All Posts Tagged as 'Writer Humiliation'
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Wish (2023)
I tried watching through the eyes of a child and it confused me. What do you mean that man has my wish. I made ten wishes yesterday and two came true. I don't even remember that one wish everybody's talking about. Fuck it. It's only one. The film has Ariana DeBose energy and a Barbie stance. DeBose is so excited to show us what she's got that she faux climaxes before she has to. Some of the songs actually sounded musical. Pine's Shatner was so good that it stunk. The last man with a working penis is stealing little girl dreams. (None of the dreams were to marry a man to save them?) The women and some of their friends band together to destroy him. Some of the friends consisted of weak or mentally disabled boys and feeble grandfathers with no reach. I presume we had to look towards the animals to find culture representation. No gays in sight. Sophia The First looked better than this and brought the magic. One of Disney's junkiest animations. 28-Apr-2024
Ricky Stanicky (2024)
It doesn't get worst than this. There were only two funny bits, the drowning dog and the girl's hair. 08-Mar-2024
Marvels, The (2023)
The film suffers from The Green Lantern and Quantum effect. If the creators wanted to take us to other worlds, the trip needed to be worth it. Skrulls with no power are obsolete. I think they took the green screen too literally. Most of the actors looked like they were talking to the back-heads of stand-ins or more green screens. The ladies became 3 instruments that didn't play well together. Distance was put between them. The glowey thing that Capt. Marvel displays when she's on, reminds one of the Quantum sky. Another action killer was giving the women the same power effect. So we don't distinguish or because it was easier? The big bad could only have gotten better had they cast that crazy lady from the Power Rangers. I thought Dar-Benn was blind for the first few minutes of the film. If she looked down, would her head-piece have fallen off? All the ladies came as they are because hair and makeup were in a rush to return to social media. They looked unkempt and shook. They would never dare look this ratched on the red carpet where fans aren't paying them to create movie magic. Somber heroes zigzagging to nowhere for nobody. I never thought of Monica Rambeau as interesting, I liked Kamala on the smaller screen but... and we all know what Carol Danvers is. The reason I liked female heroines was because they were a break from extremism and added a softer solution to the action and they were beautiful. If women keep denying themselves in order to become men, hugs will be cancelled. They can do anything? Be a girl. Good hair, make-up and dress will fulfill the rest. See: Barbie. Imagine if she was ugly and without sex appeal. No mucho $. Musicland was an in-law family situation humiliation activity. Nobody swags like they care so why bother? Was Frasier the only white man allowed in the building or was he CGId? 07-Feb-2024
Barbie (2023)
Women can do anything except fight wars, raise non-toxic boys or shut up. Barbie is a politic, a preacher and a bore. Man hate shuffles in so often that enjoyment is stifled. The cast is brilliant. Margo and Ryan were perfect iterations of iconic toys and the support kept up but the story just memes on the same subject, over and over. The film distinguishes the sexes without exploring true intentions or circumstances. The best way for feminists to free themselves from a man's grasp is to never marry and to abolish religions that place them in dire situations. 16-Dec-2023
80 For Brady (2023)
How elderly women become empowered by idolizing a hot man's physical accomplishment. Wow, maybe football really is gay. 26-Jul-2023
Menu, The (2022)
The menu didn't serve enough choices and didn't take advantage of it's clientele. Face actor Fiennes was ready to do some really mean things but he ended up depraved and soulless. What makes foodies offensive is not their meal choices but their business dealings? Hong Chau creeped out and overcame ick material. Nicholas Hoult didn't get a chance to swing. Taylor-Joy gave good face but subtle depth. Was John Leguizamo the only latin pimp with taste buds they could think of? He doesn't belong. The horror element is copied from a better script's cliff notes. The actors did not do like Lucy and make us believe they were eating that shit. Hardly anybody ate. Didn't get it, didn't care because I eat to survive. 22-Jan-2023
Troll (2022)
The movie induces flashbacks to disaster classics that made it tolerable to withstand the subject. The new generation make assorted pieces part of the puzzle. They fit anywhere or not at all. There is an ugly giant troll on the loose and the tree huggers want to coddle it, while the powers that be want to annihilate it. Dude, the bear you're saving is going to rip your head off, they don't give a shit about us, be thoughtful. It does a very big "bad" wrong. They turn his dick into a tail. He drinks too much, ergo, the bulbous nose. He has a preference for innocence, destruction and confusion. Instead of beams pulverizing rocks we get fairytale mumbo jumbo. "Troll" commands you adhere like Captain Sandy and exit like Captain Sandy as soon as the idiot humans show up. 04-Dec-2022
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Natalie Portman's linebacker is not the gayest thing about the movie, a bodyless rock pining for another rock is. Are you kidding me? I want to see Thor's beautiful ass devoured by Zeus. 12-Sep-2022
Free Guy (2021)
The premise is too outrageous to describe. Nerd becomes "toxic man" when he meets the inaccessible woman of his dreams. He lives in a game and not. I pondered. Is Ryan Reynolds funnier when the makers convince him it isn't supposed to be funny? Who knows. I accidentally turned on deaf of hearing mode and was perturbed by the narrator describing every fucking single thing that happened. I thought, what an annoying piece of shit then I realized the goof. Oops. I corrected it and fell asleep. I will review it properly later, or not. There wasn't much to like. 28-Dec-2021
Suicide Squad (2020)
Margot Robbie can't queef a joyous Harley, Joel Kinnaman misplaced his acting capabilities and Nathan Fillion can't squish anymore. Pete Davidson came and went, Viola gave it more than it deserved and the whole was obliterated by Cena and his tighty whites. The film has guts. it needs them to deal with an army of superhero ninnies. 02-Nov-2021
Black Widow (2021)
Frivolous conversations, uninventive action, uninspiring support and bad Russian speak make for a non-movie event. 14-Oct-2021
Raya & The Dragon (2021)
It wasn't made to include a "boy fantasy." 14-Jul-2021
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.
Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021
Two On A Guillotine (1965)
A most preposterous thing. Cesar Romero AKA first Joker is a magician with a sordid past and a death certificate. He promises in life that resusitating from death will be his greatest trick. He dies and estranged and long lost daughter shows up to qualify for the inheritance. If she can withstand a stay in his tacky castle of magic booby traps for whatever time period they specified, she will be legally rich. Thanks, daddy. There is a dumbwaiter and a maid frock ready and willing to share the riches if she fails. Connie Stevens was a wasted asset asked to look like perfection, scream normally, scream hysterically and faint at the sight of a Tiffany lamp... for hours. Cesar was under appreciated and underutilized. Dean Jones gave me baby hard-ons when he was trying to sell me a golden egg at Disney but is creepmeister now. He's fuckable with a swifty dump date. A rabbit gives away the scares, the reactions are ridiculous, the father becomes incestuous and the whole thing, except for Connie's hair is hilarious. 27-Nov-2020
Addams Family, The (2019)
Morticia was lacking the sultriness Gomez used to devour. Gomez was lacking the passion he exhibited at the most ludicrous and divine things. Wednesday could have used a little less rich girl in her voice and a lot more bitch. Uncle Fester was destroyed. Bette Midler seemed like the only one to have watched an episode of the tv series and gave Grandmama her unique flair. The family is constantly trying to kill or destroy each other, ad nauseam. Somebody missed the point of The Addams Family and what they constituted. They were us fighting for our place in the world from the imagination of a mad man. The writers need to apologize to the artists for making them create the angriest animated film ever. Dude, that's coming from me. 01-Oct-2020