, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Suspense, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

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18-Sep-2021


Cruella (2021) Whimper

It rewrites history by replacing evil with benign cruelty and dog hugs. The Emmas were royal, the doggies were cute and the support was on call. Cruella's transformation never coalesces with the original character. She's a naughty bottom feeder with asshole friends, who snuggles with furries she later eats, is a career opportunist and an apocalyptic disaster waiting to happen but she's very sweet. (Glenn Close laugh!) 13-Sep-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Over the Top, Preposterous, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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13-Sep-2021


A Woman's Secret (1949) Arf

Music legend keeps her legacy alive by grooming a naive talent to sustain it. Legend shoots bankable star after an argument about control and declares it to the authorities. The police department is kind, gentle and slow in its investigation. The truth doesn't generate much ruckus, the mystery is simplified and the daddies aren't worth dying for. The Fowlers were adorable. 11-Sep-2021

Tags: 1940s, Chemistry, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Mystery, Silly, Slow, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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11-Sep-2021


Saint Maud (2019) Whimper

An analogy of a woman that must reach the lower depths of hell/sex in order to achieve sainthood is only a thought. The film presents predictably with scares overwhelming thoughts. Writing creates a psychotic brain made of incomplete truths. The savior is full of god cum and icky vibes. She's a frustrated cis, wet by girl action. The saved is full of lesbian venom and privileged wit. 02-Aug-2021

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Creepy, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Gay Swatch, Horror, Lesbian, Mystery, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Slow, Suspense, Tedium, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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02-Aug-2021


Fear Street Part 3: 1666 (2021) Whimper

Mythology overload. Lesbian witches are a creation of man's impotence and disregard for boundaries. The curse is complimentary. 21-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Drama, Gay, Horror, Preposterous, Silly, Slow

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21-Jul-2021


Raya & The Dragon (2021) WhimperEarly Exit

It wasn't made to include a "boy fantasy." 14-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Animation, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Early Exit, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Preposterous, Shrill Act, Silly, Slow, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Writer Humiliation

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14-Jul-2021


Goodnight, Mommy (2014)  Howl

Mother returns home after cosmetic surgery. She is burdened with twin boys, bandaged, tired, snarly and in need of recuperation. The boys are lonely and constantly interrupting her beauty rest which makes her upset and overreactive. The boys become convinced that the woman hiding under the bandages is not their mother. She's more violent than usual. The boys test her extensively and unbearably. They want to prove she's a fraud. "Misery" mayhem is top notch, direction has balls and the cast is deadly. 17-Jun-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Best In Foreign, Best In Horror, Brutal, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Art, Drama, Foreign, Funny, Sort of, Good Idea, Great Acting, Horror, Mystery, Scary, Slow, Suspense, Thriller, Tough, Violent, Weird, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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17-Jun-2021


Nest, The (2020) Arf

American family encounters alienation when they move to England to satisfy Daddy's whim. Daddy is a financial security risk who thinks that success lays in places not people, momma is stuck climbing a mental hill on repetition, the boy is spooked by his surroundings and the daughter has a knack for loud music, parties and drugs. Jude Law and Carrie Coon lend strength to a script that takes their characters nowhere. 21-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Drama, Good Acting, Mystery, Relationships, Slow, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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21-May-2021


Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) Bites

Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.

Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Inactivity, Over the Top, Political, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

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14-May-2021




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